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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- (Repost because of wrong title on the last post) Edit: Please do not speak ill of the girl. I support what she did. It was a mutual agreement to end the relationship. Edit2: You redditors are so kind! Thank you so much We went on a couple of dates. I brought up a conversation and told her that I'm sterile (medical reasons), since I didn't wanna lead her onto something she'd later feel stuck in. After a couple of days we came to the decision that it wouldn't work out between us and she broke up with me. Now all I can think about is that I'll never find someone because of this damned disease. I feel like I shouldn't be wasting girls' times because of this. Life sucks. Is there ever hope for someone like me? I don't think I shouldn't lead anyone on if they're interested in a serious relationship because of my condition, so end up telling them about it. Is there anything wrong with this?


awp_city

I think you are doing the right thing telling women upfront. There are many women who don’t want kids. Check out r/childfree for proof. Also many people are open to adopting kids. You will find someone right for you!


Sad_Ad592

Hey OP. I am in the same boat. It gets easier and if you want to adopt or just not have kids, there are plenty of people that are willing to take that journey with you. I respect you for actually telling potential partners, it took courage and compassion.


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alles_okate

Seconding this, because I'm one of the women who don't want kids (and know a few more). I got myself a sterilisation a few months back and still panic, when I think about the 0.2 possibility of getting pregnant regardless. Having a partner who is sterile themselve would be a huge plus to me (of course if they also don't want kids) But even if you want kids, there are so many options today, not only adoption, but through a sperm donor also - so if you find someone who wants to experience the pregnancy, that's an option. Don't worry, you did everything right and you'll find the right partner.


KatAstrophie-

Also there are single mothers (I know a few) who don’t want any more children but would love to be in a relationship. If you don’t mind a ready-made family there’s an opportunity to be a much needed father figure or even to adopt your future wife/girlfriend’s children.


Noirceuil_182

This. There are _plenty_ of people who want to have childfree lives. You will meet one of them. It's just a statistical inevitability. You and this girl both acted out on both of your best interests. I know it's a bummer that the potential relationship fizzled out, but you know it's for the best in the long run. You are correct that sooner is better than later. Let incompatible people self-select themselves out. Chin up, OP. You'll meet your match eventually.


pimpostrous

I would even just say, put this on your dating profile. I have several female friends who absolutely refuse to have kids and keep encountering the same problem, which is finding a guy and starting to date, only to find out that they do want to have kids. Which leads to breaking up. Be upfront and open about it and find someone else who is interested in being r/childfree


Dreaming_Lady

Granted, he said sterile due to medical reasons, not sterile due to personal reasons. He could still want kids. ​ Although, as a member of r/childfree, I appreciate the callout


Inyoureyes1975

r/childfree is a cesspool of hatred.


EXO-Love

Yeah im gonna be completely real, it's rough down there, and they can be unbelievably harsh. But it does serve as proof lots of women don't want kids.


Sserenityy

Yep, my fiancé and I are childfree and I actually know a lot of childfree people (maybe we are subconsciously attracted to each other hahah) and none of them are the stereotypical child-haters you see on that sub calling everyone with kids breeders and making being childfree their entire personality etc. It is becoming MUCH much more common these days for people to not have kids as only recently it's really sort of discussed more openly as a choice! Many of us don't hate children and just don't want that lifestyle, but there's also women out there who maybe do want kids but wish to adopt if OP does. There's a lot of people out there, it may be a bit harder than others to find someone, but there's definitely people out there.


EXO-Love

I personally feel like there are some people who are amazing at being parents and who deserve children because they'll be the best parents possible to them, and I think it's deeply unfair to call those people breeders. I've never gotten on board with calling children "crotch goblins", "fuck trophies", "sperm worms" etc cause it's very harsh. I don't even like children but i don't ever see myself calling them those awful names. And yeah I'm certain there are people who want kids and who would actually prefer to adopt rather than have a bio kid, one of my friends is that way! So there's definitely hope for OP lol


MissDesignDiva

>stereotypical child-haters you see on that sub calling everyone with kids breeders yea, not the case, many on childfree aren't child haters and we don't call everyone with kids breeders, far from it. Breeder: Someone who has kids just for the sake of it, to say they did their "purpose", to leave a legacy, to have someone to take care of them when they're old and any number of other dumb/illogical reasons. They don't typically do much in the way of actual parenting, instead they opt for the "let the kid cry it out" method of parenting, regardless of the location, movie theatre, brewery, bar, grocery store etc... Parents: They're becoming more rare but they're the polar opposite of the breeder type. They understand that kids are loud and somewhat obnoxious and that most don't want to hear their kid crying, so they don't bring them to the movie theatre, or the bar etc . . . and teach the kids that in the grocery store we behave (even if that requires a reward for good behavior at the end, whatever works to keep a calm kid)


Sserenityy

Sorry I don't think it came across as such but I meant that that was the stereotype and not the reality for many, I absolutely know not nearly everyone on there are like that. I've gone on there quite a few times myself but it seems I didn't quite understand the separation between their use of the word breeder and parent, so thanks for explaining!


hopemcgrth

r/truechildfree has much better vibes


BilateralBull

They're so toxic lmao. All they do is talk shit about woman that want kids and don't choose abortion.


ConsiderationWeak509

Cope


2OP4me

With what? I don’t want kids either but you don’t see me posting hate rants every other day about them. Childfree is just fatpeoplehate for literal children.


peace-and-bong-life

It's kind of weird... Like, if you don't like children, why are you going online to obsess over hating children? I'm not a huge fan of dogs, but I don't build an identity around that lmao I just get on with my dog free life (and be kind to any dogs I cross paths with because I'm not a complete monster).


ConsiderationWeak509

Cope with people hating kids. It doesn't effect you. Nobody has to like kids. Suffer.


