I’m a mom. Laying here with my youngest baby asleep on my chest. Somehow, I went from researching a true crime case in Reddit to here, on your post. I just wanted to stop and say, as a mom, that there is absolutely no way to end your life without devastating your mother. I want to be clear, that children do not owe anything to their parents, even life. But, she and her life will never be the same should you decide to exit. I’m not normally one to try to talk someone out of leaving the world, but you are so young and hormones are a hell of a drug, so I KNOW what you are feeling is temporary and you can get out onto the other side of this. What you are considering is a permanent solution to what may very well be a temporary problem. And you are so young, your brain not even finished developing not to mention drugs are affecting your ability to make decisions. Please, from an internet stranger, do not do this. I want to be your friend. I want to help you. Talk to me.
Hey. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for caring.
I’m trying. Trying everyday. It’s hard. I am scared I can never get my old life back. How it used to be before this was done to me. Right now I’m actually a bit better mentally then I was yesterday. I have a clearer mind and have more hope for a better future. I’m gonna make this day. I don’t know how tomorrow is gonna look like, but I’m gonna try to live in the her and now right now. I love my mom so much. I wouldn’t want her to suffer, but it gets hard. I feel very bad very often. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna feel worse again and will post here again. Who knows, maybe even today, maybe tomorrow, but right now I’m happy to be alive.
Thank you so much for caring. I wish you the best and hope you and your kids have an amazing day
Remember this whenever you have a bad moment. Remember that it gets better. Your body actually still supports and loves you - that’s why your state of mind gets clearer. Better days are ahead of you. You will get through this and be so proud of yourself, I promise. You need to trust that.
But why will I be proud? I did such a stupid thing. I don’t know how I could ever truly get better again. I lose so much of my adolescence to get better.
I like sleeping. Ending it all would probably be like sleeping but just forever
Because you will have gone through this like a warrior and an example to the thousands of others who feel like you, and you will have conquered a hard moment and feel strong, brave and unstoppable for it. Your 20-year-old self, your 25-year-old self, your 40-year-old self, all your future selves will be proud of your current 17-year-old self for getting through this and CHOOSING life for all your future selves. For giving them a chance. For giving you a chance. Your mom will also thank you. Your family matters too and they need you here. Her life matters too. Believe me when I say this. You’re only 17 and it’s a tough period in life. But it will get better.
Also, you like sleeping ONLY because you wake up and feel good after letting yourself rest. That’s why sleeping exists. You didn’t do a stupid thing. Even if you made a mistake you need to forgive yourself. And you will be young for a long time. I’m 29 and I still feel just as young now.
Hey. Wow thanks for remembering me. You are so kind ❤️🫂. Sadly I’m not really good atm. But all in all I did make progress since the last time we wrote. I hope you are doing good! Best wishes 🍀❤️
I don't know if this will help. Maybe I shouldn't post it. I'm not going to talk about God or your mom. Instead, I'm going to quote the French artist Philippe Druillet.
"To escape from ones condition is to survive through one's work."
"Like everyone else, I have had a life of suffering and of beauty."
I have not been part of the trans community, but what I believe I have seen, from the outside looking in, is that if something bad happens, or if a person regrets their decision they are pushed out, shunned and silenced.
One of the most awful truths of life is that it must be lived forwards but can only be understood backwards. And there are people right now who could use your truth. Your experience. Your voice. It may not change their minds or decisions one bit, but it may give some people a perspective that is sorely missing.
Maybe doing this will merely change your suffering. You would be attacked and reviled and silenced for speaking your truth. But if you are so close to the end, what could they do to actually hurt you? And maybe, in speaking your truth, sharing your experience and examining and reexamining yourself, maybe you'll find yourself again. Not who you were perhaps, but who you are, and who you can still become.
Hey, I just want you to know that you are not alone.
There are times when the world seems to be that you simply want to remove yourself from the scenario that you are in.
It can feel like a horrid nightmare,
like you are clawing at the walls of what is inescapable. As a neurodivergent young adult whose had less than perfect relations with my family, Ive felt that. There was a time in my life where I felt that there was no way out, that I had lost the way of living in which there was so much joy, now before mean endless hellscape in which I felt trapped by the guilt of everything I did. I felt disoriented and alone, as though and that I was scrambling for brief moments of clarity and joy amidst emotional ruin.
That was over a year ago. Today, I got help, from my mom, from my doctor(neurologist), and I am happier than ever, a darkened past behind me. That can be you too.
I’m here to tell you that there’s a way out. You don’t have to feel this way. Its natural to—as humans we’re often very self critical. It’s okay to be frustrated, to think, to feel- that means that you’re going to be okay.
