T O P
Functionalpotatoskin

She poked his heart physically and metaphorically 😭


Trips-Over-Tail

I remember arguments like this. The most heated one was when my best friend switched his favourite colour to my favourite colour, in flagrant violation of the pre-school Bro Code.


Malarkay79

Hey now, imitation is the highest form of flattery.


Trips-Over-Tail

This wasn't imitation, it was identity theft!


Scyhaz

Which, as we all know, is not a joke.


apgtimbough

Millions of families suffer every year!


StupidSexyPhilanders

Michael!


Narodnik60

I tried that "You're pretty." line on my wife. It actually worked. For a second.


DarthKaleighNaz

That’s the line my dad always uses on my mom lol


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Wazula42

I just poke her heart. Or try to at least.


Cidolfas2

For a while, when my wife was annoyed at me I gave her my most charming grin, said “I love you!” and kissed her. It never ever worked.


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SpiceySpazz

"Just calm down" or "hysterical" are like magic words


throwaway002106

“Relax” or “stop being so emotional”


troscornel

Or "mad again (huh)" does it too


evin0688

Don’t forget “irrational”, “crazy”, and if your really want to get on her good side, it’s best to drop “acting like a bitch”. The key is to awkwardly pause first indicating that you’re choosing your worldly carefully and then really emphasize the “ACTING LIKE” part.


k3rn3

What the fuck babe, are you like on your period?


Cidolfas2

I think the words "calm down" should be in the dictionary as the definition of a term that can only have the opposite effect of its actual meaning.


Neuchacho

That's why it's always better to yell it in Spanish. "¡Calmate!" just hits different. Note: Does not work on Spanish speakers.


RubAggressive3520

I’m wondering if the result of this will be considered murder 1 or manslaughter 🤔


0OOO00000OO00O0O0OOO

I always say "is it the period again". Then she calms down and says that I was right and she was wrong. She then makes me a sandwich and a gives me a BJ. Works all the time. Then I wake up in my parents basement and realize that it was a dream.


FlamingWeasel

Make sure you also ask if she's on her period and that's why she's being so irrational.


RubAggressive3520

If you want to start a massacre just say that


roy_rogers_photos

Well make sure you're actually married to the person and not just stalking them. You might have more success.


Hk-47_Meatbags_

Found Mat Cauthon from. Wheel of time!


s4r9am

Maybe it'll work in another turn of the Wheel


essentialatom

[I have proof that it can](https://youtu.be/1D3-Df3IDgE?t=216)


Ex-Pxls-Mod

Did you follow it up with the ol' "you're not real, I'm real"?


dailysunshineKO

My three year old son tells every woman & girl “you’re pretty”. It makes a lot of middle-aged women & senior women really happy. The *real* truth of the matter is we taught him the words “pretty” & “handsome” while explaining gender differences. I suspect that to him, *every* girl/woman is “pretty” no matter *what* they look like. And he gets such a positive reaction that he says it to every girl & woman he talks to 🤷‍♀️ Maybe this is more of an r/offmychest confession but I’ll never tell anyone in person that I think this. Most kids are brutally honest and have little to no tac so a complement is always nice to hear.


Titleduck123

My daughter recently got into the habit of complimenting everyone she sees. She says "I like your shirt", or "I like your hair" to anyone on the street. Then complains when people don't respond because she still has a quiet baby voice. The ones that do hear think it's adorable.


pinklavalamp

I’m a big supporter of “spreading kindness”, so everywhere I go (within reasonable limits, of course) I try to compliment people. If I like their dress, shoes, hairstyle, tattoo, bag, jewelry, whatever it is - I let them know. I’m a 40 year old white lady, and lemme tell you: the smiles never get old. I hope she keeps it up!


[deleted]

I tried it but my wife poked my heart.


SenorRaoul

Did you cap it off with a "Your're not real, I'm real"?


ptshoink

OK but did the boy get medical attention for the poked heart?!


nyl2k8

He sadly passed away from extended heart pokage. Flowers only please.


Spirit_409

*a-cute heart pokage


TchallaKingofWakanda

I heard it was sprinkling on the day of the funeral.


nyl2k8

It was raining…


WestboroBro

He carried a scar for the rest of his life like Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star


AaronTheElite007

“You poked my heart” Won’t be the last time someone pokes your heart, kid.


tupacshakyle

Villain origin story


irrational_design

I told her she was pretty and she poked me heart :-(


realashish_sk

It’s okay kid, u’ll get used to it!!😢


reddog323

Yeah I know, but today, can somebody please give the little guy a hug and a juice box? He’s *maybe* four. 🥺 There’s plenty of time to grow up and be disillusioned.


TeenzBeenz

This video is several years old. Yet, nearly every day, my partner and I quote bits of it to each other.