CptnMoonlight

Nah it’s just HELLA weird that people take time out of their days to write multi-page rants online about how much they hate children. The kind of people that post there are the same kind that rant and rave on Twitter: people with no friends or future prospects that feel better when they shit on others. Losers to the highest degree. Also, the level of vehement hate is interesting. Kind of like when you see a closeted guy act super homophobic. Maybe there’s a reason the people on r/childfree shouldn’t have kids.


BillionaireBob

You seem like an absolute fucking nightmare to be around. An absolute energy drainer.


ConsiderationWeak509

Have all the screaming babies you want, I'm sure that will make you the life of the party. Not anyone else's responsibility to follow your miserable dream.


BillionaireBob

A real cancer. Edit: yikes. Just looked at your history. You need help. Real help. Get off Reddit and get it.


ConsiderationWeak509

Yeah people are cancer because they don't want kids. You need help for being obsessed with everyone else's reproductive organs.


BillionaireBob

Your attitude is a cancer. The way you express your desire to not have children is a cancer. It’s the way your carry and present your thoughts/opinions, not your actual opinion. Fucking wannabe victim mentality.


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reply-guy-bot

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rzvc98/girlfriend_24f_broke_up_because_im_25m_sterile/hrytr4d/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [What a strange headline....](http://np.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/rzy6gb/tremors_is_just_as_much_about_the_characters_as/hryxgl5/) | [What a strange headline....](http://np.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/rzy6gb/tremors_is_just_as_much_about_the_characters_as/hryvteo/) [Can’t wait to see the boo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/rzy7ri/ireland_will_soon_pay_arts_and_culture_workers_a/hryx3jm/) | [Can’t wait to see the boo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/rzy7ri/ireland_will_soon_pay_arts_and_culture_workers_a/hryveu6/) [its only For me, it's coz...](http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/rzxyv3/im_having_such_a_hard_time_making_and_keeping/hryxsdx/) | [are you me ?? lol For me...](http://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/rzxyv3/im_having_such_a_hard_time_making_and_keeping/hry4h0c/) [Damn, I hope nothing seri...](http://np.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/s007v2/tifu_by_accidentally_inhaling_a_deadly_gas_a/hryxl0r/) | [Damn, I hope nothing seri...](http://np.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/s007v2/tifu_by_accidentally_inhaling_a_deadly_gas_a/hryj9sz/) [I'm so sorry to hear abou...](http://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/s000rf/at_least_19_dead_including_9_children_after/hryxb6j/) | [I'm so sorry to hear abou...](http://np.reddit.com/r/news/comments/s000rf/at_least_19_dead_including_9_children_after/hryk297/) [All I saw was a Chihuahua...](http://np.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/s009ut/anyone_else_see_a_sloth_in_this_wood/hrywz80/) | [All I saw was a Chihuahua...](http://np.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/s009ut/anyone_else_see_a_sloth_in_this_wood/hryqivw/) [I wonder if this could po...](http://np.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/s00jor/made_me_smile/hrywrm8/) | [I wonder if this could po...](http://np.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/s00jor/made_me_smile/hryw6ab/) [So if Ranger or Bo or any...](http://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/rzw3c3/george_hw_bush_dog_ranger_needed_a_diet_heres_the/hrywmjw/) | [So if Ranger or Bo or any...](http://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/rzw3c3/george_hw_bush_dog_ranger_needed_a_diet_heres_the/hrygkou/) [I have an attraction to m...](http://np.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/s00g9i/i_have_a_preference_of_white_people_over_mixed_or/hryw8dv/) | [I have an attraction to m...](http://np.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/s00g9i/i_have_a_preference_of_white_people_over_mixed_or/hrysy0u/) [I just realized that 2 de...](http://np.reddit.com/r/lifehacks/comments/rzzhg0/never_knew_this_was_a_thing/hryw4dq/) | [I just realized that 2 de...](http://np.reddit.com/r/lifehacks/comments/rzzhg0/never_knew_this_was_a_thing/hryuwr4/) [Boys listen and I do not...](http://np.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/s00tzt/lpt_you_really_shouldnt_care_what_other_people/hryvug2/) | [Boy....... I do not promo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/s00tzt/lpt_you_really_shouldnt_care_what_other_people/hryofu5/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/HeftyPossessionhju](https://np.reddit.com/u/HeftyPossessionhju/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=HeftyPossessionhju) for info on how I work and why I exist.


Still_Condition_5849

Of course there is hope and you are doing the right thing. You could always adopt if you do want kids. Keep your head up, keep being amazing. Keep being honest. You’re doing great


VirginFked001

thank you so much


mauve55

Thank you for being an honest person up front. If you want to be a father I hope you can fine a woman who wants to be a parent, whether it be through adoption or using a sperm donor.


FrozenEagles

I hate how many people are saying "look for women who don't want kids" and assuming OP doesn't want them. Just because he can't make them doesn't mean he doesn't want them, and doesn't mean he can't have them. He will find the right person, just gotta keep looking.


UnsightlyFuzz

Just look for women that don't want children. There are plenty of those out there. Also, if you have been tested and proved sterile, that absolves the woman of any contraceptive worries. I assume you being sterile does not mean impotent. That's a different issue entirely.


CodeXRaven

Omg a blessing is disguise on one front. Yes this would remove a huge worry on that end! Edit:wow that’s a LOT of upvotes I was not expecting lol. Thanks and glad you liked it!


throwRAenomigoshee

As a woman who hates condoms and BC and never wants kids, I approve this message.


VirginFked001

yeah, it's not impotency thank you


potaslug

I mean, STI's still exist, so...test first before barebacking it


SakuOtaku

Not all diagnoses are 100%. There could still be a risk of pregnancy if there's no protection


deemsterporn

Plenty of women who don’t want kids these days, or who don’t want to give birth. Being with someone already sterile would just be the icing on the cake :)


VirginFked001

hehehe :D thank you!


nightowldaytowel

there is a lot of childfree women who would wanna be with you and would consider you a strong candidate as a potential mate. Also, there are women out there who wouldnt mind adopting children because they want to or choose to not have biological children of their own. Just gotta find em or let them find you. However that would work. You did the right thing telling people early on. dont give up the faith in yourself my friend.