One major thing that makes it easier to be able to go forwards each day for all people, including you and me, is that it is not our past actions which we should let define us. We are a flawed group, but it is how we are strong- how we can take the events that have been thrown, compounded, or otherwise placed on us and live the lives we want to live- that is what defines us as human beings.
In essence, that is the beauty of the human experience- that we can, from our bitter ends, make light.
You have a whole future ahead of you that will be, that is, yours for the making. You are amazing for seeking help, for being able to work through your thoughts- it takes a lot of strength and talent to do either of those things. I am proud of you for doing both. Im proud that you stayed to live another day, that you have hope for your new future here , a beautiful, unique individual soul, one of a kind on this beautiful earth- you should be proud of yourself for that too. You can do it. You can persevere- and make of your life what you want of it.
There are plenty of resources that you can reach out to, both professional and those around you, who love and support you- for you, they want what is best, so that you may live your most fulfilling life.
Your mother adores and wants what is best for you; she will love you no matter what. In this through your perseverance and choosing to fight to live another day, both you and her will heal in the way that you want- in a way that is whole, with the new life you desired- one that is best, because it has you in it.
People care about you. People love you. They want you here. We want you here. I want you here. You should love yourself. Never forget that.
There’s so much experience and growth in life you have yet to uncover.
Be a success story, and you will look back and see how far you came; every second of the new life you will forge for yourself will be rich with meaning, as you will be aware of how much the life you lead- Your life- Is worth, and how very much You are worth- to yourself, and to those around you.
Forgive me if I sound ignorant, but:
-can’t you start taking estrogen?
-your voice probably isn’t as bad as you think, and women have a wide variety of ranges in their voice. It probably isn’t bad at all. Everyone finds their own voice weirder than it is
-can you maybe take steps into developing your feminine identity? maybe get into things that you enjoy and make you feel feminine? There are girls who didn’t transition who still take some time to figure this stuff out and develop their femininity, which is so normal. You can do it too. It may sound superficial and cliche, but maybe clothes and make-up could be avenues to experiment with for that mental shift into feeling feminine. Again, not that you need those things, but certain things can help mentally
-there are girls that didn’t transition that have small breasts and I’ve seen several with flat chests. Not to downplay your feelings at all, but your life still matters with a flat chest. And a person can still be very feminine with a flat chest. Also, forgive me again if I’m sounding ignorant, but wouldn’t HRT or estrogen increase breast size? Or have you talked to a professional about your options here?
-facial hair can easily be removed permanently
-you still have a body that functions, is healthy, supports you, and can change. None of us adults have the same bodies we had at 17. in fact all the cells regenerate every 7 years. You also still have a soul inside the body, and i would argue that it’s worth a million times more. All of our bodies fade througout our lives but our souls remain. That being said you can still find ways to be comfortable in your skin. Everyone has insecurities at 17
-since you stopped taking testosterone and are only 17, won’t your hormones reset and move in the direction of your biological gender if you give it some time?
-you’re still a biological girl. Maybe repeat that as a mantra or something every morning and night. You still identify with the girl you were born as. Look at that as a positive thing for yourself.
I’m not saying don’t feel what you feel or grieve. Process your emotions and honor them. But also look forward. And trust that feelings can change. Just my two cents to help you stress less about this
Is it lost? The way I see it, it’s been returned. Sure, when we get back the things we’ve lost, they might not always be as we remember them. Sometimes their road back to us was as turbulent as our road back to them.
Based on what you’ve described, it sounds like you don’t feel your outward expression matches what’s inside. That’s understandable. But there are so many avenues to pursue, if you desire to present femininity. Clothing, skincare, makeup, hair, exercise. A world of possibilities.
You know better than most the risks of making life-altering decisions. Can you truly say that in three years, you won’t look back and be immensely grateful you didn’t take your life? Suicide is a life-altering decision that you cannot take back. I would merely advise caution.
Take some time. Pursue your feminity and see what is possible. Please don’t rush into anything you can’t take back. If there is even a chance that you can look in a mirror and be pleased with what you see - don’t you owe it to yourself to try?
> I don’t wanna live like this.
And you don't have to, you were on T for 2 years, its going to take a while for your hormones to get back to normal.
>she won’t see me suffering anymore and she can then try to start over without me making her life so hard.
If you do it she will never forgive herself, she will blame herself and think she failed you as a mom, i think you should see u/rachelah01 post's history so you have an ideia of how your mom will suffer if you do this.
Op, for your own sake and for you mom's sake hold on, i know you can do this.
I’m a mom. Laying here with my youngest baby asleep on my chest. Somehow, I went from researching a true crime case in Reddit to here, on your post. I just wanted to stop and say, as a mom, that there is absolutely no way to end your life without devastating your mother. I want to be clear, that children do not owe anything to their parents, even life. But, she and her life will never be the same should you decide to exit. I’m not normally one to try to talk someone out of leaving the world, but you are so young and hormones are a hell of a drug, so I KNOW what you are feeling is temporary and you can get out onto the other side of this. What you are considering is a permanent solution to what may very well be a temporary problem. And you are so young, your brain not even finished developing not to mention drugs are affecting your ability to make decisions. Please, from an internet stranger, do not do this. I want to be your friend. I want to help you. Talk to me.
