By - tedcanuck
Thanks! I'm giving this some thought.
What Dixie said is right. Think of all your hard work and dedication you have put into your life, your families lives, and so on. So many people have had the same opportunity robbed from them because of illnesses or drunk drivers, etc. It’s ok to live in the moment and be happy with life’s accomplishments. Also, congratulations grandpa and long time marriage!
Sir why don't you try Carpentry or making leather wallets. I am 25 now and thats what I can picture myself doing when ai think of retirement. I have no where near enough experience to make a suggestion here but I couldn't help myself from replying.
Yes! Nice furniture would be awesome. Hard to find good furniture these days
Dude, I look up to you and what you've done with your life. You've done it. Congrats, please enjoy yourself and live, life is too good. Best of luck to you and your family, happy Thanksgiving!
I find small hobbies or revisit hobbies as a 22 year old to help with my own depression problems that are very real
Thank you. They're real and sometimes inexplicable.
My neighbor I had when I was a teenager had a large wood workshop opposite to his wife’s horses (her hobby/his hobby sorta thing), and he was always making something new, and trying something new, that took him tens, sometimes hundreds of hours to make.
Him and his wife had been retired since they were in their late 30s, and always had found fulfillment for making something new, or trying something new, or sharing how they got where they got (financially, nothing beside what I heard from them really helped me in the long run).
I’ll never forget how much of a twinkle in his eyes he had, whenever he was showing me how he made a surface so smooth, you couldn’t feel it with your fingertips, or how he made complex moving pieces, with *a couple thousandths* of an inch tolerances.
What do you like doing?
My entire work life has been one corporate merger, buyout, and subsequent downsizing after another. I’m almost 60 and the startup I’m with now is running out of cash. This nonsense just never seems to end.
If anything, I can’t wait to do absolutely nothing, because I can always find ways to stay entertained. The work world has been one giant lie for me for my entire life, and if there were some way off this treadmill, I would be ecstatic to have a chance to take the leap.
These folks who live to work then shrivel up and die the moment they retire? Buddy, I’d trade with you any day of the week. Come be a drone in the knowledge economy and feel the butthurt.
I hear ya. I am grateful for a lifetime of steady if at times gruelling employment. I remember at work thinking how nice it would be to wake up and wonder "what'll I do today?". Now it's here and I'm squandering it with depression. It's shocking to me. Issues with adult children are a contributing factor but I need to adjust and get on with the rest of my life.
I gotta get creative and fight this.
Thanks for your honesty.👍
Good luck with the remainder of your career and beyond.
“old white dudes openly disdained”
That hit a nerve. I’m not old, but I feel like I’ll encounter this shit sooner or later. It’s a question of how much of a fuck you give about others’ opinions about you and what you do. At some point, I’ll just accept that others don’t want me to be around/alive and I’ll have to give them the finger.
The problem is when this affects employment and becomes real discrimination that white are accused if in the first place. Ignoring it or giving the finger won't help then. Too much ignoring already, that us what got us here in the first place.
Yup, I’m in my mid 20s and already ready to get addicted to golf and grilling
I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for. But I think you have two possibilities here. Not mutually exclusives ones.
You can find an interest of your own you truly find rewarding for itself. And spend your time at that. I won't expand as some others already commented on that.
And/or if you feel that what was most fulfilling in your life up to now is supporting, helping your family grow and explore their potential. Then I assure you, plenty of young people would love your help with something. If you have any skill that you can share with them, DIY, home maintenance, car maintenance or mechanics, I don't know leather working, whatever it is.
Make an open workshop for young people to learn from you, you could even call in some of your buddies who I'm sure find themselves with some time and some skills to share. I truly believe that would be a great adventure.
I would love to find that where I live and would be there in a heartbeat. It'll be fulfilling to you and will be of tremendous value to your community too.
Something to think about.
Make the best of it whatever you choose to do, and Godspeed to you sir.
You're very welcome sir.
After reading another comment I'll second the reading suggestion. Pick up a good book.