SkSt0rmer

We all do^(Don't we?😥)


WiseSalamander00

I keep getting poked and I haven't gotten used to it yet, 33 years...


imgoingtowar

I find comfort in this thread


SkSt0rmer

It feels home


NikeTwoSpots

Just remember to poke others tenderly in their hearts. It heals ye, take mention of me


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cloverrace

“You're not real. I'm real.” my new go to insult.


A1sauc3d

“You poked my heart” 🥺


Weak_Growth_4070

Poor son of a bitch, she ain't had to do him like that bro. That other golden crowned angel at least rubbed his lower back, but it twas his heart she smote. His little baby heart. 😢


Mervynhaspeaked

Get yourself a melody and you have a country single right here.


ninja6213

He's aware of the simulation


Biglytuff

Gotta take him out, poke his heart


BourbonRick01

Those two little girls are the kids version of agent Smith.


Biglytuff

Dammit, now I want to see an edit where she pokes him and he transforms into the third triplet. Then at the end of the clip, they all look at the camera and say, "It's raining". [Then for the after credits. It shows a year far into the future and it's a bunch of those girls standing in the rain like this.](http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/22500000/Agent-Smith-in-The-Matrix-Revolutions-agent-smith-22575743-570-300.gif)


bfandreas

Mola Ram! Sundaram! Mola Ram! Sundaram! Mola Ram! Sundaram! [Mola Ram! Sundaram!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0S8JZ6YO5c)


quaybored

Prepare to meet Kali. In hell!


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andpomme

Made me genuinely laugh, thank you


BannerTortoise

He knows too much.


Astrolys

My boy just discovered solipsism by himself at age 4


-sparke-

I came here to say the same thing. I've often felt that solipsism is just the natural state of young children and most animals. Only some outgrow it before adulthood.


manCool4ever

>solipsism TIL!


praeth

Well, who else should have?


[deleted]

I doubt I was 4, but I also independently came up with the same thought, the possibility that I was the only person who *really* exists, by age like.. 7 at the latest. I remember not bringing it up to my parents because I knew it would scare them to hear me say such a thing. And honestly like, YEAH IT SHOULD lmao


SnooLentils3008

I remember thinking that too, or that everyone else might be some kind of robot. I remember asking my mom "do you have a brain?" And she got upset and said "thats very rude to ask people!"


walldog48

Same!


Jealous_Seat_8570

He said you are pretty and then said you are not real, I’m real. Ha ha. Funny. Life would definitely be better if we stop poking each other in the heart.


Magdalan

Reminds me of my youngest brother in law. He was 5 when he first met his big bro (25, literally big at 6.'8 tall) They lived on the other side of the world from us basically and it was our first visit over there. Mum and dad were at work and we babysat the little dude meanwhile. After being told 'no' by my SO because he wanted icecream for breakfast he yelled the now famous words: I HATE you! But you're AWESOME!


Limitless_yt89

\*poking sounds\*


mcon87

...you poked my heart :'(


xKeg

You’re not real, man. - Creed Bratton


helliun

Solipsists be like


halfchuck

Youngest solipsist ever


perebebe

What was name of the theory that said you were a brain floating in the void dreaming everything yourself?


MostlyRocketScience

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain_in_a_vat https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism


TopolCZ

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boltzmann\_brain


[deleted]

Young Jaden Smith.


rhombusdiphthong

If you tell me that I’m gonna poke your heart!!!


Fancy-Mention-9325

Troll!


Trips-Over-Tail

Theory of mind: incomplete. I recall having similar views at that age that privelaged my position in the universe.


AeroKnows

This could totally be it, but if you ask me he meant to say, “you’re not right, I’m right!”


troub

Likely he's sort of conflating the concepts of 'real' and 'true' -- undeniably related but slightly different -- and just extending it to describe the person (maybe not having the vocabulary for 'truthful'). I mean, grownups do the same exact thing as slang: "let's be real" or "get real" or whatever. If he's *ever* heard someone fib or joke and then be told "get real" or "be real" or whatever, this totally makes sense. Telling a fib = you're not 'real.'


tmac3207

Why did she have to poke his heart? 😪


pat_the_tree

🎵 don't go poking my heart🎵


dabear51

🎵 i’ll try much lower next time 🎵


LET-ME-HAVE-A-NAAME

🤨📸


Willinton06

Yo tf you doing taking pics of children


XxSCRAPOxX

FBI!! Oh wait… idk we can trust them. Where’s the guy from dateline


captainbruisin

Can I borrow a feeling?


Realistic-Abroad-817

Kirk Van Houten is pure talent and we don’t deserve his love music interpretations


trumpisanoompaloompa

🎶poked in the heart It's sprink-a-ling You're not real, I'm real 🎶 (Tune- You give love a bad name)


Fokewe

Poor guy. He's got a crush on the wrong sister.