VirginFked001

thanks for the kind words


Important-Energy8038

People have different needs, and for those where kids are a necessity, they will sadly be unavailable to you. I admire your honesty with them, its the decent thing to do. There are many options for infertile couples, its unclear if you've researched them, so all is not lost.


Older_But_Wiser

There are many women out there who either don't want kids, or wouldn't have a problem either adopting or getting inseminated at a legal sperm bank. At the same time there are going to be women out there who want a partner who can give them natural children and be both the birth father and the life father. But don't let them let you down. You'll just need to find the right girl for you.


MPKH

I’m sorry that happened to you. You may have better luck with girls who wants to be child free.


CarsReallySuck

A couple of dates ain’t gf.


unknownxk

Not every woman wants kids. I’m a woman who doesn’t want kids. So just keep dating, you will find your person.


dunndundun0601

You're a child free woman's dream! Start in the child free spaces. Because we ABSOLUTELY do not want kids, ever!


chicagorpgnorth

For what it’s worth, OP may still want kids - it’s unclear from his post.


PirateArtemis

Second this! Id be thrilled to hear this, no accidental pregnancies!


Brilliant-Ad-6119

You're doing the right thing by letting them know early. This does make things more complicated for you, that's for sure. However I think it's just something of you have to wait. Especially being in your mid 20s, as you progress later in your 20s and into your 30s you're going to find it easier to find women who either already have had children and don't want more, or don't want any to begin with.


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VirginFked001

thank you so much 💙


leah878

There’s definitely hope. I’m 21F never wants to give birth but would like to adopt or foster. I’m also wary of contraceptives due to the side effects so that would be icing on the cake to me.


Bagasshole

I’m a mum to small children and I have a boyfriend (not their dad). He found out 2 weeks ago he is sterile and it’s been difficult because we had talked about having our own child one day and he keeps saying he feels he’s failed me and has said he understands if I don’t want to continue the relationship but like I said I have my children and yes another one more would of been lovely but a child doesn’t define the love I have for him and he is now attending therapy. You will find someone who loves you for you and accepts you


True_Economist_22

I’m a sterile male. My wife never wanted to go through pregnancy, for her own medical reasons, but we both wanted kids. We adopted through the state, giving a good home to kids who were in foster care. Advocating for kids in the system has become our lifelong passion. Since you are looking for a long-term relationship, I applaud you for being upfront about it. Whenever you get serious about a young woman, it’s better to be honest. In the current situation, unless your ex has already had kids, she doesn’t know her own fertility, so she could be dumping you, only to have difficulty getting pregnant with a fertile guy. Leaving you is her loss.


wholesomedust

^^^ I’m a social work student and have always wanted this future for myself. I also have heard nothing but positive experiences from people who chose to foster for the right reasons. Speaking of, I’d love to hear your experience with fostering. The idea of a chosen reciprocating love is so much more appealing than a biological love.


True_Economist_22

Not every experience was happy, but we certainly learned a lot, so we really don’t regret anything. The kids we adopted both had bio-parents that wouldn’t make the necessary changes in their lives to be able to keep them, so we knew early in the placement that we would go for adopting them. Good luck in your field. A lot of people burn out, but I know it’s rewarding for those who stick with it.


WeeklyConversation8

She made the right decision for her.


yildizli_gece

> Leaving you is her loss I mean, everything else you said is right on but there’s no need to shit on this woman for ending things before they got serious. She thought about it and decided it was not for her, and it sounds like they parted ways mutually. Either way, she wasn’t the right person for OP; there doesn’t have to be a loser here.


Dunno_Bout_Dat

Lots of women don't want children. My wife specifically would never marry anyone who wanted to have children.


[deleted]

The world needs more people like you! Willing to risk the relationship early by bringing it up is a sacrifice you've taken but it's the right thing to do. There are plenty of other people who can't have kids or simply don't want to have kids, you'll find someone! Best of luck.


VirginFked001

thank you so much ⊂(・﹏・⊂)


Beezlebubbah

On the opposite end, I am a woman who never wants children. I think being upfront about it early on is 100% the right way to go. And I think you'd be surprised how many women out there prefer to be childfree.


jrocco71

Sheeeeet. There’s millions of chicks that don’t want children. Hotties too. Believe me


evil_lurker

Sorry to hear. You being sterile, doesn't mean you need to be child free. There are sperm donors, you could adopt, etc. Good luck. Hope your next one isn't so closed minded.


LucyWritesSmut

Hey, I'm an infertile woman--we found out long after marriage, though, and not before. My husband loves me for me, not my gonads. There are plenty of awesome people out there who will look at you for who you are, not who you aren't. You will lose potential dates at the jump, and that friggin sucks, but not everyone is like that, I promise you. Some are childfree, but some others just aren't that invested in bio children, or maybe they already have kids and are all "enough." You are not a bad person, you are not broken, you are not defective--don't believe the nasty, smug messages some throw at folks like us. The great thing is, you'll know whoever ends up with you is there for you, not for the potential people you might make. <3


AGoodSO

There's definitely people for you, speaking as a woman I never want to be pregnant even if I want a family one day. You have the right policy and letting your dates know is the right thing. To save effort for all parties, I hope you can find a dating pool that is complementary to your condition and go from there


TheRedditornator

Just to let you know, these days there are many, many women who have zero interest in having kids, or cannot have kids for medical reasons. Many of them feel the same way as you but don't need to. There are enough people who won't have children, that they can date each other. I believe there are even some specific dating sites/apps for this.


H0rsesandWh0

Hey OP! Woman here who absolutely never wants children! Would have been music to my ears! There is many of us out there that will not be upset by that and will stick around


Stone-Cold-Advice

I'm never having kids. Don't want them. My wife hates kids. Keep the faith bruh, there's women out there who thank god don't want kids. You'll find her.