I agree with this second idea as well - My fiancé and I are in our early thirties and a lot of our friends are 20, 30 years older than us. We gain a lot wisdom from them and enjoy learning things like woodworking, mechanics, cooking, etc. and besides that, having friends of an older age brings a level of wisdom and insight we could never get from our peers. We also don’t have strong family figures so we tend to find that elsewhere. OP, you may have grown children but never know when you could be a influential father figure to someone else who needs it in their life as well.
Your story makes me think of "A Man Called Ove" by Fredrik Backman. You might want to read it.
Thank you. I'll check it out.
It's fiction, but it's good. And I think it holds some truth.
All good fiction does.
Theres a movie of it, subtitled, and i really liked it. I think it might have been Norwegian
I didn't know it was made into a movie. I'll have to look it up.
Hey old man, guy about half your age here. When I'm as old as you what would you recommend I do?
Great question young fella! Cultivate activities and contacts outside the workplace. Don't retire too soon if there's anything you enjoy about your job. There may be enjoyment you're missing by getting caught up in politics.
I drummed in the local pipe band and in a swing band. As these are all wind instrument bands I've stopped participating due to COVID.
I underestimated the value of the social component of working for a living. I didn't realize how much I would miss it. Through experience and certification I rose to the level of a "go to guy" and I miss the ego food that provided.
Thanks. That was a thought provoking question!
People, perhaps particularly men, need your wisdom. It sounds like you are a solid upstanding man. The world needs good role models. There are more ways to fall into the abyss than to successfully shoulder responsibility. Don't discount your achievements. They matter. You matter.
I'm 62 and my two sons are now open to genuine honest advice. This is one of the meaning aspects of my life.
Sometimes a question, is worth more than an answer.
Sounds like you just answered your own existential crisis, better than anyone ever could.
I think part of the value in life, is the value others get from us, you were the go to guy, with all the answers, and even in the band, you were the stable beat, that everyone depended on.
You still have great value to your family, and a responsibility, to bring value to their lives, not put them in the same crisis that you are in.
I'm in the same boat, my isolation, just started before the pandemic, still sabotage my way back by not doing what i should, and taking the path's before me.
People often concentrate their attention on the grandchildren at this age if they don't find enough interest in their personal endeavors anymore
My oldest doesn't even want kinds. I have to bribe him somehow, so I can raise grandchildren.
I hear ya. I feel guilty that I'm not feeling more grateful for what I have. I think it's depression?
I've been there. Sometimes, perhaps often, depression has basic, treatable medical causes. I had sleep apnea. Much better now. It would be tragic to suffer when the solution might be pretty simple. There are people who can help.
Sir, think of your children, think of your grandchildren, think of your wife. I understand that you might be going through a lot, but it is your responsibility to protect your family from this pain and from the eternal guilt that this action would make them feel.
You have done your job, so far, so great. But it’s your duty to stay strong and keep on doing your job. Your family still needs you. Stay on their side, and most of all protect them from this pain. Please.
Now, apart from this, I am confident that you can find meaning if you search for it. Spend your remaining days near your loved ones, their smiles. Take an early morning walk or evening walk on the nature. Read a great book.
And now that I said read a great book, here are some great recommendations:
- Meditations - Aurelius
- Zorba the Greek - Nikos Kazantzakis
- Brothers Karamazov- Fyodor Dostoevsky
- Jordan Peterson - Maps of meaning
I will close this comment with a small quote from the latter:
“The purpose of life, as far as I can tell… is to find a mode of being that’s so meaningful that the fact that life is suffering is no longer relevant.”
Now sir, go on, find your new meaning, make suffering to be not longer relevant. It is your duty to do so. Your job is not done.
Thank you. I'm going to journal the suggestions, my actions and my progress. I appreciate the thoughtful, helpful replies.
You are very welcome. With all my sincerity, I hope that things will work out fine for you.
There's no guarantee that you're grandchildren will turn out as well as your children, especially with today's culture and political climate. You have a lifetime of knowledge and wisdom to pass down to them that can prepare them for the world ahead.
