Peer pressure is a wonderful thing. At this age. :)


🙌🏽 riding the peer pressure wave here! I feel like my LO's daytime feeding and napping has stayed consistent despite all other disruptions (milestones, teething, sickness etc) only because of the daycare. In fact, in the early days of starting solids, some of his new foods came from daycare. He still naps half the usual time on weekends at home.


I didn’t think of this! Yes!! I have been caught saying to myself what are people saying, teething, regression…. Not terrible… but the consistency of daycare would help


As we progress into toddlerhood, the importance of consistency and routines hits me every single day.


It's amazing how even at such a young age we feel the need to conform to some kind of societal norm. It's also the reason kids get all rowdy after pre-school, they can finally let loose and be themselves when they get home.


This is how both of my children were potty trained, as well lmao


Seriously. My daughter came home declaring her love for green beans because her classmate got her to try them!


Stop- is that all it took!?!? I need someone to tell my son that. My neighbor potty trained him. She told him not to poop in a diaper and that was the end of that, never again!


I'd call it just being influenced by the crowd. Son eats like a champ at Daycare and even when I go to my weekly family dinner he sees his cousins (around his age), not the case at home. Same with sleeping. He won't sleep on his own at night (or maybe just half a night, and then wake up in the middle of the night and come over to us asking to join us)


I see we have the same toddler.


Yes, daycare is magic! Apparently my son naps with little to no help, lays still for a diaper change, and picks up toys. Not at home!!


Can confirm. It’s a fucking portal to Hogwarts. 19mo doesn’t need a paci at daycare, regularly eats her lunch, handles diaper changes like an angel, and has on multiple occasions been described as “the sweetest baby in the world”. The MOMENT we walk out the doors, she’s freaking out for a paci and allegedly dying because she has to ride in her car seat home. Then, when you get home, if you don’t hand her something to eat upon setting foot into the house, she will go into the pantry and start screeching while taking things off the shelves (note: I moved her snack basket out of reach because all she was doing was eating snacks ALL THE TIME.) And don’t get me started on the damn diaper changes.


Apparently it's a good sign that they go a bit nuts at home. It means they've been on their best behaviour all day but know its safe to let loose at home. Doesn't feel so great when you've only got back from your 9-5 and now have to deal with your 5-9 of shrieking.


I’ve heard that! I think it’s an indication that they’re comfortable and feel safe emotionally in their home environment. Doesn’t help my sanity, but yay emotionally safe children!


YES!!! Every day I hear "he had a GREAT day!" And then he comes home and cries and whines and fusses all evening.


Yup me too


Do you have a designated "diaper change toy"? I found a great way to keep them still (and keep hands out of dirty nappies) is to have one specific toy you only give them to play with when changing diapers. Something very simulating, like with lights or sounds or interesting textures is best. It keeps their interest for long enough to get the diaper changed, and because they only get it for a few minutes at a time they don't get bored quickly.


We had ceiling fans installed in our kids room and the remote for that is exactly as you described. No more hands in poop!


The only thing that has ever been a sure thing is a phone, and I hate giving her a phone. It’s a damn gateway drug. Plus it scares me how immersed in it she gets so quickly. I’ll totally take any toy tips if you have a specific one that’s worked well.


Is it the lights and sounds the phones makes that she likes, or is it the fact she has a hold of a grown up thing she's not usually allowed? An older phone without Internet access might work, or something else that's yours she's not usually allowed to have. A play phone might also work. I usually keep an eye on whatever the child's current interest is and make it something related to that. For example the kid I nanny at the moment is 2.5 and heavily into "being like the grown-ups". So if I can't coax him to stay still for the nappy then I'll give him my sunglasses or my necklace to play with. My necklace is pretty chunky and easily cleaned, and my sunglasses are cheap things I picked up in a charity shop so I'm not too stressed about him chewing on them or anything. Your mileage may vary depending on your kid's age and developmental stage, but I hope this helps. And if it doesn't, just remember they won't be in nappies forever! One day it'll all be in the past lol.


We have the same child, I think


My child somehow dies in the car on the way home too…. 🤔


Do we have the same kid? Lol. I feel this to the max. We are trying to get our 2 year old off the paci. She doesn’t need it at school at all but the moment I pick her up she just wails for it.