Unfair_Ad2707

There is always hope. There are women who are also sterile that feel the same- as if people will never want them so they may want to adopt. Or if you don’t want kids. There are people who do want to be in love but never want kids and chose their careers or to travel. The best thing you can do is be honest with women in the beginning so they don’t fall in love and resent you later or waste someone’s time trying to change their dreams. Thank you for giving men a positive


weevilyweevil

There are PLENTY of people who want to be child free. I have been with one for ten years! You have to have very open, upfront conversations and we’ve checked in with each other over time to make sure the feeling is mutual.


sinistergrins

There’s plenty of women out there who don’t want kids or who don’t want to physically give birth to a child, or who also can’t have kids.


BeTheCheeto

There are tons of women who don't want kids who will be thrilled about your status because it means no unintended pregnancies. There are also plenty of women who would be willing to adopt or, if you're open to it, you can get a sperm donor as a couple and she can still carry her own biological child that the two of you can raise together. There are plenty of options these days for sterile couples.


4BlackHeart4

I know that this is upsetting, but just know that being sterile doesn't at all make you undesirable. There are plenty of women who don't want children. And even if they do, a sperm donor or adoption are both good options. I have some health issues that would make pregnancy and childbirth far more risky for me. Some of these health issues are genetic, so I also would not want to pass any of them on to some poor child. As a result, I've decided I never want to attempt to have any of my own biological children. Dating someone sterile would honestly be a perfect fit for me. I'm so terrified of an accidental pregnancy that I don't even want to have sex these days. I also live in Texas, so accessing an abortion would be almost impossible to do legally, even if I needed one for my own health. Under that new barbaric law, you have to be dying to be allowed an abortion. A pregnancy likely won't kill me, but it would be very damaging and would likely cause permanent health complications. The point of all that is to say don't give up. There are plenty of women who you would be a perfect match for. And there are also plenty of women who do want kids, but would be willing to go the sperm donor or adoption route to make things work.


blooperduper33

Tell them early on. Plenty of women don't want kids or want to adopt. Sorry you have to deal with that. Good luck!


lumabugg

There are so many women who don’t want kids, or at least don’t want to birth their own. The right woman is out there, and she’ll probably even be happy to find out you can’t get her pregnant.


s0f1k

Yes there is hope, you're literally a dream come true my man, imagine never having to worry about kids


Critical_Teaching_35

If you havent already join r/childfree ! Lots of women arent interested in having kids, trust me you will find someone who sees you being sterile as a pro and not a con of dating you


NonmechanicalCat

There is hope! My husband and I are child free! I’ve never wanted kids. My husband felt obligated to have kids in order to give his parents grandkids. And later changed his mind (thankfully)


ammh114-

You would have been my dream guy back when I was looking. My husband has his vasectomy scheduled for next month because I wanted someone who was sterile. I would just say be as up front about it as you can and you might get shot down or looked over alot. But you can absolutely find a childfree girl out there if thats what you want. Or find one that wouldn't mind going down an alternative route to parenthood if that's what you want. Either way, it won't be a deal breaker in the long run.


Spicyspicespice

Hey man, lots of people here mentioning women who don't want kids as good options for partners. It's not everyone's thing, but remember that there are other ways of conceiving and bringing in kids if you and a partner are open to it. When it's the right partnership, if you both want it, I'm sure you'll work together to build the life you want if it includes kids.


CheyBridgeMan

There are plenty of women out there who are childfree by choice (like me) or would be happy to adopt or use a sperm donor if having kids is something you want. I think it’s a reasonable thing to mention early on because for some people, having biological kids is a total dealbreaker. They aren’t interested in the other options. To each their own but that tells you what you need to know. If you’re using dating apps and you’re hip to being child free, put that in your profile.


VirginFked001

thanks a lot!


RobWins2022

So you are not exclusively dating women who don't want kids? You are not putting that in your dating profile?


VirginFked001

I'm not actively looking on dating apps


MrsJonesy2012

She just wasn't right for you, but someone else will be. Are you open to sperms donation or adoption? Or do you want to be child free?


VirginFked001

thank you I'm open to the other methods


joantheunicorn

Finally someone down the thread asks OP what he wants instead of assuming he's childfree.


Lily7258

If you don’t want kids, you should just be upfront and only date women that don’t want kids either. If you’re open to having them in future via sperm donation or something, then you should tell them early enough in the relationship, it might put some women off but not all of them. I wouldn’t break up with my boyfriend if he was in your situation and I’m sure there are lots of girls out there that wouldn’t either if they liked you enough.


VirginFked001

thank you!


wholesomedust

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but you really are a better man for being honest upfront. I never ever want to give birth so sterility would be a damn near dealmaker. I know plenty women who are the same. Even for women who want children, when I hear sterility I see that as someone who will never love a child more/less based on their biological connections. You’ll find your person.


ughwhyusernames

Are you against using a sperm donor? Because make infertility is really no big deal since it can be resolved with simple inseminations.


VirginFked001

I'm not. she is


ughwhyusernames

She wasn't the right one for you, but most women will be fine with it. Just make sure you have answers to their questions. Look into what the process will entail so you can reassure future girlfriends who might have uneducated idea about it.


VirginFked001

I'll keep this in mind. thank you


ECU_BSN

A lot here to unpack. First, as long as that gal handled the breakup with class, that’s her choice. Dating is to discern comparability. Also, she did you a favor. If that was her only reason to breakup, I’ll translate this for you. “I am more focused on being pregnant than the future of being a mother. I’m screening men for breeding abilities, not for comparability. Your sperm count matters more to me thank your personality” Next- I recommend you bring this up earlier in the dating situations. Screen out the people, like this one, quickly. Your ability to make baby batter isn’t a big deal. It’s 2022. If you & your partner want to have parenting by way of pregnancy then you go get some sperm from the fertility place. Also, adoption is a deal too.


