That is awful! it's a complete violation of trust. She is a guest in your house when she visits. She should act like it. I suppose make it clear she cannot come round to visit if she is going to take your stuff without asking?


I wish it was that easy, I lived with my parents who I love dearly and they are so supportive but sometimes I would love them to see things from my perspective. They agreed the bathroom stuff was not ok but I should of shared my snacks. I responded that I would have if A had asked me first or given me a chance to offer them out. I love living at home, parents are great but they don’t always understand me.


Careful! Don't get yourself gaslighted into thinking your reaction isn't normal. It's easy because we are often lacking the reference for what is acceptable in a social setting and what is not and - yes - people abuse that. Taking another person's belongings, using or consuming the stuff they bought for themselves is almost universally regarded as unacceptable - even if the person is your own sister. Disrespecting a family member's boundaries is bad. It's even worse considering you are autistic and this breach of boundaries causes you more hardship.


Use of the word “boundaries” is perfectly poignant here; well said!


The most annoying thing is that they (my parents and my sister) don’t seem to understand that whole asking before taking or using is one of my boundaries. I’m going to try and have a proper talk with them about what boundaries are, re-explain what mine are and why boundaries in general should be understood and respected.


I had issues with this with my younger sibling. It went so far as they would go into my car and take things from there. I would look into getting an independent living space if possible. If that isn't possible. Invest in a lock for your room and when they visit. Move everything into your room.


I was going to write the same thing pretty much, I only see these two options.


Thankfully my car isn’t an issue. I would love to get a lock but I can’t currently as we’re tossing up whether we do renovations to our house or possibly sell it and move to a different house in the area if renovations cost more than selling.


I have a different perspective. Is it highly annoying, oh yes! Should you talk to her about it and explain how it makes you feel, absolutely. The question is how does she treat you in general. If you'd say she is mostly a nice sister I'd take it as siblings being siblings and annoy you but you just let it go. Your relationship with her will change with age most likely. If this behavior is part of a bigger problem maybe you could talk about it with your parents and after that talk to your sister together to try to make her understand. I have learnt over the years that NT's never see the problems we have with some of their behavior, so maybe if she learns why it upsets you she'll change that. And if all of that fails tell her you know a scary old Dutch man who will come set her straight if she doesn't stop 😉 I hope you'll find a solution. Have a great day and hello from an old scary Gen-X man from the Netherlands (not that scary actually, but she doesn't know that 😋)


Scary on the outside but actually a total teddy bear? And yes she’s normally really nice and we’ve been best friends since I was born. So it is indeed siblings being siblings, I’ve spoken to my parents and we’re going to sit down and talk about boundaries later today. She’s an amazing sister but like all siblings she can be annoying sometimes.


I guess that description fits 😅 I am glad to hear you are best friends, the older you'll get the more you'll learn how important that is. When you talk to her try to really make her understand how it makes you feel. I know for that is something I am not very good at but it is important. For her it is probably just a very small thing. And when you are done talking, give her a hug if you are comfortable with that, so she knows you love her but her actions have a much bigger impact on you than she ever realized. I hope everything works out.


Definitely huggers in my family. I have noticed the change in relationship (still besties) since she’s moved out and got a boyfriend but that’s normal, she’s living her life. I’m going to talk to her properly next time I see her.


I think there are several things to bear in mind here. Firstly, I think it really is common for siblings to do this kind of stuff, autistic or otherwise. Another issue is that close family members and family friends often really do share things. Sometimes that extends subconsciously to taking or using other people's things, because there's a feeling that what's one person's is everyones.' On a similar note, I've noticed that while I'm normally not a thief, I seem to get kleptomanic tendencies - not in the sense of wanting to steal stuff, but in wanting to borrow stuff or use toothpaste or whatever - whenever I'm with family members, have guests around, or am staying in someone's house. I think it can feel a bit like someone putting a fancy handbag on display, just out of reach, and sometimes the temptation becomes too great. In both of these cases, the person "stealing" often wishes for your stuff to be shared with them, and putting up a boundary around this issue will get on their nerves. Furthermore, if they are willing to share with you, feel you have something unique they don't have access to, or suspect you'd do something similar back, they might take your refusal to share as selfish. The tricky balance here is that not everyone who operates under these circumstances is doing the same thing. In the same way that some autistic people (usually boys but sometimes girls) can be either legitimately clueless or a bit creepy, there will be some cases where your sister, relative or friend will genuinely think something is being shared and get offended, and other cases where she'd like something of yours to be shared but basically stole it and is trying to allieviate her guilt by blaming other people. One issue that relates to autism is that sometimes we have a tendency not to notice when something - e.g. a glass of water by a place at a table - belongs to other people, because it isn't always crystal clear and is supposed to be implied. I imagine this also sometimes happens in reverse with autistic people who leave things lying around in places where neurotypical or allistic people can see them. However, there are also some cases of this which are far more serious, and they both also relate to autism. Another is that some (but not all) autistic people are a bit more self-interested than other people. If your sister is not autistic, but a neurotypical people who's used to being in a group, she might assume that sharing certain items is the default position, whereas someone who's autistic or very much their own person might have a default of not really sharing anything at all and be rather possessive of their own things. Even though I tend to be the one stealing, I've also often noticed that I make the mistake of, say, doing something or opening or eating food in front of people which I don't intend to share, and I get told off and told to share it, because I'm unaware of the social context. Another issue, which is a violation of trust and not an acceptable thing to expect from a sibling or relative - but still sadly common amongst them - is that some people view anyone disabled or younger than them as less capable. This can lead them to see themselves as authority figures and will feel entitled to the space, objects or behaviours of other people. I've sometimes had parents barge into my room, for instance, and likewise, my immediate family has often been screwed over by relatives or family friends who've made selfish arrangements. And I've had times where someone I'm working with will have a double standard when it comes to admitting to bad behaviour, being strict with me but lenient or a braggart with themselves. I've also noticed cases where people assume they have to be role models to certain people and thus change their behaviour around them. It's possible that some neurotypical people won't take the wishes of an autistic person seriously for this reason.