Why even keep giving it to her?


I laughed way to hard “at portal to hogwarts” 🤣 because literally, yes. We feel the same with our LO and daycare.


If you're flexible enough to sit on the floor for a diaper change, one leg across baby's chest (with your foot/heel on the floor so you can apply gentle pressure with your leg but not squish your little) does wonders to contain a combative baby for a diaper change (so baby is laying with their head outside your legs and everything chest down between your legs). I hit the, "Screw it let's go WWE," point real early on with my twins (don't judge there's two of them and one of me and their dad checked out after 3 months) and after like two diaper changes they accepted their fate because they knew there was no getting out of the leg pin. Bonus points, if their arms are above your leg they can't reach anything. It definitely looks ridiculous. My mom has multiple photos of me changing diapers because she thought it was absolutely hilarious. But my girls didn't actually mind (beyond the first few times when they were just mad I took their ability to fight away) and diaper changes became way less stressful for all of us. I did explain to them in simple terms that we had to change diapers so they wouldn't get an ouchie rash and I was sympathetic that I knew they didn't like it and it's hard when we have to do things we don't like every time they fussed about it (they're almost 3 now and they still randomly yell, "So you don't get a rash!" when I wipe them) but without the leg pin those words would've gone nowhere.


I think I'm picturing the position correctly. How long did you have to do that? My 17mo is already over 30lbs and 32 inches tall, so it's not always so easy! LOL. These days I usually change wet diapers standing and dirty diapers by handing him my phone with a Disney song playing.


I did it from when my girls were around 14/15 months until they were cooperative and stable enough to do standing poop changes, which was a bit after they turned 2 but they were late walkers and delayed so it took longer for them to be able to follow directions. Looks gross but for standing poop diapers you can have them do a down dog position (hands on the floor, booty in the air) to clean up most poops and they tend to like it a bit better because it's not flat on their backs. Once they could do the down dog I'd always give them a choice and it was only a month or so before they were consistently choosing to stand and stick their butts in the air. I feel you on the big baby thing. My girls are 38 pounds and they're not even 3 yet. I've started shopping for clothes for them in the kids section. Eta: Pinning for diaper changes might start as a struggle but it will stop once they realize it's not working. So you don't have to stay stronger than them, you just have to be the first few times and then they realize it's not worth it.


It does work. It also does look rediculous. But my 16 mo soon also subdued. Except now he'll troll me by getting a super sweet innocent face and lay totally still so I'll think, "oh! I'm good. No need for the leg." Then as soon as the diapers off, he ninjas up poop clinging to his butt cheeks and all... So back to pinning him down.


Thanks, I might give it a try!


Omg that’s how I used to change my little sister when I was a teenager 😂 always thought I was being too harsh by pinning her (lightly!) with my leg, so i’m glad to know others use this technique too lmao


It’s the picking up toys and putting them back that pisses me off. I am currently looking at my living room floor contemplating just throwing all of his toys away because they are everywhere.


I recently put my foot down about this. "We can't play with play doh until you clean up your blocks." At first he would tantrum (sometimes for 30+ minutes...) but I gently but firmly held the boundary and now he's a lot better about it!! Rarely argues and usually starts cleaning it up right away!


I really should start doing this. We even bought a toy chest to put in the living room so that it’s easy to put everything back in there.


I'm honestly not bothered by it during the day, but when I try to initiate clean up time just before dinner, he starts crying and wants to play with the toys I put "away" (aka, on the extremely reachable toy shelf).


Same. My son goes down 95% of the time without issue at his daycare, it's the opposite number at home.


My kid--who has never met an egg he didn't immediately yeet onto the floor--goes to daycare and happily gobbles down an entire egg salad sandwich, then miraculously toddles to his cot and naps like an angel instead of yelling from his crib for more Elmo for 20 minutes.


Omg the laying still for diaper changes! I see him on the camera lying limp and I’m just thinking you demon child! Save the fits for me haha


It is both magical and terrible. My daughter has picked up MANY good habits at daycare (the fact that she says please and thank you without much teaching from us beyond reinforcement is amazing). But this is nearly dwarfed by the amount of germs she has picked up at daycare. My God I have never been sick so often.