Hey. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for caring. I’m trying. Trying everyday. It’s hard. I am scared I can never get my old life back. How it used to be before this was done to me. Right now I’m actually a bit better mentally then I was yesterday. I have a clearer mind and have more hope for a better future. I’m gonna make this day. I don’t know how tomorrow is gonna look like, but I’m gonna try to live in the her and now right now. I love my mom so much. I wouldn’t want her to suffer, but it gets hard. I feel very bad very often. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna feel worse again and will post here again. Who knows, maybe even today, maybe tomorrow, but right now I’m happy to be alive. Thank you so much for caring. I wish you the best and hope you and your kids have an amazing day
Remember this whenever you have a bad moment. Remember that it gets better. Your body actually still supports and loves you - that’s why your state of mind gets clearer. Better days are ahead of you. You will get through this and be so proud of yourself, I promise. You need to trust that.
But why will I be proud? I did such a stupid thing. I don’t know how I could ever truly get better again. I lose so much of my adolescence to get better. I like sleeping. Ending it all would probably be like sleeping but just forever
Because you will have gone through this like a warrior and an example to the thousands of others who feel like you, and you will have conquered a hard moment and feel strong, brave and unstoppable for it. Your 20-year-old self, your 25-year-old self, your 40-year-old self, all your future selves will be proud of your current 17-year-old self for getting through this and CHOOSING life for all your future selves. For giving them a chance. For giving you a chance. Your mom will also thank you. Your family matters too and they need you here. Her life matters too. Believe me when I say this. You’re only 17 and it’s a tough period in life. But it will get better. Also, you like sleeping ONLY because you wake up and feel good after letting yourself rest. That’s why sleeping exists. You didn’t do a stupid thing. Even if you made a mistake you need to forgive yourself. And you will be young for a long time. I’m 29 and I still feel just as young now.
Hey thank you. All you are saying is very reasonable, but at times like this I cannot really process anything reasonable even if I try.
Don’t worry about that. There’s no rush to process it. If you just let it be it will come to you naturally. Even if it’s hard right now.
Hey there! Was just thinking about you. How are you doing? How are things going?
Hey. Wow thanks for remembering me. You are so kind ❤️🫂. Sadly I’m not really good atm. But all in all I did make progress since the last time we wrote. I hope you are doing good! Best wishes 🍀❤️
I don't know if this will help. Maybe I shouldn't post it. I'm not going to talk about God or your mom. Instead, I'm going to quote the French artist Philippe Druillet. "To escape from ones condition is to survive through one's work." "Like everyone else, I have had a life of suffering and of beauty." I have not been part of the trans community, but what I believe I have seen, from the outside looking in, is that if something bad happens, or if a person regrets their decision they are pushed out, shunned and silenced. One of the most awful truths of life is that it must be lived forwards but can only be understood backwards. And there are people right now who could use your truth. Your experience. Your voice. It may not change their minds or decisions one bit, but it may give some people a perspective that is sorely missing. Maybe doing this will merely change your suffering. You would be attacked and reviled and silenced for speaking your truth. But if you are so close to the end, what could they do to actually hurt you? And maybe, in speaking your truth, sharing your experience and examining and reexamining yourself, maybe you'll find yourself again. Not who you were perhaps, but who you are, and who you can still become.
