A few things - First, I do want to gently ask why does a potential child has to be a biological one? Having a biological child would not guarantee you'd get along or that you'd like the person this child grows up to be. That said, adoption can be expensive and comes with its own issues too.
But on a broader note, your post doesn't strike me as the post of someone who wants a child. You list a lot of reasons why the entire process would be horrible, and how you don't want to be seen as a "mother/woman/etc" while not mentioning why you do want to be a parent beyond a vague "I think I'd like that" in the comments. That's something worth thinking about.
And, being realistic - If you don't "pass" and have no plans to do so (Which is fine! You are valid!), then you have to acknowledge that society at large would see you as a child's "mother", especially if your partner is a cis man. We're talking the kid's doctors, teachers, other parents, etc.
Almost all of the things you list as stuff you'd have to do actually aren't necessary for you to do! Yes, your genitals would have to be messed with, but you could get a surrogate to carry the child. That also eliminates the giving birth part. Whether you carry or not, breastfeeding is absolutely not a requirement unless you don't have access to formula or donor milk. You'd have to play the mother role around your parents but otherwise gendered parental roles are useless.
Thanks for your input! I'll have to see how hypothetical surrogacy could be arranged because afaik it is banned in my country but it's at least some option
Why do you want children? Because you said you want them but other than that one statement everything else in this post SCREAMS that you do not want kids. Not wanting children is totally fine but finding ways to force yourself or maneuver your way into having kids is unacceptable.
I am not 100% sure if it's because my parents talk to me about how I have to have 3 kids one day etc since I'm like... 10? but I like the idea of having a family, caring for a child, give them a home etc. I know it's not gonna be easy. Still I kinda want it.
beyond the physical aspect the hardest part of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum is the mental one. beyond what sounds like an absolutely debilitating possible ordeal for you, pregnancy can also exacerbate preexisting or cause new mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, the list goes on. its the duty of the parent who would become pregnant to think about whether or not they would be able to handle that, and if they wouldn’t, would you be willing to subject a child to that? your own child, one who depends on you for everything, being parented by a possibly neglectful or otherwise mentally ill parent who can’t take care of them. kids are absolutely helpless, they depend on their parents and the other adults in their lives for everything.
think about whether or not this is something you actually want (because it sounds like you really don’t at all) and if you do want to be a parent anyway, would you be able to handle the mental burden. if you can’t, that’s not fair to you, and beyond that it’s not fair to any potential children.
A few things - First, I do want to gently ask why does a potential child has to be a biological one? Having a biological child would not guarantee you'd get along or that you'd like the person this child grows up to be. That said, adoption can be expensive and comes with its own issues too. But on a broader note, your post doesn't strike me as the post of someone who wants a child. You list a lot of reasons why the entire process would be horrible, and how you don't want to be seen as a "mother/woman/etc" while not mentioning why you do want to be a parent beyond a vague "I think I'd like that" in the comments. That's something worth thinking about. And, being realistic - If you don't "pass" and have no plans to do so (Which is fine! You are valid!), then you have to acknowledge that society at large would see you as a child's "mother", especially if your partner is a cis man. We're talking the kid's doctors, teachers, other parents, etc.
Almost all of the things you list as stuff you'd have to do actually aren't necessary for you to do! Yes, your genitals would have to be messed with, but you could get a surrogate to carry the child. That also eliminates the giving birth part. Whether you carry or not, breastfeeding is absolutely not a requirement unless you don't have access to formula or donor milk. You'd have to play the mother role around your parents but otherwise gendered parental roles are useless.
Thanks for your input! I'll have to see how hypothetical surrogacy could be arranged because afaik it is banned in my country but it's at least some option
I completely forgot that there are countries where it's illegal oof
You may want to check out r/Seahorse_Dads.
Oh my gosh, great advice, thank you!
Why not foster?
Because it's not that easy to actually get a child this way especially if you're queer where I live. And I would prefer biological kids
Then get a surrogate.
Why do you want children? Because you said you want them but other than that one statement everything else in this post SCREAMS that you do not want kids. Not wanting children is totally fine but finding ways to force yourself or maneuver your way into having kids is unacceptable.
Doesn't come off as not wanting children imo, just not wanting to deal with pregnancy and the prescribed "mother" role
I am not 100% sure if it's because my parents talk to me about how I have to have 3 kids one day etc since I'm like... 10? but I like the idea of having a family, caring for a child, give them a home etc. I know it's not gonna be easy. Still I kinda want it.
beyond the physical aspect the hardest part of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum is the mental one. beyond what sounds like an absolutely debilitating possible ordeal for you, pregnancy can also exacerbate preexisting or cause new mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, the list goes on. its the duty of the parent who would become pregnant to think about whether or not they would be able to handle that, and if they wouldn’t, would you be willing to subject a child to that? your own child, one who depends on you for everything, being parented by a possibly neglectful or otherwise mentally ill parent who can’t take care of them. kids are absolutely helpless, they depend on their parents and the other adults in their lives for everything. think about whether or not this is something you actually want (because it sounds like you really don’t at all) and if you do want to be a parent anyway, would you be able to handle the mental burden. if you can’t, that’s not fair to you, and beyond that it’s not fair to any potential children.