T O P

23, architect in Chicago. Little tired. Roast me like coffee.

How the hell does a grown man only grow HALF a mustache??

Guilty_Hunter9304

How the hell does a grown man only grow HALF a mustache??


tophillpaul

Its not a moustache - it’s a flying buttress supporting his eyebrows


Fairmount_Throwaway

Or he’s glued his pubic hair to his lip


afulton737

I know right!! WTF.


skipnstones

He definitely was sniffing the lead holder at lunch…


Undercrackrz

![gif](giphy|ph8t8u5bErf56)


stonedlemming

[beat me too it](http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20101015151246/muppet/images/0/05/Beaker.jpg)


[deleted]

r/beatmea…fuckitnevermind


EitherEconomics5034

r/beatmeeptoit


Wrinklefighter

You know who's REALLY tired? Your upper lip. Tired of you pretending you can grow a mustache.


naka-duskael

Hahaha!


[deleted]

I hope your plans look better than your face, otherwise shits going down (literally).


afcagroo

I'm pretty sure that "down" is the preferred direction for shit. With this guy in charge, shit's going sideways,


mush8292

If Art Vandelay actually was a real person


KJNeptune

You look like the villain from every 90's High School based movie.


HankHasHerpes

if you stopped grinding your face into other men's assholes you'd stop getting their pubes stuck on your lips.


VanFam

Fucking hell! I gasped and choked from coughing. 😂


pegasus_snow

Frankie Muniz after hittin the crackpipe


afulton737

Damn, that one's on the money. Some people also say Asa Butterfield.


Evolone100

![gif](giphy|1IVA26ovnIMk9ZwG0k) Edit: posted then saw the comments guess I wasn’t the only one. Meep


bored_and_gay

Jesse Pinkman on even more meth


crap_monkey

How can your eyes be simultaneously too close together, yet too far apart, and looking in opposite directions, all at the same time? Like schroedingers eyes.


AriMeowber

Frank Lloyd Wrong.


editsnacks

Lead designer at Vandalay industries


AriMeowber

Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?


ImpressivePurchase44

This guy's pic proves asymmetric lines are not pleasing to the eye.


turdmachine

Solid as Iraq


a-v-rossi

Went to the barber and asked for the McDonald’s hairline.


Shykneeheiny

It looks like your mom got me too’ed by beaker the muppet


mountain-pilot

Playing with your sister's Lego doesn't make you an architect.


[deleted]

Art Vandegay


ImpressivePurchase44

Fart Vandelay


[deleted]

Art Cantgetlaid


campatterbury

Two architecture terms come to mind. Butress and groin vault


RedTheDopeKing

You can’t even design a moustache, no way you can design a building.


Antic-Waited

![gif](giphy|uC04PeZYsO8ow)


TheeDonger

You look like a 13 year old trying his best to buy cigarettes


MajorPainkiller

![gif](giphy|yfEjNtvqFBfTa)


STL_241

Dude, shave off half those massive fucking eyebrows and use the clipping to supplement that pathetic, disgusting excuse for a mustache.


afulton737

Buahahaha. How about I just take Tren.


spoopycow

How much did you get paid for starring in Ice Age?


fullmetal66

No matter which way you scroll each picture gets worse than the previous


IsawLenin

He looks like Bert ![gif](giphy|MtmFbGJ6YsUEg)


afulton737

My eyebrows are dark af.


ninefire

How do you have thick ass eyebrows and a thin baby hair mustache?


IResentment

Stache’ hair went to the eyebrows


Powerful_Mood9292

If it’s any consolation looks hardly matter if you have enough money.


afulton737

Hahaha. Thank you?!


Yankeeboy7

To bad architects don’t make as much as people think


[deleted]

[удалено]


Yankeeboy7

Same lol


The-Great-Clod

Better start that Rogaine regime, my dude, you don't got much time.


Cold_outside__

I didn’t need 3 pictures of you to want to scroll faster


heybill99

![gif](giphy|l46CdxUEWXLaBzMVW)


groupongang

Joe dirts younger brother


[deleted]

[удалено]


afulton737

Almost there though. Doing everything except signing off on projects.


[deleted]

[удалено]


afulton737

Dang. Yeah I probably won't get AXP hours done till I'm 27 or 28.


drpepper1992

![gif](giphy|l4Ho77ZnvjRes42CA) i thought I recognized your nose from somewhere


HankHasHerpes

That's the look the villagers children made as your crappy building crushed their hopes and dreams... and spines.