You have a wealth of knowledge from your life, and although work may be a thing of the past, it isn’t as if you are incapable of sharing it to others. I regret not being able to talk to my grandfather more about his life. I lost him at 17, fortunately I got to learn his values at a young age, and was able to carry it into adulthood, but I would have loved to pick his brain now. Especially considering he was married to my grandmother for so long. They are both gone now, and I miss them greatly, I would have loved to introduce my wife to them. Maneuvering a marriage for over 40 years takes time and dedication, and patience. I would have enjoyed hearing how they got through hard times and raised four children. I often wish he could have seen the man I am today. I guess what I’m saying is you are of significant value, don’t sell yourself short.
I wish I got to know my grandfather, I bet at least one of your grandchildren will have at least some shared interests. Take advantage of the time you have left with them. Also don’t forget your wife of 40 years take her traveling, make more memories, find an active hobby you can both do (if your health allows it). There’s a whole world out there and you are actually in a position to go out and see what it has to offer.
This is pretty much the same story as me. I think about them often wishing I had the wisdom they gained from a long experienced life. Perhaps OP could write some journals so that one day, when his grandkids need it, they can take his advice later on in life, even when he's long gone.
I bought a house in my mid twenties. My grandpa came over to help me replace some outlets; he was in his 80s.
We got a couple done and I said, “thanks grandpa, I can do the rest.”
He said, “No, we started the job and we’re going to work until we finish it.”
I think about that day often. Even though he had nothing to do for work and we (all his family) were getting along fine, he was still a model of tradition, family respect, good morals, and duty to the few commitments he had. Your actions will still be a model even though it doesn’t seem like it.
When he was in a nursing home I went and played cards with him, and though he felt like he was a burden, that gave me purpose.
You matter to them, even if it just means taking care of yourself and your wife, even if it means they have to care for you. Be grateful for life, and take joy where you can. Congratulations on the successful family.
Grandparents have so much to offer grandchildren. You are in no way "done"
Find a way to help people. Everyone needs purpose in their life.
Now you can be the elder your family needs. The guide everyone needs by sharing your life lessons. My father does this 🙂
You avoided going penniless and winding up on the street, and so have your kids. You avoided divorce. You kept up with technological advancement throughout your life enough to have a thriving Reddit account. Millions of people can’t even figure out how to get one of those done, let alone all. Perhaps your purpose now is to teach them how to avoid that. If you save even one life, that’s worth a lot.
That was my first Reddit post....I think?
I really appreciate all the kind and thoughtful replies.♥️
I'm only 37 but felt this way a few times in my life. But then I encountered a book called Siddhartha.
I read siddartha in high school my sophomore year, and I didn’t really understand the meaning behind it until I got a little older (I’m 21 now). It’s really interesting how he begins as a monk and then does a total 180° and basically indulges himself into every kind of immediate pleasure and desire he can find. In the end he becomes enlightened because he finds that the meaning of life does not reside within either chaos or order, but instead somewhere in between. Just my thoughts.
To OP, the book is pretty short and entertaining throughout, i would definitely recommend.
I know my attempt at advice was short and possibly a bit vapid but I'm a better person because of Siddhartha (and Narcissus And Goldmund if I'm honest). I've sent Siddhartha to a number of male friends who found themselves in the prison system and each of them found something that inspired them to do better through reading it.
Thank you! I'll check it out.
It's really beautiful. I would even say life affirming.
Watch Peterson's conversation with Roland Griffiths. Best of luck to you.
I'll do that....written in my journal.
6 hours of sheer terror lol
Its never been like that for me, though the experiences are sometimes challenging.
The transformations they can induce in perspective, emotional life and sense of purpose is unbelievable until you experience it yourself.
Yeah i just got the terror
I've heard (and experienced) that surrendering to the terror transforms the experience into one of ecstasy and bliss.
Same place you all are. 60 years old, white male and not ashamed of being white and male. Been independent all my life with no regrets. Hardest thing in life is keeping busy to have a satisfied day and feelings of accomplishment. No body is disposable unless you let yourself be.
Do you have grandchildren? My dad is the same age and finds a ton of fulfillment with his grandchildren.