VirginFked001

thank you


usedflask

I'm infertile until I lose 10% of my BMI so I get it <3 hang in there there are PEOPLE out there who are child free or want to go down the adoption route <3


InsertDramaHere

Uh, you called her your girlfriend and this is a breakup after a couple of dates???


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chelseadagg3r

It's respectful that you're letting them know, but have you had a think about whether you'd like to have kids at all? IE adoption, sperm donation etc. It might be good to go into such a conversation with some insight on that. Some people can't see themselves without having their own biological children, and they're unlikely to be the people for you, but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there. For example, I do not want my own bio children. I've not decided if I want kids at all, maybe I'd adopt, but I don't want to birth any humans. Your situation wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. Maybe there are support groups, online probably, for people who can't have kids? They'd probably be a great resource if you could scout them out


VirginFked001

I'll look for support groups for this thank you so much


WildlifePolicyChick

Of course there is. Not every woman wants to have kids. I never did and knew it from Day One. Besides, there are plenty of women out there who are also infertile, and believe me they know how it feels to be rejected over it. Keep being honest about it, and you'll find partners that don't consider that important.


VirginFked001

thank you!


TheDarkKnight1035

I'm sure there's some chicks who don't want kids.


Admirable_Share_5843

You will when you find the right partner that doesn’t want kids.


Relevant-Bet-7514

You are a wonderful man. I think the guy I am dating is sterlie because he failed to get me pregnant many times and I have no respect for him for not telling me up front. I also think he is getting his own bad karma for hiding this fact. So I really believe you will get good karma soon. Edit: he also failed to tell his exes and things makes more sense now.


monsterfyucker

as someone who never wants kids and is deathly afraid of pregnancy, a sterile dude is like a dream come true. Im sure there are lots of women who feel the same way, and even if not, you can always adopt children!!


Zpenn1

I have a handful of friends that don’t want kids and they are dating ppl with the same ideals! They are out there.


EquasLocklear

Not every woman wants children or is fertile herself.


yisredditsoangry

I'm a woman under 30, don't want kids, would be legit thrilled if I found out my boyfriend was sterile BC then I wouldn't have to replace my IUD :D


ClaudesBiggestFan

Lots of women don’t want kids! Personally, I’ve never had any desire to have kids biologically whatsoever. I’d much rather adopt. If you can find women who don’t want kids or don’t want to have kids biologically, that would be ideal. Or you could find someone who is open to sperm donation. I think women not wanting kids is on the rise nowadays, so just keep searching and don’t give up!


SomeoneToYou30

Of course there's hope. Lots of women don't want children.


Jen5872

There are plenty of people who either want to be child-free or are not opposed to alternative ways of building a family. You just have to keep looking. It's best to be upfront so you don't waste each other's time.


supermeg77

There are girls who don’t want kids, be upfront. Also depending on your comfort level someone might be fine using donated sperm etc, if you wanted to have kids there are other avenues. It’s gonna be tougher for you maybe than other people, but just keep meeting new people, it’s a numbers game. There are plenty of someone’s who are compatible with you.


Important_Sprinkles9

I hate BC - hormonal ones mess with my emotions and I find other options a bit of a buzz kill - and don't want children. My OH being sterile would never be an issue for me. There will be plenty of other women who feel the same. Keep being honest, you're young and have plenty of time to meet people. 🖤


corrygan

You did the right thing, no matter how hard it was. There are people out there who share similar conditions and there are plenty of women who, for different reasons, don't want children ( no hate involved). My friend ( f) tells everyone, at the start of relationship that she can't have kids. After some time she found a guy who said that he doesn't care and they are happy together.


courpsey

My husband has a genetic disease which has a high chance of it affecting his fertility. I knew about this before marrying him and it wasn't confirmed until after we got married that he was infertile. At no point did it change my feelings for him. Children were always a maybe option, never something that I absolutely needed. There are plenty of women who don't want children. Don't be discouraged.


KaiserSozes-brother

I broke up with a wonderful girl/women because she wasn’t up for children. You can’t compromise on some issues.


learninglots8

The parameters of the disease could also have influenced her decision. For example, if it would affect her life or mental state in general in addition to not being able to have kids with you. Of course if this is the case, better to know now and dodge the bullet of someone who wouldn’t be there through thick and thin


HumblyExpressive

Dear OP you are very brave opening up your heart here on Reddit about a very sensitive topic. From what I read I can only congratulate you for being so mature, selfless and telling the girl you were dating upfront what the situation was so she could at least sleep on it and not ruin her life or your life in the future after both of you got too attached and things turned down really badly. I promise there is someone for you just keep being honest as you have been so far you will find a girl that is not interested in having kids, or maybe already has kids and doesn't need anymore kids, or might be interested in adopting a child instead of bearing one. There are plenty of fish out there with different mindsets and goals and I'm sure there will be a great partner aligned with your needs. Don't close your heart to love not every girl will have the same priority in life. Keep going and I am proud of how mature you are.💪


dogomummy

You're better off. There's no compromise if you don't want kids and she did


oldcreaker

There are lots of women out there who do not want kids. Keep looking. You’re not alone. And there also plenty of guys out there who find out their intention to eventually have kids is a dealbreaker. All depends on who you are with.


prr0122

There r plenty of girls who don’t want kids.