KindaBatGirl

This little trio is the perfect representation for adult love life relationships. Poor little dude; it does not get better.


mator8288

How can she poke!?


niagara_velociraptor

>🎵 don't go poking my heart🎵 🎵 Quit playin pokies with my heart..my heart...my heart...🎵


Polkadot_moon

"You're pretty. You're not real! I'm real!" 😂


White_Wokah

Oblivion NPC vibes


MelodicPendulum

https://streamable.com/mazeb6


Tall_trees_cold_seas

Hahahaha, this is fucking amazing.


Sixers7

Thank you for this 😂


artificial_scarcity

We need a recut with oblivion background music with combat music starting as soon as she pokes him


The_Alternate_Eye

This kid is better than most weebs, including me


Greedy_Signature_581

"you poked my heart 🥺" that's the cutest line ever


digitulgurl

Good twin, bad twin LOL


Tsubasa-Minoru

It's like watching two chatbots talk to each other


deadfeet3

Does that mean chatbots have developed the mental capabilities of a toddler?


A_Flipped_Car

That is fucking terrifying


DarkSideofOZ

Especially since the majority of the time toddlers resort to violence.


niagara_velociraptor

Google: ![gif](giphy|xULW8CVCfQn2QytFM4|downsized)


Steinmans

Oh they’re well passed that by now, I’d say they’re close to a shy 6 year old with ADHD


TheVoters

You clearly said a jackdaw was a crow…


Tinfoilhat14

You’re pretty😂❤️


RazendeR

Excellent way to defuse any argument, tbh.


Tinfoilhat14

As a 24 year old female, I can promise it does. My boyfriend actually does the same thing when we’re arguing. Just out of nowhere “you’re so pretty!” In an aggressive tone😂 I laugh and then forget we were arguing.


stYOUpidASSumptions

I do this to my wife when I realize she's right. I'm not ready to admit it yet. I'll apologize later. Right now I'm going to angrily tell you you're really pretty because you are and then sulk in my wrongness for a few minutes while I try not to smile at the cute giggles. It is what it is.


Tinfoilhat14

My boyfriend does that too😂


jak_d_ripr

My man shot his shot, nothing but respect for the little brother.


Long_N_Left

I don’t know what it says about me… but my wife and I have the same argument every time is sprinkles. Yes, I said sprinkles.


Nois3

Is she pretty?


Long_N_Left

You got me. She’s not real. I am.


iBeenie

Did she poke your heart?


Senhor_Zero

He's Ok


ericwn

She poked his heart.


godhelpusloseourmind

Sounds like me talking to a girl “You’re pretty” Immediately followed up by “You’re not real. I’m real!”


BeHereNow91

Comes across much different at 4 than 34.


TriassicPatrick

This is literally just the template for every internet argument ever.


throwaway1googleplex

I feel like the good twin is gonna be on clean up duty for her sister the rest of her life.


[deleted]

I was this age too when I learned to not argue on perspectives. Me and a kid both get red lollipops. He tells me it’s good and tastes like cherry. I tell him no it’s a strawberry lollipop. We start yelling “Strawberry!” “CHERRY!” It gets so heated he spits on me, so I spit on him back, so we’re just spitting at each other. At this point a teacher runs to separates us. She asks whats going on and we’re huffing and puffing telling her how the other one, won’t accept we’re the one who’s right. She explains to us…..we were given different flavors. We both were right😩😂


sniggity_snax

Wait this is probably a dumb question, but were you actually given different flavors or was this just the teacher's clever way to end the argument?


determinedpeach

The commenter was so young, there'd be no way of knowing. It's a good trick for teachers though


[deleted]

My secret hope is they were given different lollipops and were both wrong.


fulltimeRVhalftimeAH

As a parent, this is gold and I’m gonna use this one.


Idle_Hero

Well, the story is not real. I’m real


sniggity_snax

No, you're pretty.


TchallaKingofWakanda

Be careful, that's how you get your heart poked.


[deleted]

I read me and my kid, and I though you had a spitting contest with your child lmao


IDownvoteHornyBards2

Your teach made them up to end the argument


Quirky_Value_9997

Think little man is a little tired, lol.


Akilez2020

I'm thoroughly convinced that a cameraman following a group of young children around unedited could be far more entertaining than some of the best written television.


tmac3207

I work at an aftercare program during the school year. A 4-year-old boy was acting up, just having a bad day. The counselor told me he ran in the bathroom. I go in to talk to him and he's completely naked, even his socks. I'm like little dude, why are your clothes off? He said, I'm mad. Holding it together in those moments can be quite hard at times!


dman7456

Cool of him to go somewhere private before rage stripping


PallidMaskedKing

Search on YouTube for "What would happen if ten boys were left to live alone together". It's a 45min documentary, or rather a social experiment. Spoiler: It's total mayhem and utterly hilarious.


