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EvilFinch

Stop apologize. He behaves like an ass. You works more than him. You spend your money an your groceries. You can buy what you want from your money as long as your part of the bills is paid. Why does he care what you eat?! He knew about your illness. He knew that you have a special diet. So stop giving in when he starts to throw a tantrum about your shopping. This is disrespectful. And again:stop apologizing and behaving as if YOU did something wrong. He should apologize. I wonder if it is normal that he puts you and what you do down?


ConvivialKat

Jeez. I really don't understand why you felt like you needed to hug him or feel guilty in some way. You work. You make money. You get to eat what you want. Really, the solution to this is just to tell him that you're unwilling to do any grocery shopping for him at all, any more. He can buy what he wants. And, further, he can keep his comments about your food to himself. And, don't cook for this guy, ever. Stop being such a doormat.


Cool_Story_Bro__

Over corrrrrrection. But I do agree OP that your husbands be a real ass about this.


hissing_mosquito

Completely agree. I actually chuckled at the trying to hug him part. Couldn’t be me, I respect myself too much.


Cheetosfingers69

He sounds like a damn whiner.


The-Clumsy-Pirate

>I dont want him to feel like that Why in the hell not? Stop being such a damn people pleaser. Half the posts here from women are about 'I dont want to be mean to him, I want to be nice and peaceful', all the while he doesn't mind negging you about YOUR FOOD. Ask him to his face - is my illness and eating habits too much for you? Would you prefer that I starve? He acted that way to plant a seed of doubt in your mind without explicitly telling you to stop buying expensive stuff. And it worked. Turn the table around- would you ever comment on the money he spent on grocery if he was ill or sensitive to food?


NoeTellusom

Men who don't do the grocery shopping have this bizarre concept that everything should be cheaper than it is. I have literally sat around this week and listened to multiple husbands bitch about how when THEY go to the grocery to buy groceries it's less than $100, but when their wives go it's $300. Mind you, the wives are buying for the week and the household. The men are buying a few things, possibly for a single meal. The disconnect is REAL. Script: "I'm not going to listen to criticism about the grocery bill. You are free to spend your grocery dollars the way you want. This is how I have to eat. The next time you criticize my grocery spending habits, you get to buy your own for the next month."


NYCTwinMum

My NH is the same. He’s appalled by the actual cost of groceries. If he asks for anything specific I keep the receipt and ask him for repayment. He pays begrudgingly. I told him if he finds it cheaper to save the receipt and I’ll pay him. LOL hasn’t happened yet.


NoeTellusom

When I (and most women) go to the grocery, we're buying TP, paper towels, cleaning supplies, laundry detergent ($30 right there!), bathroom supplies, herbs/spices, baking supplies, dry goods, pet food/supplies, drain cleaner, all the little geegaws that you just NEED to have a functioning household, (lightbulbs, yadda-yadda), a week's worth of food, etc. My husband goes? Milk, chocolate, cookies, maybe frozen burritos for a light night binge. No wonder he's confused how I spend $300! Granted, I've no idea how he spends $500 at home improvement stores. . .


Coco_Dirichlet

Because when they go, they buy beer, snacks, and a couple of items. They are not buying stuff to actually cook, plus trash bags or laundry detergent, etc.


[deleted]

This! My husband wonders why I spend $200 a week when he can make it on $100. I'm buying the cleaning supplies and pet products (even though they're his pets too!). He swears I give them "too much" food and litter and I buy "too much" toilet paper and "too many" mop pads etc. He's right I am! He thinks it's because we don't need that much but really it's because I'M BUYING FOR TWO! Anyone have tips for this? I swear I've tried asking and he argues I overspend. So I tried hiding the toilet paper and stuff so he'd finally refill it himself. Mf used a towel to wipe his ass.


BloodMoonOfDeath

Stop buying certain things yourself and tell him to do it. When he's missing something tell him to go buy it. Then look at his reaction how much everything costs.


[deleted]

Yeah I'll start. Honestly it only brings to light how little he cleans too. Even with groceries he asked what I wanted for dinner and I said sloppy Joe's were fine. 3 ingredients. He comes back home with a can of sauce, and said he forgot the meat and buns. Dude tried to ask me to go to the store or Instacart it. Ha. Made myself a sandwhich and he ordered pizza. *rolls eyes* I'll never understand how HE couldn't just order Instacart or pickup a pizza while he was out.


hissing_mosquito

I can’t believe you typed this out in a public forum. That’s a pathetic relationship you’re in. Weaponized incompetence should never be tolerated.