The worst is when kiddo's on the mend, about to go back to daycare and you think you've dodged it, then you wake up with that familiar itch in your throat... like just get it over with already.


Oh God tell me about it. I'm just getting over something now, and it's SUCH a standard progression: Itchy throat > runny nose > congestion > coughing > lung butter > dry cough > recovery Every single time, I pray to skip the congestion or the dry cough and it never happens.


Lmfao this is eerily accurate. Currently stuck in the lung butter phase of the latest bug, but hoping to move into dry cough by tomorrow. Can’t wait to go through it all again in about 6 weeks!


I love that prior to meeting me, my wife had never heard of "lung butter". She got a cold soon after meeting me, and when I used that term, she was like, "that is an absolutely disgusting, and also completely accurate description of what I'm coughing up."


I am at this moment experiencing the same reaction as your wife had.


I feel you sister, we have been swapping non stop daycare crud all month - currently in an urgent care waiting room waiting for a strep test. Six weeks ago it was a stomach bug (at 36 weeks pregnant) that sent me to an ER for iv fluids. In May the kids brought home Covid. Blech.


Ugh. It’s not even me getting sick, it’s him being sick so often. We just got over HFM and today we woke up and had to hit the ER because croup.


My kiddo had the HFM. Wasn't all that bad for her, but MY GOD did it hit my wife like a runaway truck. And yeah the frequency of illness can be a huge bummer.


Yeah. His case was VERY mild. Really no mouth sores, mostly on his hand where he suck’s his thumb and bumps all over his knees. And the croup seems not too bad so far, though it was scary to wake up to his labored breathing.


Yeah, we get sick all the time too. My last workplace I got covid from a preschooler in the first week (which opened me up to a chest infection), the workplace before that I got Hand Foot and Mouth which triggered tonsillitis. Wearing masks at work was a godsend.


I’m a preschool teacher and have been sick nonstop for months before. Kids are germy and gross, absolutely love them though.


Over Christmas I was so sick I couldn’t stop shitting my pants and ended up in urgent care wearing a diaper after 3 days of nonstop vomiting/diarrhea. The nurse said “Ah yes, a case of daycare Ebola” and chuckled. Man it’s crazy what we can go through.


Yep! Idk how they do it, but my daughter is apparently one of the best little eaters there and sits down and eats all her meals. She no longer naps but when she did daycare just told her to sleep and she did usually for at least 1.5 hrs, meanwhile I’m walking her miles in her stroller just to try to get her to doze off for 30 mins.


I theorize it’s because there is a kitchen in my son’s daycare but he has never utilized it. Food appears, take it or leave it. And most other people are eating it…


It's insane, isn't it?! My son goes to daycare 3 days a week, and 3 days a week I pack a protein, vegetable, carb, and fruit. This is the same as every other day. When he's at home he will generally ignore the protein and have one or two bites of veg. At school he eats it all. The teachers always comment how great it is that he loves vegetables. I'm like HOW? How do you get him to eat these things without 89% of it on the floor???


The magic is in the absense of mom. Kids behave at their worst with us, to everyone else - often dad included - they listen more and at least try to be polite. Mom is the ultimate emitional trash bin. It's because they love and trust us the most apparently - that we would still love them even when they use us as punching bags.


That's what I think too lol Other places are conditional, mom and dad are Always Love You My two were perfect angels for my parents at every visit, now that we live next door and see them a lot more they've graduated Meme and Grandpa to the same Always Love You level and act their normal spicy selves


Teachers are also better at setting and holding boundaries than parents are in general.


Yes lol


Yes lol


My SO and I were talking about this exact thing. For little kids it's like a leftover survival instinct "If I behave with these adult caretakers they will feed me but if I give them trouble they will throw me into the woods or something and leave me behind" Mom would never do that because her instinct is to help her offspring survive. My SO said "So is he afraid my mom will eat him that's why he behaves perfectly?" Basically yes lol


Yep, I don't know how many times daycare has said they were wonderful that day, only to have the meltdowns start when we get home. Sometimes even earlier, the second we get in the car.


I run my own daycare and my son goes there too with three others. During daycare hours he naps, helps pick up toys, does what he's told to a fair degree etc. The MINUTE the last kid leaves - I'm struggling like every other parent. I have no idea...