I do. COVID has thrown us off track a bit.
Well, focus on them. The inference of your post is concerning and I’m just asking you to consider the impact on your grandchildren. I was devastated when my grandfather died of natural causes. You have purpose. You’re just in a different phase of your life and need to find and understand the meaning. But you definitely have value.
My dad teaches my kids certain skills that I don’t have time to do because of work. He welds and does carpentry that he teaches my sons. He also takes them for rides on the four wheeler and boat. Memories they will cherish for the rest of their lives.
Just because your kin have left the nest doesn't mean you have to stop supporting them. Even in retirement, you can take on the purpose of adding to your grandchildren's college fund, babysitting, teaching them, etc.
Your purpose in life only ends when thats what you choose.
Find something worth while to do. If you are healthy you might still have another two decades to fill. Mentoring in some field might be worth considering. Pick up some new skills. Just don't sit around and wait to die.
Thanks! I'll try.
That's how I feel a lot of days....like Townes' song.
3d printing is an amazing hobby! you should look into it!
That sounds cool. I used to work on CNC milling machines and lathes and I loved it.
Why not try diving head long into something you've always wanted to try but never felt you had the time. Some sort of art or craft maybe. Maybe the stagnation of it all is a call to adventure and a new beginning!
First line sounds like an advice for a creative suicide lmao
Probably my dream life, hope I’m in your situation at 67. You have 3 kids and 4 grandkids to live for. Those grandkids loves you and needs a safe lap to sit on. You can try to find purpose in being a great family man. Wish nothing but love for you and your family :)
Thank you! I'm gonna try.😀
Sounds like you may have come to the next stage of your life. There is a transition that many people your age go through, and that's the post-work and post-family stage. While this stage can look differently for many different people, often it involves finding ways to share your experiences and life wisdom in ways you've never done or been able to do before. Which, I assure you, you have much to share. The question is how you do it, what you do, and how that fulfill the callings and mission(s) in your life--which I would argue isn't over. Your work and your family may have been part of your callings in life, but I would argue that those were *not* the sum of your callings and missions in life. Instead, they merely the contexts in which you expressed your callings, your life missions, and otherwise found meaning in. You've merely done what could be done in those contexts. Now, it's simply time for a new context.
I strongly recommend exploring some of these thoughts and inclinations you're having with a professional. A counsellor may be of incredible benefit, if you're able to do so. You don't even have to discuss the deeper things, because they often provide environments where people can explore their passions, strengths, and what fulfills them, so people can find new contexts to carry these things over into.
Although I've never used this service and have no affiliation with them, my peers have told me this is an excellent, cost-effective service if you want to check it out: [https://www.betterhelp.com/](https://www.betterhelp.com/)
Pretty crazy that having and launching a family was all you ever thought was your purpose. I found my purpose 12 years ago at 23 (running a business, inspiring employees, and building relationships with clients), and now I’m having a hard time doing the stuff you’re “supposed” to do, because it just doesn’t look that fun.
Dear tedcanuck, you sound like an honourable and hard working man with much to be proud of. Signing out does not align with the above principles. If life, as you now know it, is too hard to bare I think it important to organise space & time to get creative. Rest, recouperate, reinvent. Maybe be a little more selfish!
Mentoring is a great way to to fill your life with purpose. There are highschool and university programs which can get you started. That way your wealth of knowledge will find a use.
I think this is an area where the western world has failed. We have no "tribes" to incorporate our elders anymore. Perhaps finding or even creating a community as a means of repurposing yourself could be beneficial? I know I did not have meaningful connections to elders in my childhood.
Don't neglect religious life.
Hey. I maybe a bit late to the party and I’m quite a bit younger than you however -
Having grown up without a father or any sort of good example aging has always terrified me.
One of the most influential books I have ever read was called “the making of a radical” or something like that by Scott Nearing.
Through various life circumstances he found himself unemployable when he was I believe 64- at that age- when many are retiring and just aging out he set about to homestead - dividing his days into 3 4 hour sessions doing physical work, social engagements and intellectual work.
He homesteaders until he was 100 and then chose to stop eating and pass away.