MJ_Lndn

Hey OP :) If you want kids, you can just use a sperm donor? So many people have no idea that they have fertility problems until they try to have kids, and then end up heading down the donor/IVF route. I can’t see why that would be a problem for most women as it’s a pretty normal thing that couples deal with anyway. I’m doing IVF in Prague using a donor atm - it’s literally €300 for donor sperm (IVF is about £2k there, IUI is even less). Really not a big deal. In dating, it’s hard to find someone who is kind, treats you with respect, and wants the same things in life. Whether you have to use fertility treatment in order to have children is neither here nor there. If you’re open to kids/if you want kids, maybe next time bring it up with the discussion that you would need to use a donor, rather than just saying children are off the table (if you do want them)? I wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t want kids (because I do), but I’d be totally fine with needing to use a donor for medical reasons etc. If you don’t want kids tho then it’s good to be upfront about that and date others who don’t want them either :)


EnvironmentOld2488

Hey, I’m so sorry for your breakup but man, don’t despair. Being sterile is okay, there’s nothing wrong. You will find your true love, not everyone wants a child tho, there are so many child-free people, or women who don’t want to give birth, but want to adopt child. Even I don’t wanna have kids or at least give birth. And I’m sure that there are a lot of women who have the same thoughts. Of course, you have a hope. Hope you will get out from this emotional state.


topknottington

That's a good thing you did. I have a "friend" who didn't tell his lady friend that he'd been snipped until they'd been together for 2 years. He had no intention of telling her.. and it basically trapped her. Hes an ass


Silverwolf9669

You did the right thing and early. She wants a family and best to split before strong feelings developed. I don't know how you find your potential love interests, but if on-line, state that you are sterile so they know prior to starting a relationship. There are many women out there that prefer not having kids. I have a good female friend who is now separated from her husband. They both agreed from the start to not have kids. Now, after 5 years of marriage, he changed his mind and expected her to do the same. She is not and enjoying life not having to baby him anymore. The point is, they are out there. Make your issue known prior and those that respond are of a like mind.


ohdearitsrichardiii

I know someone who married a sterile man. They used a sperm donor to conceive their children


Rosalie-83

I'm 38 and can't have kids. Found out at 22 if I fell pregnant I’d miscarry. I’d love a sterile partner as would many others. I know women who wants kids but due to genetic reasons never wants to pass on her genes. Trying to get sterilized as a woman isn't easy no matter the age or reason. They won't even do me and they know no pregnancy would survive. Do you want kids in your life? As that's a completely separate issue if you meet a single mum or want to adopt or use a donor with that partner. You can still have kids if that's what you desire. Yes some women will care, just like some men don't want me as I can't carry a child. But it's not the end if the world. You will find someone compatible, who will love you for you. My advice, be upfront. Don't waste your time and energy on those who will never be compatible with you. People think dating profiles should try to attract high numbers. But I think the opposite if you're looking to settle down (rather than casual hookups) I think people should be open and honest so you can narrow down compatibility before you even make contact. I'm an atheist. I could never be with someone who follows any religion strongly. I'm allergic to dairy, I could never be with a dairy lover as Id be scared to kiss them if they ate or drank anything recently. It's best to know upfront so feelings dont grow before we know each others relationship needs.


breezy_bree4

Honestly, I think it was very mature of you to let her know beforehand in case that’s something she wanted in the future. Some people are okay with adopting and others want their own biological children. Due to almost 2 years of chemo I may be in the same boat as you. And that’s okay, I don’t really want kids and wouldn’t want to pass this gene down anyway. There’s plenty of people who don’t want kids, or already have them and don’t want anymore. If someone cares about you, that won’t be an issue. It’s their loss.


cakeisreallygood

There are lots of women who want to be child free or would be okay with adopting or a sperm donor. She wasn’t one of them and that’s okay, you two weren’t right for each other. Just keep being honest.


lovelynutz

Hey bro, I get it. The secret? Older women! But seriously older women have had children and may not want more…you would be a perfect fit. Whereas young girls want to party and want kids. Older women usually have figured this out. There is someone out there for you, it may take a little longer to find. But it’s worth it I’m rooting for you Good luck


Mudtail

Do you have cystic fibrosis? Not all women want children, there’s someone out there for you!


skbiglia

There are plenty of women who don’t want children. There are plenty of women who do but would prefer to adopt. This isn’t hopeless at all, and you’re doing what’s best for you and them by being forthcoming about it upfront: this is an issue that won’t go away because someone is in love. I’m sorry this hurts, but don’t let it keep you from putting yourself out there.


DeepBlue_1996

I’m so sorry about your breakup! But don’t lose hope, there are so many women that don’t want children, myself included. If I was to date a guy who told me he was sterile I would honestly be thrilled haha. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Give it some time, I know you’ll find someone that won’t even be phased by it!


chuckyb3

Look on the bright side, you never have to use a condom!


PileaPrairiemioides

Do you want children? If so it's got to be harder to find someone to date but certainly not impossible. Infertility is common. If you don't want children, then date women who also don't want children. The fact that you are sterile will be a massive asset! Like it makes me *very happy* to learn that a potential partner has had a vasectomy because I know it's one less thing to worry about.


Ok-Beginning-5050

Hi. I can't have kids either and I am a female. There are many women who can't or don't want to have kids. So don't worry, you will find a woman.


eljewpracabra

you just gotta find a girl who hates kids. shes bound to be jazzed by the fact you cant impregnate her..THRILLED even.


Sassywitchy

As a woman who does not want children, this would be perfect for me lol, someones out there for you, i promise


Anxious_Reporter_601

There are a lot of women who don't want kids for whom guaranteed sterility would be a huge bonus in a relationship. It won't be a deal breaker for everyone even if the people for whom it will be might be in the majority.


blewyn

NGL you’ll probably have a hard time til about age 35. After that, you’ll be drowning in women. Unattached men that have nothing massively wrong with them are gold dust to women in the 40+ age bracket


AdventurousDoubt1115

You’ll 100% find someone. I wouldn’t have kids for the right partner, or if my partner and I wanted kids and one of us was sterile I’d be very open to adoption, and creating family other ways.


tealsteel123

There are many people out there who don’t want children. Maybe you can try online dating and select people that don’t want children. Like another poster said, if you do want children in your life, you can also adopt, or meet people that happen to already have children. I can imagine it must be difficult to disclose this upfront, but good on you for doing so.