Super interesting! This makes it sound like it’s really the peer aspect that keeps kids in line at daycare.


I learned to some “magic tricks” when I was a part-time daycare teacher. They worked great when we had our own kids. You actually don’t need peer pressure or the group mentality. But you can use it if it’s available. I think the best place to learn this “magic” is the free online Yale ABCs of Child Rearing course at Coursera. It’s a research based course that teaches the most effective methods according to numerous randomized controlled trials. And these methods are much more effective than just winging it, so they seem magical. (But both parents have to use the methods because important parts of the magic are easily sabotaged. You can’t fire your spouse if they insist on acting like an incompetent daycare worker.) In the comment section of the course you can find daycare owners and supervisors who require that their whole staff take the course. Speaking of peer pressure, we got our kids to eat healthy by praising all the healthy eating at the table, including the adults, including each other, while ignoring the picky eating. The adults were basically substitute peers in this situation.


my 3 year old can't go 15 minutes without attempting to attack his 6 year old brother in some way when they are both home - often times well deserved. They don't do that in public, and they're even nicer to each other at daycare (big bro is doing the daycare's summer camp, so they're in different classrooms, but if they pass each other in the hallway they stop for a chat and a hug). He also never attempts to wrestle with the other kids, doesn't have absolute melt downs, eats the food served to him, doesn't fight naps, and has fallen in love with a 3 year old named Opal, and they sit on the bench in the playground like they're 80 years old and have been through some shit. I am so proud of the kid he is when he's at daycare, and always try to sneak a peek into the classroom to just observe him being the nicest kid ever. I'm glad that I'm his safe place to fall apart, but also a bit jealous that this is how it plays out sometimes.


I love your description of the relationship between him and Opal


As a former preschool teacher, I can say that most classrooms are excellent at setting clear, unchanging boundaries. You child knows that he naps at school and he doesn’t get to skip. It’s not even an option in his mind. It’s amazing the behaviors you can encourage and potential that can be unlocked by age appropriate expectations.


I’m a preschool teacher, so I’m right there peaking at my kid eating her lunch like it’s perfectly fine, knowing damn well if I served it at home she wouldn’t eat any of it, and then napping for 2 hours, when she never naps at home. Peer pressure, routine, constant attention (I don’t have anything to do besides reinforcing routines…I’m not at work doing dishes, paying bills, or catching up on homework).


My daycare told me my girls don’t throw food on the floor there. I asked how. She said she just doesn’t allow it. What is this sorcery?!?


So I work in child care rn for toddlers. I also have my 1.5 yr old son. He is easy to put down at school with his teachers (he is in a different room than me), his dad can also put him down pretty easy; however if I do it, it takes forever to put him down and he is kicking and screaming at me... 🤷‍♀️


Its always obvious when our little one moves up to a new room cuz she comes home with a whole new vocabulary and way of looking at things, within days. Magic.


My son eats everything on his plate at daycare and asks for seconds. I will make the exact same meal at home and he won't touch it. I will never understand but at least he eats at daycare!!


Mine would have starved without daycare. It’s the only meal he eats.


I'm so glad I'm not alone!


Nah. Mine was worse. He got kicked out of a Mother's Day Out Program at 3.


What happened?


Running around, yelling, couldn't be calmed down. Would try to escape the room. After a failed attempt to put him in montessori (lasted one day) found a full-time day care that would work with him.


Not daycare but grandma's here. Youngest skipped his nap at home, but not at grandma's.


I am a childminder in the uk (in home daycare). Other peoples children are much easier than your own. I have 3 toddlers or babies daily. They sit nicely at the table. Have a drink and put their water bottles back on the side. Walk along the road holding my hand and each other’s hands, listening and paying attention. When I say it’s shoes on time they all come and sit in a row at the bottom of the stairs waiting quietly. At nap time they all trot off happily upstairs and wait by their usual cots for me to lift them in one by one. They all lie down and go straight to sleep. My own kids on the other hand are turning me grey and don’t listen to a word I say!