Our society is fucked. In a lot of ways you are probably at peak usefulness in terms of wisdom and practical knowledge- but there doesn’t seem to be much value on that as far as the world is concerned.
I agree with another poster- finding meaning without family etc seems more difficult but it can be done.
Another example is Leonard Cohen. He produced some of his best music up until he died at 82.
There is also a growing men’s movement - probably under different names but there is one called sacred sons. The push towards more brotherhood is really cool. A friend of mine is heavily involved with them and u would be most welcomed at those tables.
Thank you for sharing - sorry for this rambling mess of a text lol.
Thank you. Far from a mess....very helpful.👍
I think retiring can be very difficult for men, because they suddenly get cut of from a lot of their responsibilities and hence meaning.
JP often talks about how mentoring is one of the most satisfying things one can do. Can you use any of your skills to help other people that are just starting out with their jobs/families?
Imagine being in a hunter-gatherer community. Just because you're getting too old to hunt doesn't mean you're of no value to the group. You're wisdom is more valuable then the young guys' physical strength and stamina.
Also, how is your relationship with your three kids and four grandchildren? Is there anything you could do to improve that? I would guess those relationships are what is most meaningful in later life for most people.
But most importantly, if you're fantasising about suicide, that is the dangerous first step towards it, so please confide honestly about this to someone in your life or perhaps try and talk to a therapist. It could be you're actually experiencing depression in which case it might be very difficult to work you way out of it as it's a feedback loop. Please seek help. The world needs you man. Sending love from Scotland <3
Your grandchildren need you. Teach them everything you wish you were taught at their age.
Keep going to some sort of work, doing something around people you enjoy. The fastest way to feel worthless is to withdraw from others (retire and be alone) combined with a lack of problem solving at work that keeps the mind busy.
Lots of studies back this up.
You have so much more to give that you have learned about life, find another vessel to put it in, sir!
I thought only Mums went through this. Thanks for this post.
I live in an industrial sports crazy town. This type of talk isn't high up on the admirability scale here.
Could it be that men are less likely to tell anyone?
Nah. Don't think like that. You always have something to share with the world. You said you have worked in heavy industry I am sure you can share some tips and tricks with other people that are working hard to earn their living.
Maybe you have knowledge of youe trade that you can share. Also how would your family feel if they hear about what are you pondering....
Good question about family.
It makes me think of the movie title:
No Country for Old Men
What industry were you in?
I think you have a lot to share with the world...
Journeyman Machinist and 2nd Class Power Engineer (Canada)
...called steam engineers in some places.
Business: Smelting metal from ore.
Go after impulsive instant gratifying pleasure. U earned it!
Hey man, you made it! We're all trying to get to where you're at. We spend our whole lives planting seeds (career, family, etc), and working our butts off to make them grow. We put a lot of effort into one that needs attention only to find that we're somehow now failing at all the rest.
Those trees are grown for you. Now you get to enjoy their fruit and shade without the constant effort it had been! You can now harvest the fruit of your labor!
If you want, you can plant a tree that can be as much or little effort as you want to put in in the form of hobbies. You could help your grandkids to grow towards fulfilled individuals (watering their sprouts to continue the metaphor).
Congratulations man. And that is meant sincerely coming from someone looking forward to the harvest some day so I make it through the daily effort it takes to keep everything growing.
Thank you. I like that! 🙏
I play the guitar and used to enjoy it between work and child rearing. Something changed?
I’ve thought about this some as a late 20s male.
I kinda think the best way to be fulfilled once I’m well past retirement is to serve as a deacon at Church or at least attend a lot, as in daily. Seems like praying for my hopefully large family at this point will be time well spent
Well done— you have absolutely succeeded in life. You have set a great example of the type of person the world needs more of. Please find a way to continue to pass this on to other generations. It may seem trite, but simply being present and around people is how to do this. Multigenerational gatherings— church, hobby clubs, volunteering, etc. Good luck, and God bless you.
I love the Coen Bros. Movie No Country For Old Men. It was a bit before the current climate, but I think it’s a brilliant depiction of this sentiment. Tommy Lee Jones’ character is struggling with this dilemma.