[deleted]

Me or OP or both? Lol you're on reddit. I agree it's ridiculous


hissing_mosquito

You lol, like wtf are you even doing with an idiot like that?


C_saysboo

Your marriage sounds awful.


Wwwweeeeeeee

Omg then he'll go and buy the cheapest, thinnest, falling apart 100 rolls of toilet paper for 3 bucks and will be SO proud of himself! And won't understand why it takes a whole roll to wipe his stinky butt. Even worse, he'll buy all bottom shelf plain label everything else, including the laundry soap that turns your clothes into paper.


BloodMoonOfDeath

At least he will learn that he has to buy better toilet paper. For the cleaning supplies, he actually has to start cleaning himself. But he should have a long time ago. It's a process he has to go through.


apoliticalinactivist

Sir down and compare what "two" actually looks like. Some dudes don't use mop pads at all because unless the floor is sticky, it's fine. Same with tp, as some guys go through one roll every two months. From his perspective, the cleaning supply budget went up 1000% for a 5% increase in cleanliness. The towel to wipe his ass it's bullshit though. Clearly weaponized incompetence as you know he knows how to change a roll of tp.


[deleted]

Yeah I'll try and make a chart or something. I mean I'm only looking for him to pay the extra $50 (of the $100 extra) i normally pay to cover cleaning and pet supplies. Wed both pay $150 toward overall groceries making it even. Yeah it just feels weaponized because he "doesnt mind using towels when he doesnt have TP" BUT he didnt do that when I met him. He kept his old place stocked!


dilbobaggon

So, did he casually wipe his ass with a towel or did he shamefully do it and try to hide it?


ShadowsDoMyBidding

It’s anyone who doesn’t shop. They don’t understand prices


myohmymiketyson

Suddenly feeling so thankful for my husband who grocery shops with me every week, knows what food costs, and never interrogates me over the food I buy.


tryoracle

My partner and I shop together usually. One time we ran I to each other in the store after work and we had picked the exact same things except he got flax seed bread and I got whole wheat


OwnedPlugBoy

My wife and I always shop together, we bitch about to price to the employees, not to each other LOL. And the employees laugh and bitch with us, they have to buy the same shit we are buying. It is well over $1000/mo and it is just 2 of us in the home.


ImpressionNo1509

Same here. But my husband does all the cooking so I don’t go to the grocery store. However, I do all the household and kids stuff. So dog food, light bulbs, kids stuff, cleaning, etc., comes from my side.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SeasonPositive6771

Exactly. They're just looking for a "good excuse" to be angry and controlling.


knittedjedi

Dudes are complaining because they know damn well that if the6 had to do the weekly grocery shop, they wouldn't do as good a job as their wives do.


Ck_shock

This isn't always true I use to buy my food weekly. I'd plan out my meals and bought accordingly a few bigger items that would last the entire month and each weak I'd top off things like greens and a few other no long lasting items. My grocery bill at its lowest was like maybe like 100$ a month high end. Some people wemon and men included don't know how to shop or plan meals or understand cost cutting means having to eat junk one may not like


psmythhammond

This has nothing to do with gender, so drop that nonsense. I do most of the grocery shopping and my wife questions it just as much.


NoeTellusom

Obligatory "nOt aLL mEn" just for you.


psmythhammond

The down votes and sarcastic text are classic (ridiculous) Reddit. Whereas if the roles and commentary were reversed, there would be blood in the streets. My apologies for speaking.


greatinven2161

I am a man and i do grocery shopping 99% of the time. We both know how expensive groceries are especially more so now with inflation the ay it is


UsuallyWrite2

I guess you just have a sit down when things simmer down and tell him that you thought the two of you agreed to shop for yourselves. So that’s what you did. If he wants you to shop for you both then he’s going to have to eat what you prepare. I have a chronic illness and have to be on kind of an anti inflammatory diet. I do all the grocery shop and cooking. If my partner wants something else, he can get it. 🤷‍♀️


techramblings

If you can afford to eat healthily, then do so. More power to you. In answer to literally all of his questions, *"because I want to and it makes me feel better"* is a perfectly sensible answer. You're not a small child; he is not there to tell you what you can and can't eat, *especially* not when it's your money that's paying for it. Stop apologising to him and stand up for yourself - you have done *nothing* wrong here.