NikipediaOnTheMoon

Lord of the flies?


SapphicGarnet

There was a show in the UK called 'the secret lives of five year olds'. It was full of gems like this.


Thin-Study-2743

This is on Netflix now, Japanese toddlers doing errands.


time_flask

You should check out "Old Enough" on Netflix. It's got a few episodes from the Japanese show and those kids are fascinating to watch especially when they send two of them on an errand together


tricularia

poke to the heart and you\`re to blame i asked my mom, and that's rain!


Impressive_Abies_587

How can she poke?


Soleos

Dayam, this is how I know I've been browsing the internet too long. Thank you for this reference.


humanlearning

Sometimes kids resemble too much drunk adults


SaraSmashley

I'm the person in the back just lookin at the wall, making sure no one throws hands.


jellypeanutbuter

That kid in the back being a titan in the walls


ther0gueprince

Well, what's about it ,is it sprinkling or raining?


leglesslegolegolas

yes


cmgr33n3

In my experience, it is crazy effective at diffusing an argument to just tell someone that the thing they just said/did out of anger to make you feel bad actually did make you feel bad. Particularly with people we already know but even with strangers. Literally just saying, "Well, that makes me feel bad." And boom. Now the other person isn't fighting off whatever angry comment you made that made them feel bad but is unexpectedly reflecting on the truth and appropriateness of their own statements and actions.


whingingcackle

That only works if the other person has a modicum of respect for you. I’ve met assholes who would probably double down if you tell them that what they said hurt you.


funkmobb

“Oh you feel bad?” “I hope you feel like shit!”


plsrepeatthequestion

I’ve had one of my close friends respond to me admitting being hurt with: well you shouldn’t feel that way. We don’t speak anymore, needless to say.


gettingbicurious

Yeah I got a "well what do you want me to do about it?!" once from a friend after I told her how something she did made me extremely uncomfortable and was not okay. We too are no longer friends.


SSTralala

This is the reason why you can't really get toddlers to understand their actions have consequences or morality until they're more developed, but you can get them to react with empathy. A 2 year old may not understand if he pushes over his brother's block tower then it was a bad, immoral choice to upset his brother, but you can get them to see his brother is now sad about it. They'll react to the emotion, not the action and that's where you start to reinforce the lesson, and why it still works with adults. It's our earliest form of taking some responsibility.


SpiceySpazz

What a great point! I do that but never realized; I think it immediately diffuses situation by making yourself the "vulnerable" one. You're exposing your true self which most hide. It is brave to be vulnerable.


BreweryBuddha

Seems like you found some reasonable, caring people to fight with


Surfingtheseas

too cute


cursedwithplotarmor

I taught 12-13 years olds for years. Every election year, in January I’d mark the classroom as “absolutely not politics” zone, then explain it was for this very same reason. Kids wouldn’t actually say “my mom said,” but you knew that’s all they meant.


[deleted]

I love how we all argued about politics as kids but had no fucking clue what we were talking about. Like we'd talk about whether taxes should be increased or decreased but we didn't actually know what the tax rates were in the first place.


PheonixGalaxy

“You poked my heart” MY HEART!!


ApostrophesForDays

The future's toughest soccer/futbol player.


Real_Boy3

This sounds like an AI-generated conversation.


MendedZen

You’re pretty. Interesting counter.


PerformanceLeather55

you poked my heart🥺


vaikunth1991

That sneaky "You're pretty"


Kidon308

How did you get this undercover footage of Congress?


Trash_Space_Racoon

Bro got done dirty😔 getting his heart poked.


DomacKostolomac

You're laughing. He got his heart poked and you're laughing.


German-shepherdlover

"no. You're pretty!"


Bradspersecond

I'm like a little serial killer concerned about the "you're not real, I'm real" statement.


SoulSensei6

Love this! He tried to stop the argument by saying she's pretty


Jim_Nills_Mustache

This poked my heart, in a good way if I’m being unclear.


L-Profe

Poked heart > broken heart ❤️‍🩹


KhmerAssassin

This sounds like what an AI generated conversation would be


Trek_redd

The cutest thing I’ve maybe EVER seen? “You poked my heart?”—- oh, I’m melting.


LongjumpingEnd2198

So cute. Little does he know ... when older his heart will be poked by love lost and all the raining will be on the inside. He's just started early.


somebunny88

u/savevideobot


mayanays-spelt-wrong

u/savevideobot


HelloweenCapital

Never gets old. So adorable! We need a "Where Are They Now" and maybe a sitcom.


Greengoat42

Proof positive that kids learn to disagree with others from their parents. The boy clearly loves both of them and would jump off the world to make them happy, but his love for his mom overruled them.