I think it’s not only a commentary on finding passion in retirement, but also in inheriting a future that is vastly different than what was promised. My dad is 75 and I think about him in relation to this movie. He fought in Vietnam, got a good blue collar job, worked his way up and provided his family a great living in a nice neighborhood with solid schools. But, the “promise” that he thought he had signed on for in the 80’s has changed. His company changed the pension to a 401k retirement plan. America has turned into a corporate background, destroying the ability of small business. Kids don’t respect elders. Families are broken.
Anyway, hang in there, sir. You’ve provided the American dream to your family. You are not disposable and there are those of us that absolutely cherish and learn from these old school ethos.
But it’s only because you think your life is about service. Now that you’re kids are settled you can do whatever you want. Let’s not forget that Abraham was probably older than you before he even left his hometown.
This is the mentality I had when I was only 23-24, 3-4 years ago.
What helped you?
I'm only 30 but reading what you have accomplished makes me feel inspired and happy. I wish you all the best and hope you find a hobby that you love or something rewarding that you can focus on.
Help us. The younger ones. Some questions :
1 When decades pass, which characteristics become most important in a friend?
2.Same question about marriage.
3.Do you feel you have worked too much, enough or too little? How do you know the difference?
4.If you had to live a life all over again and pick something else as a job, what would you pick?
5.What did you teach your kids that your parents didn't teach you?
Greetings from the Nordic countries and congrats on all the work you've done.
Thank you! Great questions! I'll get to them tomorrow. It's bedtime here in British Columbia, host to the atmospheric rivers. This is a term I wish I'd never had to learn about.
I get everyone suggestions to get a hobby.
May I make the suggestion to do your duty.
Please think of all the things you still have to teach to all of your children and grandchildren.
Think all of the things that you can teach to people who aren’t even your family.
Community outreach as an example.
I am at the point in my life which I joined the “graybeard club.”
We’re allowed to be grumpy we’re allowed to just say what’s real.
And has our fathers guided their families and their nation we also should do.
I wind up teaching and providing wisdom for about 70% of my workday.
There is a bit of satisfaction in providing wisdom.
And just think what ruination comes if everybody listen to people with blue haired, skinny jeans wearing folks while they pontificate while sipping a soy latte ………
I see a lot of good suggestions on here.
My questions would be, What do you believe the meaning of life is? Why do you think you’re on this spinning rock called Earth? Do you believe in a Higher Power? Do you believe a Higher Power cares about you? I don’t expect you to answer these questions to me but if you don’t know what you believe, take the time you need to ponder these questions and seek out truth.
Also you sound like a hard worker. Have you done the inner work it takes to get healing for your childhood? Have you done everything you possibly can to cultivate connection in your relationship with your wife and kids?
As Peterson says, “If you decide you hate life, first of all how do you know that your lens on life is correct?” Have you really done EVERYTHING you can to set your house in order. Have you done the inner work to find healing, have you done everything you can grow deeper in relationships? And then as everyone else is saying. What do you do for fun? Fun and play is highly underrated in most men your age but so important. :)
Well done in reaching out and seeking for more. You have what it takes to get through this.
Take a look around and see what might be putting you off. Yeah, I know stresses in general can be taxing, but you should be able to let a lot of that go (taking a "pass" from familial obligations as needed, and so forth). Think one's retirement and very existence/consciousness should be naturally savorable, assuming no serious chronic pain, or what have you. See if there is any definite factor giving you concern. You're making a major transition of where you mainly keep yourself (work vs home) and might need to make some adjustments. I think at the bottom its always a fight, and following some conventional paths might just put it off for a while.
Thank you. There are some stresses that seem insurmountable at times. Maybe there is hope for lessening them. Things might seem less bleak then?
Thing will seem less bleak then and there is a way for lessening them.
Everyone needs their sanctuary for chilling, and sure sounds like you've earned it. Get that, and all is good, and the rest of the world can "go to hell"! :)
The show must go on friend.
Yes......troubling as it is at times.