Underworld_Denizen

Where does he get off bitching about expenses when YOU MAKE MORE MONEY THAN HE DOES? And besides, they're fucking GROCERIES. It's not like you're buying something frivolous! You need to eat special stuff for your health. Stop letting him walk all over you and tell him to quit his fucking bitching and grow the fuck up.


AmphibianOrdinary500

Next time he wants some coochie remind him of the food costs


West-Resident126

🤣


Kir-ius

What kind of foods are you each getting? What's the problem w him eating cleaner foods too? Eating clean doesnt mean it has no taste or is awful... lots of good clean food out there


Possum_pal

Groceries near mean went from an average of $25 a bag to more like $40-$60 a bag and nothing had any crazy changes. I had to adjust my diet to berries and fresh veggies for a period of time because that's all I could stomach. No clue how expensive it had gottenk until I went to 4he store with my husband. Grocery bill is no joke!! Also your man sounds pretty self absorbed. Sorry


Logical-Wasabi7402

Offer to let him join you on a grocery trip. But make sure you narrate every single price to him. "Oh man these look so good but they're $6 per pound" and "Oh look this (lower quality toilet paper) is on sale this week, now I can buy (other thing)" and "Honey what do you think about this? We could have (thing) all week because it's (price)".


AdZealousideal1641

This behavior Lacks emotional intelligence and empathy My partner is chronically I’ll, he also can only have very specific foods which are quite expensive. On my own, my groceries are $80/week. Together with his requirements (and him being a larger, highly active guy who needs more food) our food bill is $300/wk I pay half because we are a partnership, I love him and want him to be well and have a healthy and happy life with his system being nourished the way it needs to be. I do this because we aren’t on our journey alone and I would expect the same in return (when I buy tampons or the contraceptive pill in the weekly shop he doesn’t make me pay for that on my own. It simply goes into the total and we split it) Chronic illness is difficult, your partner is either ready to be on the journey with you, or they aren’t yet ready to be. Have the honest conversation with him, don’t apologize for your situation and determine if this is the support level you need moving forward x This guy doesn’t sound like he actually understands you and what you are going through. If he has such a problem, separate your shopping and your food prep and let him look after himself


RageAgainstYoda

Groceries are not your problem here. The fact that you're afraid to speak to your spouse is.


Whole-Swimming6011

She is no afraid. She doesnt want to speak with him. Look at the end of the post.


relationship-1

Husband gets annoyed with me when I buy groceries because it's expensive. He thinks I spend too much money on groceries and that I should be more frugal.


Whole-Swimming6011

It's very funny how people seems to not read carefully. [It](https://1.It)'s absolutely normal, when there are few samples of one kind but at very different price, a person to asks. If one thing is $X, ther other is $5X and you take the second, it's normal to ask "Why do you take this?"". And the fact, that she goes mad about elementary questions... ​ > I got defensive. She apologized after that. And i suppose she told him to STFU and something in the context. She just didn't wrote it. ​ >I want him to have freedom to speak but it’s his voice the tone and loudness. **I just hate communicating with him.** And I’ve tried to tell him. He triggers me a lot. And how is he in a fault? He has a dramatic b\*tch for a wife, who doesn't wanna talk to him, but he is the bad guy here?


AnonymousBlobfish

I agree that that "defensive" is pretty vague, need more info on that. But you seem to ignore the part about husband's tone. It can totally change the intent behind sentence. Also, given the words alone he already seems unpleasant as hell ("so all this is yours huh", why be territorial about food she bought herself? ) so I would not really blame OP for hating communication with him.


Whole-Swimming6011

If she is rude, he may be rude to her. She said thar he asked her why and what. Usually defensive means rude. Yesterday i talked almost wispering and my kid asked me why im yelling.. Just bc i told her to go and clean her room. Sometimes is not the tone but just bc you asked. Today i napped in the afternoon and when i woke up, my SO was so annoying and i snapped a few times. And when i woke up but really, i realised that he just asked me normal stuff. This woman is rude. She hides important parts to make herself look good.


[deleted]

He's gaslighting you. Maybe consider seeing a couple's therapist though.


Ck_shock

I'd be like well do your own damn shopping and I'll do mine


Gabby_Anna

I would just do groceries entirely separately from now on if it’s going to be causing arguments.