BeautifulWorking6

Not everyone wants kids. And it's not always safe to have them anyways. A lot of women would prefer a sterile guy


Silvervelocity

Plenty of women out there that don’t want kids being honest is legit and makes you a solid dude, that being said you’ve got the golden ticket to hookup city lol you can pump and dump as you will Without the consequences of getting a women pregnant


pinkyhex

Definitely keep it up front, her ending things when she did also kept you from wasting your time. Make sure to be up front and clear with whether you want kids adopted or sperm donor as well honestly because you'll get very different groups of people from your opinion on it


AHairInMyCheeseFries

Don’t worry, you’ll definitely find somebody. I’m a woman and I will not date men who want children. I’m staunchly child-free. I would sterilize myself if I could find a doctor to do it. Point is, I’m not unique, there are plenty of women who don’t want children. Good luck!


Kelly_T19

I disagree. There are some women that aren’t interested in having children. When you have that discussion early on and mention being sterile you will find the right one for you.


ilivearoundtheblock

**Do you want children?** That's the next thing you have to be ready to say, Yes or No. Obviously in your case it would have to be adoption or donated sperm. But at 25 you should be ready with answers to those questions. Biological clocks ARE ticking! Sterile: nbd. But what next?! I was always on the fence about kids (ended up happily Auntie-only) but when was your age I'd break up with you just for not knowing the answers to all those next questions! A little 😁 and a lot of 💞 to you.


RevolutionaryHat8988

When I met my wife I did not know if I was sterile or not. I had been told since a child that I could be. Interestingly my mum tried many times to have me go and have the check but I told anybody and everybody that I wasn’t going to. I was going to live a normal life and work the problem when the time came. Anyway; I dated my wife for five years prior to marriage and told her day one I could be sterile. Twice she asked me to be checked, I said no. First time she asked I said if it’s an issue we can break up. Second time she asked I demanded that she tell me if she has an issue with me possibly not being able to have babies , she agreed it made no difference as we could adopt. She obviously loved me was my feeling. We married. We tried for kids and super quick she became pregnant! I hope this helps, there are people out there that will accept and love you sterile or not .


Thirsty-Boiii

Hey OP I broke up with someone once because I didn’t want kids and if I did, I wanted to adopt instead of have biological children. My ex dreamed of being a father. At first adoption was fine but he eventually confessed he hoped I would change my mind. I couldn’t promise more than that. We were together for 3 years. A lot of issues drove the full break up, but the kids was a start. If I started dating a guy who was sterile, I wouldn’t mind because of where my head is at. My current boyfriend is fully open to adoption and I am more open to doing pregnancy labor with him than my ex (my current boyfriend has a career, my ex worked part time). You just need to find someone whose values currently align with yours. It’s smart to mention it early like this or you’ll end up in weird, and completely avoidable positions like me with my ex after a couple years- honesty is key.


Morall_tach

>Is there ever hope for someone like me? [About 44% of people ages 18 to 49 report it’s unlikely or “not too likely” that they’ll have children.](https://www.today.com/parents/more-americans-report-not-wanting-have-children-ever-t239990) You just need to find someone who doesn't care about having kids and you're golden. Also, kids aren't completely off the table for you. There's always the option for a sperm donor or adoption. That said, I don't know if you need to tell people after "a couple of dates," that seems like jumping the gun a little.


Raspberry-daisy

Sorry for the situation, but glad it was an amicable conversation and agreement between you too. It shows how you take in consideration how you medical condition could affect your future relationship, keep that attitude and you'll find a great partner. So IMO no, there isn't anything wrong with letting them know. Out of curiosity, you didn't mentioned if you do or don't want kids, and I believe you can have a fruitfull and happy relationship in both scenarios, just a bit trickier to navigate if you do want kids. I agree with almost all comments, saying to search a partner that either doesn't want children or a partner with similar infertility conditions where a decision to adop/surrogate would be mutual instead of the other side having to compromise on adoption/surrogacy.


BurgerKingFeetLet

I promise you will find someone who will love for how you are. Like other commenters have said, a lot of women don’t want children. You made the right choice telling her soon in the relationship and I think it’s great thing to continue doing for future relationships. Don’t give up OP!


RevolutionaryTea5340

I was born via a sperm donor, so there are certainly ways to have kids with a woman that are genetically hers. Buying sperm doesn’t cost much, you could also you a relatives if you do want children that are related to you. I wouldn’t disclose this so early! Many people are infertile! It’s pretty normal! I’d you want kids, there are certainly ways to have them, including adoption and sperm donors!


blehblahbloopboop

I don’t want kids and if I found a hot sterile guy who treats me right, it would be game over. Put a ring on that please and thank you. Sex all day long.


astareastar

You'll find someone, but you need to know what being sterile means to you. Does it mean you're child free? If so, look to dating where other's also don't want kids. Does it mean you're open to adoption or donor DNA? If so, be upfront about that, so it's not that you don't want kids, just that it'll take a bit more work. Continue being up front though, when it comes around to the "do you want xyz" convos, this is an important one to include, so that people can make informed decisions. This helps weed out to make sure you're with the person who is right for you. Keep on, you're doing really well. Sometimes it'll be a bummer moment, but you're doing it right.


Dang_It_All_to_Heck

I worked with kids who had Cystic Fibrosis for many years. Almost all the boys were sterile d/t lack of vas deferens. As the kids got older, they found girlfriends and married. Some stayed childless, some adopted, some used a sperm donor and some went the IVF route. I can think of a few who stayed single, but at least one of those had no desire to marry. There is definitely hope for you. Don't give up!


tsoou

I'm sorry for your disease and for your break up. I know that shit sucks, but all hope is definitely not lost. There are a lot of women who don't want kids at all. There are also plenty that would be open to adopting. There's also the option of using a sperm donation if you're okay with that or even someone who already has her own kids and doesn't need/want more. Good on you for being open and honest, and good luck!


