T O P

Truths

Truths

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m0ther_0F_myriads

That was very brave of you to acknowledge. Good work, OP.


[deleted]

Look into imposter syndrome. Also, I don't think you're a narcissist. For one, most-all narcissist would deny it and if you truly were, you wouldn't care that you were or who you hurt. If you were narcissistic, you would be hurting people, purposefully, to manipulate and abuse them for your own benefit and would only care about how it affects you. My advice is to do some shadow work; accepting those "less desirable" parts of yourself. You aren't going to be open to love or be completely happy until you can align with the truest version of yourself. Get to know and love yourself. This means not caring what other people think too... If you allow others' opinions of you to affect your choices in life, you're not living in alignment or authentically. There's an old saying about pleasing people that I'm sure you're familiar with. Lastly, yes, love can hurt but it can also heal. It's a risk worth taking. Connect with people who show you the healing aspects of love 💕


thepalacegates

Thank you. I needed this. Maybe I'm not a full narcissist, but I do have some tendencies to act like one sometimes. I just want to be better for everyone around me.


OkConsideration5872

First I will say how awesome and brave you are for posting this. My ex is and has about the same problems as you. I tried and tried to get her to do as you have done. I would say you are right. I don't think you are a full narcissist either. Just as I don't think my ex is. She just wants to be better also. There are lots of excellent posts under your post with lots of good advise. I know that I truely loved my ex. I did all I could do for her. But when she got into a mood there was nothing that I could ever say or do. I agree with you can be and get better. Find a good enviroment with no conflict somewhere to be happy. Your struggles are real as were hers. I wish you lots of luck, I believe you can do this because you understand what you are. Thank you for your post OP and be strong and have hope.


VespertineJack

I also wanted to mirror this sentiment. The first characteristic of a narcissistic personality is abject denial, and toward that end, invariably adopting the perspective that everyone - not they - with whom they interact is inherently narcissistic. They may accept that of themselves or go on to deny culpability, sure, but they must always project their faults outwardly so as to ensure their continued existence on a "*level playing field*" with the world, as it were. You mean to say that you're an "apparent narcissist," but even accept that possibility with the intent to effect change, which means you're questioning that accusation and dignifying it reasonably with respect to your person's needs — you're not flat-out denying it. Your introspection here doesn't reflect a narcissistic personality from what I can *see* (I certainly don't believe that myself), but what I know of this situation is limited. That's not to say narcissists aren't capable of introspection, but only insomuch as to preserve their egos; their personal conclusions are usually self-serving, ending with the internalization of whatever irrational hoops and trespasses they can conjure to see themselves as inherently justified. They later go on to spread this in surrept, usually in an effort to validate themselves and in turn gaslight whomever made them feel that way in the first place. When their subterfuges are revealed, they don't reflect or seek help, they double down – they retreat into their delusions further, ultimately beginning to - at that point - exhibit schizotypal behaviors. I always stress that it is so important to be careful with labels like this, *especially* this one. People are so paranoid about the parasocial narc boogeyman, they fecklessly adopt the term as a catchall for normal, harmless *self-benefiting* and *self-preserving* behaviors, neither of which are inherently narcissistic nor even unhealthy traits. It's worse when people scuff with someone's personal boundaries, promptly censuring one's healthy social gates & turning [one's boundaries] against them with accusations like this. There are so many complexities entailing that diagnosis. There are probably more people questioning themselves than there are actual narcissists at large. I think people who have suffered trauma, who react to situations in accord with the painful experiences that make them understandably guarded, are impacted the hardest by that misplaced classification. Trauma can result in narcissistic tendencies, but again, the actual incidence of this is very rare. In most instances, it's a buzzword invoked under circumstances where one person feels hurt by what *they* perceive as aberrant behavior, or put off/let down by another's emotional shortcomings (very typical of bubbly extroverts in relationships with introverts, who don't share that social stamina, and need more time for themselves, which is perfectly healthy). I always feel guilty about offering unsolicited advice... but To cut this short, empathy is key — you desire a relationship with your person, and you're willing to reconcile your differences by adapting. You want to change, which is good, *with caveats; reflection is good, self-improvement and growth toward compassionate understanding & conscientiousness is worthwhile for anyone. Determine if you've behaved in any way that's hurt them, whether intended or not - if so, why was that even an option? If not, forgive yourself, and... try to be sympathetic toward them for their sensitivities. Learn their needs — but also master yours. Whatever you do, safeguard yourself as well: know and respect your own boundaries. And whatever you do, try to avoid the pitfall of assuming narcissistic tendencies on their end, as that is generally what fallen narcissists do. I can't stress enough, I don't think either of you are narcissists; you're just unique individuals with perspectives and personalities that don't quite follow a single wavelength. A work in progress, as it were.


so_lostlost

Thank you for this ❤️


noseringirl

I second this. Confront the ugly parts of yourself, try to find out why they are there. Defense mechanism, learned behavior, genetic personality disorder, etc. If you figure out who you truly are, you can live an authentic life. Times a wastin.


[deleted]

Whatever is going on in your life, I hope you can fix it. If not, I hope you find people willing to accept you for you


OV1C

Hey OP, yeah therapy can't do all the work. You need to also be surrounded by loving people who treat you well and can teach you to treat others well by teaching via example. It takes a village to raise a kid. And that kid includes adults who never found that village. Here's hoping you find yours. Lots of hugs from someone who once thought similarly but it is possible to not hurt those you love, and if you do by accident - you can apologise and try to make up but always make sure you don't repeat it. Learn from it. As much as possible. Hugs.


allofthisisbullshit

If you were my person... and I wish you were... here's what I want to tell you: You pursued me, and then pushed me away when I returned the affection. I am glad you hate yourself. There's nothing you can do to salvage what you broke. I do hope you can move forward without dragging anybody else's heart through the mud. Sincerely, Another one of your hapless victims


thepalacegates

I'm not your person, but I'm sorry that someone like me hurt you. My person and I are connected in a way that is unbreakable by any means, I've been told. All I can do is keep working to better myself, and one day, we will be reunited.


bealongtime

Maybe you should find an opportunity to speak privately with your person, face to face, so that any apology might have some genuine and heartfelt emotion behind it. How are you "unbreakable connected"?


thepalacegates

I can't truly explain it. I just feel drawn to them somehow. I always have. Since the first moment I saw them. Somehow even years later these feelings keep coming back and I can't deny that there is some kind of connection there.


bealongtime

If there is such a deep connection, writing your feelings here seems shallow.


allofthisisbullshit

"unbreakable" is bullshit


Fascist_Pantaloons

Not necessary.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ok-Efficiency5892

I wish my person would hold themselves this accountable. I wish this was something I could hear. Thank you either way.


Character_Lock9137

Is it weird to admit I was already aware of them? I do find this letter insightful though.


Independent_North236

Not just therapy but deep therapy to uncover the roots that lead to the destructive behavior patterns you now have. It will take a while, be very painful at times but it is possible.


Independent_North236

Found you..


Inspector_Krotch

You have described my ex to a T. In fact for a moment I thought it may have been you, but I don't believe so. But I also feel as though you have more truths to bring forth to yourself and to your ex. And I would tell your ex these truths you've come to realize in some way or another that they are certain to know how you have stood up and accepted them as truths. A text message, a phone call, an email or hand written. I have a feeling they would appreciate that to some degree at least, and it would probably make you feel better as well. I know if I were the ex in this case, I would feel somewhat better that you see faults in yourself and didn't truly mean to hurt them. How else could they forgive you and help you get better?


nope_not_today_ypos

Just tell them