Hey, I just want you to know that you are not alone. There are times when the world seems to be that you simply want to remove yourself from the scenario that you are in. It can feel like a horrid nightmare, like you are clawing at the walls of what is inescapable. As a neurodivergent young adult whose had less than perfect relations with my family, Ive felt that. There was a time in my life where I felt that there was no way out, that I had lost the way of living in which there was so much joy, now before mean endless hellscape in which I felt trapped by the guilt of everything I did. I felt disoriented and alone, as though and that I was scrambling for brief moments of clarity and joy amidst emotional ruin. That was over a year ago. Today, I got help, from my mom, from my doctor(neurologist), and I am happier than ever, a darkened past behind me. That can be you too. I’m here to tell you that there’s a way out. You don’t have to feel this way. Its natural to—as humans we’re often very self critical. It’s okay to be frustrated, to think, to feel- that means that you’re going to be okay. One major thing that makes it easier to be able to go forwards each day for all people, including you and me, is that it is not our past actions which we should let define us. We are a flawed group, but it is how we are strong- how we can take the events that have been thrown, compounded, or otherwise placed on us and live the lives we want to live- that is what defines us as human beings. In essence, that is the beauty of the human experience- that we can, from our bitter ends, make light. You have a whole future ahead of you that will be, that is, yours for the making. You are amazing for seeking help, for being able to work through your thoughts- it takes a lot of strength and talent to do either of those things. I am proud of you for doing both. Im proud that you stayed to live another day, that you have hope for your new future here , a beautiful, unique individual soul, one of a kind on this beautiful earth- you should be proud of yourself for that too. You can do it. You can persevere- and make of your life what you want of it. There are plenty of resources that you can reach out to, both professional and those around you, who love and support you- for you, they want what is best, so that you may live your most fulfilling life. Your mother adores and wants what is best for you; she will love you no matter what. In this through your perseverance and choosing to fight to live another day, both you and her will heal in the way that you want- in a way that is whole, with the new life you desired- one that is best, because it has you in it. People care about you. People love you. They want you here. We want you here. I want you here. You should love yourself. Never forget that. There’s so much experience and growth in life you have yet to uncover. Be a success story, and you will look back and see how far you came; every second of the new life you will forge for yourself will be rich with meaning, as you will be aware of how much the life you lead- Your life- Is worth, and how very much You are worth- to yourself, and to those around you.
Hey thank you slot for writing this
If it were possible, what would you want most in life? You say you destroyed your life. Why not try to rebuild?
I want most to be happy again. Do restart again as. 14year old without making this stupid decision to transition
What would make you happy?
To have my old body again
Why can’t you?
I took testosterone. My voice changed. I had top surgery. I have a flat chest due to it. I have a viable adams apple and some facial hair
Traditional Chinese Medicine can reset your hormones. It can also help you and your Mom with the stress youre going through
Forgive me if I sound ignorant, but: -can’t you start taking estrogen? -your voice probably isn’t as bad as you think, and women have a wide variety of ranges in their voice. It probably isn’t bad at all. Everyone finds their own voice weirder than it is -can you maybe take steps into developing your feminine identity? maybe get into things that you enjoy and make you feel feminine? There are girls who didn’t transition who still take some time to figure this stuff out and develop their femininity, which is so normal. You can do it too. It may sound superficial and cliche, but maybe clothes and make-up could be avenues to experiment with for that mental shift into feeling feminine. Again, not that you need those things, but certain things can help mentally -there are girls that didn’t transition that have small breasts and I’ve seen several with flat chests. Not to downplay your feelings at all, but your life still matters with a flat chest. And a person can still be very feminine with a flat chest. Also, forgive me again if I’m sounding ignorant, but wouldn’t HRT or estrogen increase breast size? Or have you talked to a professional about your options here? -facial hair can easily be removed permanently -you still have a body that functions, is healthy, supports you, and can change. None of us adults have the same bodies we had at 17. in fact all the cells regenerate every 7 years. You also still have a soul inside the body, and i would argue that it’s worth a million times more. All of our bodies fade througout our lives but our souls remain. That being said you can still find ways to be comfortable in your skin. Everyone has insecurities at 17 -since you stopped taking testosterone and are only 17, won’t your hormones reset and move in the direction of your biological gender if you give it some time? -you’re still a biological girl. Maybe repeat that as a mantra or something every morning and night. You still identify with the girl you were born as. Look at that as a positive thing for yourself. I’m not saying don’t feel what you feel or grieve. Process your emotions and honor them. But also look forward. And trust that feelings can change. Just my two cents to help you stress less about this
Why is your old body so important to you?
Because it was mine. I feel like I lost a part of myself and I mean I did lose a part of myself
Is it lost? The way I see it, it’s been returned. Sure, when we get back the things we’ve lost, they might not always be as we remember them. Sometimes their road back to us was as turbulent as our road back to them. Based on what you’ve described, it sounds like you don’t feel your outward expression matches what’s inside. That’s understandable. But there are so many avenues to pursue, if you desire to present femininity. Clothing, skincare, makeup, hair, exercise. A world of possibilities. You know better than most the risks of making life-altering decisions. Can you truly say that in three years, you won’t look back and be immensely grateful you didn’t take your life? Suicide is a life-altering decision that you cannot take back. I would merely advise caution. Take some time. Pursue your feminity and see what is possible. Please don’t rush into anything you can’t take back. If there is even a chance that you can look in a mirror and be pleased with what you see - don’t you owe it to yourself to try?
> I don’t wanna live like this. And you don't have to, you were on T for 2 years, its going to take a while for your hormones to get back to normal. >she won’t see me suffering anymore and she can then try to start over without me making her life so hard. If you do it she will never forgive herself, she will blame herself and think she failed you as a mom, i think you should see u/rachelah01 post's history so you have an ideia of how your mom will suffer if you do this. Op, for your own sake and for you mom's sake hold on, i know you can do this.