OverRipe-Cucumber

As a child free lady, who has a few child free friends. We are out there, it's not that uncommon. As you get older too, people have kids, break up, become single parents, don't want anymore, but still want a partner. There are also people who want to adopt. There are also women out there in your situation, sterile and struggling with that. There are all kinds of people with unique goals and dreams and life situations, not everyone is looking to get pregnant.


daydreaming-g

When I was struggling with dating after every rejection I thought to myself this will be just a silly memory once I find the love of life. I’ve decided to take a break from dating after so many bad dates but one day we will find out person


Key_Dragonfruit_3681

Wow. So as a female I appreciate you telling her as most won’t be so upfront. As someone who is scared of fertility struggles I completely get where you are coming from. I did the same thing saying I might have issues having kids until I know for sure. Wanted to be sure they knew. Thankfully my partner was like we can explore options. You will find a woman. It’s kind of a hard journey I’m sure but you don’t have to rely on a woman to be happy. You can adopt by yourself if it ever came to it or marry a woman who doesn’t care about fertility stuff. Peace man. You’ll find a golden gal.


StankButtInMyOwnButt

All we can say for sure if you will never have kids


Rockstaryihaw

You’re doing the right thing, there are woman who want kids and other that don’t, just gotta find the right one for you


Hwats_In_A_Name

Plenty of people don’t want kids. If for some reason my SO and I can’t have kids and we want kids, we will figure it out. Idk why the whole “biologically mine” thing matters to people. So don’t get too down. Lots of girls don’t care.


fluffybeetle

Many women don't want kids and there's also adoption if they do!


Lisavela

Honestly you being sterile will decrease your dating options but I think it’s great you’ve been upfront and wish you the best of luck


thicccece

100%. A lot of people, esp zoomers & millennials, are opting to not have kids and I personally love a guy that shoots blanks and doesn’t want kids. I bring that up pretty early on as I don’t want kids and don’t want to date someone on that’s just looking for a uterus. Even if I did want kids, I would adopt, and the last few people I’ve dated have been on the same page. My last boyfriend grew up in foster care and was super supportive of my thoughts on parenting because he wanted to adopt as that’s what he wished someone would have done for him when he was a kid. Whether you want kids or don’t, believe me, there’s plenty of ways to be happy in either situation without the ability to have biological children, and lots of people to love that feel the same way :)


Zutphenismyname

Plenty of women don't want children


corpes_magnus

It is quite normal dude. Basically having children is the PRIMARY reason of people having sex. or it was so anyway. Yeah it would be good idea to tell it at the very beginning. And no, you won't die alone. There are infertile women too. Or women who already have children and don't want more. Or women who don't have children and don't want any. I think you will be all right.


Alert-Potato

You definitely did the right thing. It would have sucked for both of you if it got to the catching feelings stage, then you disclosed something that made you fundamentally incompatible. It wouldn't have only wasted her time, it would have wasted your own time, and you should value yourself enough to not spend time dating women who won't be a good match for you long term. (if your goal is a long term relationship, and it sounds like it is) I haven't seen this addressed yet (although maybe I missed it), but I do think one of the things you should keep in mind when disclosing this is what you want for your future in terms of children. Do you want to be a parent? If so, do you want to adopt, use donated embryos, sperm donor, foster to adopt? In what ways are you open to achieving that goal. This can help you decide with a woman if it'll work on this front. Or do you not want to be a parent? Because there's no reason this has to be a fundamental incompatibility issue with women who want to have children unless that woman only wants to get to parenthood via natural conception. If you don't want kids, that may even be easier, as you can disclose on dating apps (or wherever) that you don't want to ever have kids and get to the medical part later.


Resting_Beauty_Face

Of course there’s someone out there for you. I’ve never wanted children so I’ve always had to give the “if you want kids in your future don’t bother with me because you’ll be wasting both of our time” speech before dating someone new. There are plenty of people who don’t want kids or who would want to adopt.


justheretobetoxic

As someone who is also sterile (personal choice), there are plenty of us women who don’t want kids. You were upfront about it, you respected her choice, and now you can both move on and find someone that has goals that align with yours. There is lots of hope, you’ll find the right person for you <3


Careless-Detective79

If I EVER have kids, they will be adopted, regardless of my partner. M/F/fertile/infertile. I'm not breaking my hip bones for NOBODY. I'm also adopted, so I definitely have more of an open mind to it. Can't figure out why people see it as a last resort. My parents tried EVERYTHING for 10 years before adopting. Sucks to be the last option, but whatever, my life is so much better. So yeah, there are women your age (I'm F24) out there in the world that don't care or would even be relieved. At least one. I have a bf though, but maybe I'll hit you up later! Kidding. I think since it is so important, for whatever reason, that people have their own biological kids, it's definitely something you need to tell people early on, as early as expectations for the future comes up that is. Before the first time I had sex with aforementioned bf, he yelled "I DON'T WANT KIDS" and I yelled back "ME EITHER, THE FUCK!!!!!!!" So we talked about how we are going to accomplish that goal and have been getting it on regularly ever since. Hopefully it goes that well for you LOL. Edit: should mention my dad has a disease that makes him infertile, and due to technology at the time they didn't really discover it until well into the 'trying for a baby' process. I always joke that if mom had cheated she would have gotten away with it, since they didn't discover his condition for years into the marriage. Sometimes she looks at me and sighs, "I wish I could have breastfed you. Then you wouldn't have food allergies." And that's my signal to drive back home to my city 2 hours away. Lots of benefits to this situation; Dad is on appropriate medication for his condition, I don't live with my crazy-ass bio mom, loyalty was proven in my parents' marriage (it was never questioned but hey, take the W), and I have an excellent method of measuring when I've spent enough time with my family. So there's an example of a man with a similar condition to you that has a mostly functional happy family if you should ever want something similar. Best of luck to you :)


StinkyKittyBreath

I don't think it's first date conversation material, but after a few dates it's good to be open and honest. There are plenty of women who don't want children or that would be okay using donor sperm or even adopting. You just happened to be seeing somebody who wasn't okay with it. You aren't destined to be alone. Not be to tactless, but there are plenty of women out there that would see your sterility as a bonus. It's just aatter of finding them.