BigDaddyDolla

U got a 1.5 mustache.


[deleted]

Too bad you couldn't design a real mustache


Death_to_juice

You look like a toothbrush


[deleted]

You kinda look like Squeezie


AnyAnywhere8614

Im just scared that your eyes are going to fall off


afulton737

off*?


AnyAnywhere8614

Thanks 😅


FahQPutin

You should draw up a better designed mustache.


azad0404

His boyfriend probably told him how manly his mustache looks. Shave that thing


TheNorthernPenguin

Enjoy your last decade with hair!


SubUrbanMess2021

The face that sunk a thousand ships.


urmomismysafespace

Your eye brows fucked and looks like the kid lives downstairs


RoystonCornwallis

Ivan Drago if he decided not to go into boxing and stay a wimp


groupongang

You look like you own a copy of mein kampf but identify as a free spirit so you don’t have to shower


groupongang

Eyes like a sloth on meth


bennyblanco2022

how did you get that mustache to grow in all white trashy like that?


fer549

Frankie Muniz with 10% rat DNA.


ZapMayor

Hair turned into Sonic the Hedgehog


UnlawfulDuckling

Jesse Pinkman from Disney minus.


[deleted]

You were in my math textbook in 1996


The_Fox1984

Have you hit puberty yet


NoRoom4BoomBoom

Thinks he’s gonna be the next Mies van der Rohe - drafts generic house plans for new subdivisions.


quiver-me-timbers

You spelled graphic designer wrong


afulton737

Damn, that's harsh.


Wet_FriedChicken

Your caption says architect but your office screams intern.


afulton737

How did you know?!


Firetorn4d0

You look like Rooster if he didn't stay in the Flight Academy.


JohnWad

Making Popsicle stick houses with your meemaw doesnt make you an architect.


GooseNYC

Architect? Your junior high kid mustache is crooked and uneven.


Flimsy-Jello5534

If the structural integrity of your buildings are as strong as that moustache the people in it are fucked.


After-Bowler5491

![gif](giphy|ph8t8u5bErf56) Architect my ass


buckeyeking84

You look like a pre evolved Grayson Waller


AxeManIII

Jesse pink man with facial dysmorphia


superdavey1

Sweet hairline Count Dracula


duckling-peanut

I hope your projects have more symmetry than your eyes.


Atomic_Starburst59

If I was an architect, that’s not how I would design a face.


lordenzoj

How are you tired when you look like you've been smoking meth?


Intelligent-Call-660

He's an American-raised citizen from Whoville.


Archkyoji

Are you an architect of shitty moustaches?


[deleted]

You're a furry, aren't you?


afulton737

Just in certain places.


[deleted]

Bruh


socialist_frzn_milk

Beaker, if he ran an upskirt website.


P3RL3X

Nice mustache


afulton737

Hahahaha. Thanks!


Ill-Sea7527

![gif](giphy|swCwjwi7a5quY)


[deleted]

[удалено]


afulton737

Meep Meep.


[deleted]

I feel like you get roasted enough.


thatRedditGrind

Right eye russian deserter, left eye ukranian grandma.


Indaflow

You look like you work for Abercrombie and Fitch but at the discount Outlet store


Undiluted-sausage

This is what most people look like after 12-14 months deceased


ShipWrect_

you look like if Bill Nye had a druggie son


Bercleh

You look like an Angry Bird, but Happy.


APCO-P25

Your eyes look like a fucking fly, bulging out of your head. And what the fuck is up with your hair? Looks like you were fucking electrocuted


Throwaway-159-25

That hairline is receding faster than a Russian soldier on Ukrainian soil


Bland_Boring_Jessica

![gif](giphy|sDi9YOzk9ie2c)


Intelligent-Rest6204

Daniel Not-Rad Cliffe


BigE1263

Man, you really are my ugly doppelgänger


afulton737

Shots fired. Pull up.


SlutDungeonDotInfo

U look like Mr Bean and that muppet beaker had a kid.


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|9PgvV8ale90lQwfQTZ|downsized)


afulton737

My inspiration.


DomBellom

I hated you on Game of Thrones


ReviewOk929

Did not know Jamie Vardy was on Reddit.


Throwaway-20-22

How do you like your roast? Light, medium, or dark?


afulton737

Make it dark with some sugar.


Loud_Pain4747

![gif](giphy|CHvb0q52tIGwMpluv6|downsized)


Ritzrandom

Knockoff Antoine Griezmann


mactex0404

You look like different people in each pic, each with a different chromosomal abnormality


knotworkin

Hope your buildings have more structure than that cheesy mustache!


