T O P

I had the realization today in couples counseling that I’m no longer in love with my SA/PA.

I had the realization today in couples counseling that I’m no longer in love with my SA/PA.

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-TheHeartless-

I had the same freeing feeling when I finally admitted it to myself. He didn’t take it so well but idk what they expect…


FrizzedNotFrazzled

I’m not sure if it has fully sunk in with mine yet. We are still living together and couples counseling is kind of my last ditch effort to see if it is even repairable- at this point it’s hard to know if it is.


Lkkrdragonfly

Yes me too. Was never in love again after Dday. By the fine we divorced all my love was totally gone along with any attraction. He killed my sky high libido too. Thank god it all came back with a new person.


FrizzedNotFrazzled

I hope I can get there again one day. I feel like he’s taken so much from me already; self confidence, self worth, self love, sex drive... It is hard for me to believe that this is something we can move on with.


[deleted]

[удалено]


FrizzedNotFrazzled

I feel like this. I’m not sure if I will ever get any of those feelings, or that passion back that I once felt from him. I already feel like there’s just too much in the way.


wishyouwouldstop

I wish you the best. That had to be as difficult as it was freeing. I hope I can get there too! I hope that the path forward from here on out is enriching and positive for you.


FrizzedNotFrazzled

It was so difficult, but after I admitted it I didn’t even feel sad so I knew I was finally speaking from my rational mind.


miphasgraceful

This is exactly where I am at now, too. And it’s been so heartbreaking but also freeing in a way.


FrizzedNotFrazzled

It is! I’m in that exact same boat. I’m not sure how much of it has truly registered with my SA/PA, I was point blank and said I don’t know if I can be in love with him again, maybe, but so much damage has already been done. It’s hard to even fathom what a “in love” relationship would look like with this elephant always in the room.


monkeywithanantenna3

What’s crazy is after d-day, HE fell out of love with me.


FrizzedNotFrazzled

I feel like to some extent, whether they want to admit it or not (and how much it hurts to admit it to ourselves), they already had fallen out of love with us- their actions show that.


Apprehensive_Face799

I think that is a coping mechanism by him. He knows he is in deep. Probably has little confidence he can beat it after he got caught and this is just another form of gas lighting you to share the blame of his issue. I'm sorry. These guys suck at life and do their damndest to pull us into it.


FrizzedNotFrazzled

This! They’re still so stuck in their ‘addict’ brain, trying to talk themselves out of it- thinking they’re going to save face somehow. It is such a slippery slope once you start going down it with them.


Apprehensive_Face799

Exactly. Early on my PA was trying to use my weed smoking as the other catalyst for our sex life failures. Trying so hard to have me share the blame for ending up here. Luckily, I didn't wait on therapy and dealt with it and correctly early. He won't and hasn't even tried to make that comparison again especially since my weed has been my anti anxiety meds created by the gas lighting, self esteem lose, depression, rejection, blah, blah, blah. I've been telling him for years he is emotionally abusing me and for years zero acknowledgment. I hate no idea the addiction to porn was driving his behavior. Deflection was his favorite hobby till he started seeing his family walking out the door after dday.


FrizzedNotFrazzled

I feel like I am reading something I wrote myself in your comment, seriously! This is all so spot on to my situation as well, all of it. It’s so wild to me that we’re all from different walks of life, and yet all of our stories can be eerily similar. It’s a sad but true situation.


Apprehensive_Face799

I'm finding out how common this is among so many of us. They just mentally train us to sit and spin in our heads for years wanting to fix it but not knowing what to fix and why it's so broke. They show glimpses of being human and that just pulls us back alittle longer bc somewhere our husbands' are in there and we see it in moments. Weed turns my brain off from the constant spinning of anxiety this has caused me. His recovery efforts have helped me be able to focus on my needs and getting myself back. I'm grateful for that. It's still just a long, painful journey if I really think about it. That makes it just feel overwhelming and impossible.


FrizzedNotFrazzled

It’s hard to know, through all of this whether it’s worth it at the end of the day. I know time will tell, but sometimes wondering if you can ever get past the damage that has been done makes it feel impossible that it is worth it to stay and work through it. I smoke for that “turn off” effect as well, I know if I didn’t I would never think about anything else.


Apprehensive_Face799

Exactly