Inside-Suggestion-51

Easy solution: from now on he buys all he needs himself. Make sure he doesn't get to eat your stuff.


-just_a_ghost

Yep, I ask my partner to send me half for the groceries because I'm the one that does the majority of the food shopping. He's always shocked at how much I spend on groceries, but I aim to get 2 weeks worth of stuff for the two of us. "But I could do a grocery shop for under $100" he says only buying the bare basics that barely cover a weeks worth of meals AND that's only really dinners not lunches. "I don't ask you to send half when I do it" which is once in a blue moon.


WhydIJoinRedditAgain

I started to write a post about the economies of buying food versus buying meals out and how no matter what you’re saving money, but then I realized that isn’t going to fix the fact that he’s a jerk.


Agitated_Mulberry345

That's a red flag, if any.My dad does the EXACT same thing to my mom, (my mom is the only income earner). He criticizes everything she does, and my mom always apologizes for it. Grocery shopping is just one of the many things he criticizes, but in the exact same way you described. (My mom also suffers from chronic illness and needs special attention to the food she eats and diet she has, my dad gets angry at her for buying things that help her diet in the exact same way you described your husband does with you.) IMO, if you gain your own money and go grocery shopping with the money YOU made, he has NO right to criticize it. Context from my lived experience ((from observing my parents have a similar dynamic as you described with the grocery issue)): My dad is emotionally abusive to my mom in every single way and has always been that way, it ruined my childhood having to see my dad treat my mom that way. If that sounds anything like your relationship and you don't have kids yet: try and go to couple's therapy or try to talk to your husband, if he doesn't listen/doesn't admit anything is wrong/doesn't want to go to couples therapy/or you can't have a proper conversation with him about these things (otherwise he gets mad or very very sad and plays the victim) or if he gaslights you--- if any of this is familiar to you---- BIG RED FLAG, run...


psmythhammond

This dude needs to get off his high horse and accept that either A.) He can start eating a healtier diet with you, or B.) He can accept that you're going to have 2 different sets of food in the house. Regardless, eating is a large expense, especially if you aren't putting crap in your body. You gotta set some boundries with him, he sounds like an ass.


A8EJA

Stop bending to his whim, just because you have a title binded by a legal document, doesn't mean you have to understand the extent of what it means to be unified under 1 roof, but at least have a basis for communication and a safe place you can have for discourse. As this point it just sounds like another complacent marriage thats filled with bitterness and the overarching horror of "dying alone" all because you're now in "too deep." At the end of the day, only you breathe, only you walk, only you feel your pain, only you see your life the way you do, so take control, express your wants and needs as a human on this earth. You deserve the life you desire, don't settle for his wishy-washy needs when he can't even get him to share his outlook and communicate what's actually upsetting him. Sad thing is men get like this when they're almost done with the person, or when they wanna cruise through life "married" only to have the most disconnected partner ever.


labgrownfriend

Unless y’all are in the red every month due to groceries, I don’t think he gets an opinion.


Queasy-Extension-680

Ýou need to separate your finances further, 50/50 on all bills and groceries separate, what ever he has left, just like you can be spent on what you want and what he wants, it can also be saved as an option. It may give him the voice he needs about finances. I understand that you have your own needs, and he feels like your needs take over. Maybe the change has affected him more than you give him credit for. You could encourage him to join you for a period of time for msjn meals and then he chooses his own drinks and snacks (I speak from experience when it comes from 2 diets in 1 household due to chronic illness) Bare in mind, you both used to eat the same, so both had dinner at the same time, it's something that connected you both physiologically.


Salami-Sandwich0

Between you and him, who brings in the most revenue? The amount of time working doesn’t matter. Tell me who makes more money


Jay_Apples

We eat paleo organic in my household which can get super pricey but I find trader joe's has a really good selection. Also don't feel bad he should support you. I didn't actually start this diet/lifestyle my partner did and I just got onboard and supported them. If I need a little junk food I do that on my own and do not bring it into the house. We both put our money into groceries I do a lot of the shopping but my partner does a lot of bulk buys like meats, protein powder, supplements, coconut oil which can be pretty pricey. Sometimes you just have to find a way to split costs that works for you. He does need to be more supportive of you. This lifestyle choice is for health reasons (as was my partners). I hopped on board bc my partner is more important then saving and pinching every penny. My partner holds no monetary value as they are priceless. Please advocate for yourself you have to live your life to it's full poetential.