Your used to providing and it sounds like you lose your identity when your not working. That's ok and so normal. But you can still provide only this time there's no one else telling what to work on (assuming you were an employee). Start a project, one that helps people on a subject you are passionate and an expert in. Whatever you like! Explore yourself you deserve it :) you are still needed and so so valuable to your community.
At 67 you are young comparatively speaking. Find a hobby, get a part time job.
We sacrifice so much for our families and careers many of us go years without hobbies or interests outside of them. It can be hard getting into the habit of having non productive fun especially at first. Find something you're even a little bit interested in, the more you do it the better it gets. Good luck.
As times change, we change - and adapt.
This is a new stage of your life and if you are still alive, you still have something to learn.
Maybe your 'job' wasn't just to work and raise children. Maybe your job now is *grandfather*. Why would you deprive your children's children of that particular pleasure?
I'm also willing to bet that you have a wealth of other talents and life skills that can be shared.
Find a hobby/passion for the mind to focus on or you could rot away into the abyss
Enjoy your grandkids?
And if you don’t find a purpose in that, you should keep in mind that the nuclear family is a pretty modern construct. Grandparents used to play a key part in raising children.
Not that I’m anywhere near your age/situation but I still have an opinion on the topic 🤷♂️
You have an important job .... Live long enough to vote in the next election.
You don’t sound very disposable to me, contributing to society with your labour and taxes, and raising a family that would never be the same again if you were gone before your time.
You, sir, are not done yet. You have grandchildren to help raise, and a community that needs the perspective of someone who’s worked hard and accomplished much.
Travel, some hobby you like to do at home (or even better, with others, such as flying RC planes), volunteer.
You’ll have to find a new purpose and there’s nothing wrong if it’s selfish.
You could be a really good grandfather. I suppose that's worth trying.
I'm not sure what I can do to help you. But if we ever met, I'd give you a hug.
Happy thanksgiving, and congratulations on 40+ years of marriage.
P.S. You're not disposable. You'll be a grandpa soon enough, if you're not already. And besides, your wife is still around, no? She and your kids would miss you dearly if you just disappeared.
You make the world a better place, and that is a job worth living for in and of itself.
I have always heard about the young people’s struggles and difficulties through the adolescent years. But very rarely have I heard about the difficulties of change in the children growing and leaving and retirement. The existential crises’. Correct me if I’m wrong but the absorption of a child in law into the family can be as troublesome as middle school. Facing the unknown and dealing with the growth opportunities presented.???
We stand on the shoulders of giants - now it's your turn to be the giant. You may not realize it but there are a lot of eyes on you.
FWIW - when you've attended every school board meeting, town council meeting and any other meeting that impacts the lives of your community - then you can relax. You don't have to get up and speak - if you attend regularly - people will recognize your interest.
Frankly 67 is kind of young.
Im 37yo. Multiple past partners with personality disorders. Been used, abused, bashed, raped, robbed....everything u can think of. There is no help anywhere at all, the cops just think its all a joke.
Ive given it a month, 1 month of effortt to improve my life or im checking the fk out too.
Fwiw, im a multi millionaire, the $$ means fucking nothing when youre miserable.
Sorry to hear this. I'm gonna try many of the things people have suggested here. They cared enough to reach out which makes me feel a little better in itself and there are many good ideas. I'm gonna keep fighting for a more enjoyable life. I hope you do too. Take care.💚🙏
Has anyone ever told you that God loves you and that He has a wonderful plan for your life? I have a real quick, but important question to ask you. If you were to die this very second, do you know for sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you would go to Heaven? Let me quickly share with you what the Holy Bible reads. It reads “for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” and “for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord”. The Bible also reads, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved”. And you’re a “whosoever” right? Of course you are; all of us are.
I’m going to say a quick prayer for you. Lord, bless this man and hi family with long and healthy lives. Jesus, make Yourself real to him and do a quick work in his heart. If he has not received Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, I pray he will do so now.