It's partially peer pressure and partially some magical effect child care teachers have 😂 I can put the babies in my classroom to sleep like that 🤌🏻 but my own kid nah. So it's not even like they have some special tricks. Sometimes it's just the fact that we aren't the kids parents so they feel less inclined to fight with us. Kids (especially toddlers) push boundaries and throw tantrums around people they trust to always love them even if they're naughty and that generally means parents most often.


I think daycare gets a bad rap


Make sure you’re giving your kids chances at home to do things for themselves - they might be doing something at daycare without you even knowing it. With our first, it was feeding herself - I realised one day she was capable of doing it (as she was doing it at daycare) but I was still feeding her out of habit 😂 I just had a similar experience with our second - she knows about hand washing! Unfortunately we don’t have any sinks low enough for her in the house but oh well 😝


They have magic fairy dust. It's not fair.


i'd like to know the witchcraft they use to get them all to nap in the same room!


Yes! First day of daycare he napped. I cried. I was like WTF. I wanted to go to my job and get one of the cots not in use to see if this was some cot magic. But I guess because everyone lay down he did it too.


For us it's routine. We always tried to keep ours on a similar schedule on the weekends, which made naps so much better. Now he's almost 3 and routines are the name of the game. If he knows what to expect, it's "ok!" every time. When we travel, not so much, but we also know to pick our battles at this point, for sure.


It really is. My speech delayed toddler who seems to not know how to do anything at home is completely independent at daycare. He’s also talking more lol I love daycare lol


My 3yo sits quietly and colors at daycare. Goes down for nap without a fight. Keeps her clothes on. Those things do not happen at home.




Yes, yes it is.


We once had a child who refused to eat a certain dish at home - would only eat it with us as it was the best. At his mother’s request we sent them home with a dish and she presented it to her son. Once again he claimed it wasn’t as good as ours… Moral of the story: Kids are little buggers to their parents 😂


This gives me hope. My LO fights nap at home, acts like we are torturing her whenever we try to put her down for nap. No matter how tired she is, she will actively fight nap. The other day she was holding her own eyes open with her fingers to keep herself awake. It’s ridiculous. She needs the nap though, if she doesn’t nap, by 4pm she’s GROUCHY. She starts daycare in a week and I’m so hoping she will start napping at daycare…so thank you for giving me hope!


I wouldn’t say *totally* different because our son is generally a “good” aka easy not a total little heathen kiddo at home, but he definitely saves the difficult stuff for me and dad 😂 and at daycare they rave about how great and well behaved he is and he eats great and is such a “good influence” on the other kiddos. (🥹) Whenever he gives us attitude at home we get a kick thinking about the contrast which again is really not too far off but just funny in general 😂 the biggest difference is probably mealtime, much to my dismay 😅


Our daughter eats everything at daycare. She won't touch her meals at home, EVEN with bribes. I was thinking about inviting the entire daycare class to our house every meal...


We're not magic, we just have years of experience and training in how toddler brains work. That, and the fact that toddlers tend to imitate their peers. Kids always tend to "act up" more with their parents because 1) you're usually alone with them so you can't go to a coworker for advice like we can 2) you don't have set rules you're expected to follow, meaning you're more likely to give in and 3) they know all your buttons and how to press them in the right order to get what they want. Like a parental Konami Code. I've had parents tell me they feel like they're not good enough because their kid behaves better for me than they do for them. That's not true. You just usually only have experience with a handful of children, your own, and you're with them practically 24/7 so it's natural to sometimes give them what they want in order to get some peace. We have to be firmer and less lenient because we have a dozen other children to look after (in some places, I worked in rooms with a capacity for up to 28 toddlers). If you do want to learn the tricks though, drop me a message on what you're having issues with and I can try and give you some pointers. No promises, but every little helps right? Edit: missed a word


My kids always behave better in public than they do at home.


It's kind of like how you're on your best behavior at work and when you come home, you let all that stress come out on the people there. They feel safe to feel big emotions at home bc they feel safe with you. Doesn't make it any easier, though.


Same. And I have no solutions for you. Home is a different environment, one that is apparently too busy or exciting to take a nap. Mine is now in kindergarten (no nap compared to preschool), and she refuses to nap everyday until like Wednesday when she literally passes out. We also try car rides and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.


I'm taking some time off work (and so taking her out of daycare for 3/5 days a week). I feel *so much* pressure to keep up her excellent nap routine, but more often than not she just absolutely loves playing and doesn't... seem to want to stop? Daycare is magical.