Successful-Smell5170

Superior race my ass.


dickhertsfromholden

God must'a been going through a brutalist architecture phase when he put your face together.


Main_Adhesiveness688

Snoop dog ain’t ever gonna be as high as yo hairline bro


nhranger

He looks like he designs box stores.


afulton737

Ouch that one hurts.


FlappyFlipsMcGoo

![gif](giphy|14mXrKfiQA1swo)


ReviewOk929

If cocaine had a face.....


Worried-Management36

Looking like you work 47 jobs so you can save up to buy your gf Lulu a house while you side hustle old womens priceless jewelry. Lookin like you played jesus in the living portrait. Eat burnt toast and say ,"mmmm the seasoning is very nice today"


afulton737

That's oddly specific.


Worried-Management36

I was implying that you look like Kirk from Gilmore Girls. Which arguably isnt actually a roast


blondart

That eyebrow came down for a drink and never left.


gigachUd69

Coffee did you mean crack cocain


afulton737

Shhhh. That's a trade secret.


AmIUglyThrowaway1123

Are you a tree? Because you've got two caterpillars above your eyes..


Burning_Flags

Yeah that mustache will grow in


Ok-Tradition9333

You look like the great value version of Daniel Radcliffe


Baldrich146

All these years later, facial hair still doesn't look good on you Ted Moseby.


cooliojames

Good luck in your interior design career


[deleted]

Looks like the human version of Beeker from the Muppets.


a_soggy_poptart15374

Lip seasoning


kellislandrum

![gif](giphy|x6nuX5k0oKLLAoFACp)


memer_man756

Pathetic mustache and looks like his from Ohio


afulton737

The worst roast of all.


pussycatdonavan

Drugs will stunt your growth


biofed55

Blueprint for failure….


Large-Perspective-53

Y’all are weird for being so negative… he’s def top 10 hottest guys in Chernobyl


afulton737

Hahahaha, nice one.


davinciSL72

You might be an architect but that forehead ridge was designed by MC Escher


Zeewasnthere

bro don’t look right (or left)


MyNameIsVex21

This dude said "Today we will cosplay as a carrot"


[deleted]

You look like Taylor Bybee from Coaster Studios mixed with Asa Butterfield and Tom Holland.


JessInFourWalls

Bro thinks stacking boxes in the back of Walmart makes him an architect


RxCowboy59

Building forts out of chairs and blankets doesn't make you an architect ace.


StaleCracker1234354

This man has seen some shit


muscleliker6656

The eyebrows match the mustache


sainttardamus

I thought this was r/roastme....where the hell did the Muppet come from?


afulton737

My orange shirt and big eyes lol.


LovePuzzleheaded3409

Ma man's telling his barber to give him the hedgehog classic


TheThree_headed_bull

Yet another person who won’t actually build anything


Scrapers25

Now we know what happened to Frankie Muniz


Tumescreant

God, do you have to pluck your eyelids?


juantzutree

You look like you just woke up at the dentist and discovered they removed your entire lower mandible


aeturnes

You look like the lead in a gay porn titled “Malcum in the middle”


churro1776

More like Howard Dork….


churro1776

More like Howard Dork….


survival-nut

He kissed his first girl and she got a boner.


rafa11_scp

You look like you enjoy smelling your own farts.


afulton737

Self projection?


StrangeAtomRaygun

That dude 100% fucked a coconut.


afulton737

😂


Freddymain

Looks like you forgot to lube up for… “Hide The T-Square.”


nawty_munkey

you're the type of obsessive guy who would cram all night for a rectal exam one week early


masked_incompetent

You are the cornerstone of every douchebag.


xiaopewpew

Man you gon get slaughtered in dating scene in Chicago, lads fine as fuck there, then there is you, fucked as fuck.


DamianDidntDoIt

You should delete the first picture


TheSkullsOfEveryCog

It took the Cubs over 100 years to break their dry spell. You couldn’t live long enough to break yours.


fazzz08

Unibrow


tastelikethickwater

18 to 80 blind, deaf and crazy, and you still can’t get laid.


ChampionshipSea8446

The look of remembering you just sat in your own turds.


SlaapYoMomma

You're like the gay porn version of Joe Burrow


songsinger0

You look like the police sketch of every child molester at large.


ItsNotMeMaybe

That**Coke**is^coke’n boooooyyyyyyy