If you would like to receive the gift that God has for you today, say this after me with your heart and lips out loud. Dear Lord Jesus, come into my heart. Forgive me of my sin. Wash me and cleanse me. Set me free. Jesus, thank You that You died for me. I believe that You are risen from the dead and that You’re coming back again for me. Fill me with the Holy Spirit. Give me a passion for the lost, a hunger for the things of God and a holy boldness to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. I’m saved; I’m born again, I’m forgiven and I’m on my way to Heaven because I have Jesus in my heart.
As a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I tell you today that all of your sins are forgiven. Always remember to run to God and not from God because He loves you and has a great plan for your life.
You are not disposable.
Beep. Boop. I'm a robot.
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Your job now is to be there for your family and friends. Enjoy every day; it’s a gift.
400+ comments on this post and only one specifically mentioning your wife. Multiple comments about your grandkids needing you though.
Find someone to talk to about this transition period in your life. You've moved from a life of work and goals to a period of rest and relaxation. This is a common issue people face as they go into retirement.
I wish I was in a better place for my Wife. She's beautiful inside and out. She's already dealt with her Father's situation and now this. We love each other. It's horrific and disgraceful that I'm even thinking like this.
I feel ya. I am 62. I buried both my parents 4 years ago. That was the last duty I had to perform. I raised my kids. I stayed married to one woman. I went down the road to a job add nasium and I feel like I am done. There is no money for travel or hobbies. I don't know how to have fun because I was always too busy to do that. I have started down the road to old age issues having problems with my feet and legs. Everyone just assumes that I will keep bringing home the bacon. I am not depressed. I just don't have any direction.
there is at least one thing to be achieved. Total Peace, perfect liberation can be achieved here, in this life. Death is redundant. And getting there you can be of immesurable service to those around you.
Everything one can hope to get rid of by dying can be get rid of here, by seeing the Truth.
Go find something to do! Disposable is a bullshit term for a male who has worked and accomplished as much as you have. Go find out what makes you Ted Canuck happy. Congrats on your hard work. Society is better for it, no doubt about that!
You are not disposable. It is not time for you tk share all your wisdom with the younger people in your family. Share your stories, attach meaning and lessons to them. Be explicit. Help your grandchildren learn lessons theyd otherwise miss. This is a marvelous role. Teach them character, integrity, how to laugh, be good to others. All those grear things a grandpa can do.
We are beasts of burden, we are born to carry a load. Find your new load! Your work was a good chunk of your social life, we are social creatures although some more than others. Depending where you live I would recommend joining a mens group or with the magical internet you can find an online group. Read, read and read. There is no reason you can't keep learning, that is what keeps us young. If you're religious join a church community or group. When you stop moving, learning and growing you shrivel up and die. I wish you the best of luck.
It's not fun to watch either. I decided that I'm going to begin to contemplate it every groundhogs day starting at age 65. Don't want to do it too soon as I want to squeeze every drop of joy and meaning out of life. But there's also danger in waiting until it's too late because I cannot be contained, and I cannot be stopped. If I lose my inhibition to dementia, I'm gonna hurt a lot of people bad. Not all at once, but in random unexpected outbursts over the course of decades.
Decided that it's not something that should be undertaken when depressed or upset, but pragmatically, and you're going to make sure your family and friends know, really know it wasn't their fault, and that you're not going to put yourself in a position where you're confused, agitated and kicking a pregnant nurse in the belly at the nursing home.
Anyway you have a family, hobbies, interests, friends, right? If not, get off reddit and work on those things. You don't want your family and friends walking around blaming themselves. You want to be there for your family in their special moments, so if life feels meaningless, then you're probably not doing the right thing and need to try something else.
Have you tried cocaine?
I personally haven't, but I look forward to it when I might be bored of life and need to experience everything I was too scared to try.
🤣😂I tried it once when I was young. I think I was too drunk for it to leave much of an impression. I'm sure I'd like it......for a short while.
Cool, now go live the rest of your life, and don't forget to stop and smell the cocaine roses on all the crazy adventures you are about to embark on. Time to go full YOLO and Carpe Diem the shit out of life.
I don't think anyone is psychologically designed to be married for over 40 years!