My daughter stopped napping at home quite early. Even when she napped it wasn't for long. Nursery? 2+ hour naps for years.


It's kinda like mass mentality. They see other kids do it, so they follow. BUT...one thing to think about is you WANT him to behave when out of your care. If kids behaved at daycare the same way they do at home, every kid would probably get kicked out. Home is their safe space to totally and completely be themselves and let loose. It's no different from adults: when we're in public/at work/at school, we "behave". We don't fart when we feel like it or scratch under our boob in front of others because it's not "ok". We try to keep a tidy desk because that's what your coworkers also do. Edit to add: The short answer...yes daycare is definitely magical.


This is why I miss daycare. My daughter literally was an ANGEL at school. Followed all the instructions, played nicely, all the good things. At home? Hurricane. Just a Hurricane LOL


I was amazed when my four year olds preK teacher told me she listened all day and even ate her entire lunch. Like top comment said, peer pressure is amazing in little kids.


My kid eats lunch and naps at daycare two things I can't get her to do at home.


My kid eats everything at home and asks for more but at preschool eats about half.


Yes it is! Mine became polite (in the right mood) and made me realize how rude I am lol


My kid is 3 and is only going a half day to preschool. She is the nicest kid there. She’s also good at grandmas. Not that she isn’t at home but I think they let loose with us a little more


Pack mentality: both the good and the bad.


My son one day came home from daycare and knew how to put all his food on his plate and hand it back to me when he was all done. I was so confused the first time he tried to give me the plate. Seriously magic


It must be because the angelic child they describe to me during progress reports is not the same cute little terror that I know and love at home.


I’d love for once to see a longtime daycare worker be the author of one of these books or blogs or insta accounts telling you how to get your kid to sleep. Someone with bags of daily experience other than “I had two of my own kids and read a bit of the internet”. I’d pay alllll the money.


Yes, it’s actually magic. Daycare got both of ours on sleep schedules, bottles, crib naps, and potty trained. You can pry it from my cold dead hands.


My toddler eats essentially all the food offered to him at daycare. At home it's a fight to feed him!


Whenever people ask I say He’s THRIVING at daycare.


Our daughter is 2.5 and just started at her special needs preschool (she has a speech delay). She says 3 words consistently (which is MAJOR improvement) and mainly communicates through baby sign language. The first meeting we have with her teacher a few days before school she waves and says bye for the first time! Today was her first day and she signed ‘all done’ with zero prompting. These are 2 things I’ve been having difficulty with her at home. I think it’s being around other kids and knowing that these are strangers and they can’t freely act as they do at home. I have no idea what it is, but I agree, it’s magic. Fingers crossed your kid brings these habits home!


Oh I absolutely remember being more well behaved at school for my teachers than I was at home for my parents 😂


I swear to god I saw my kid at daycare, with one hand actually twirling pasta on a fork and the other hand telling what looked like a hilarious story! At home we’re lucky to eat with both of caveman hands.


Lol, I love this post! So true!!


They are magic! We always joke about how we need to rent some kids during dinner so we can all sit around the table and eat real food.


My 3yo with a late bday just started her pre-K program. 5 days a week 5 hrs a day. I’m getting so much work done at home and she loves it! I was more nervous than she was.


Not magical. Just with people who have to set rules and follow them because it’s their job. The expectations were set, and kids follow the expectations. If there’s a specific behavior you want to change, then you know it’s within your kid, and if the kid won’t do it, it’s because of the environment and your behavior. Doesn’t put toys away at home? They know they don’t have to. So why would they?


It was for us


Omg yes. She cleans up and puts away toys. She takes naps, and even uses a blanket which she absolutely refuses at home. She uses the bathroom by herself without assistance. She sets the table for meals and snacks. She hands the kids water bottles out to them. She sits at the table and eats with the other kids. She helps the other kids that are struggling with the art activities. They told me she’s basically the third teacher in the room. At home? No, none of that.


My 4 year old is in kindergarten. But preschool actually got her eating more. And she actually napped there. She napped so well they had a hard time waking her up 😂


Kidlets are always good for EVERYONE but us 😂🥲