Let’s normalize walking away
By - miphasgraceful
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It’s weird, every time I’ve just got up and walked out of a mans life for any reason, they ALWAYS come crawling back and the more I just completely withdraw, they chase me. I really recommend withdrawing and withdrawing FULLY. men are attention hungry and it’s good to treat them as such.
“The phenomena of the circling penises”. They ALWAYS come back.
I am sitting here on a bench by the sea by myself and I am laughing so hard. I want a t-shirt with that.
I want it too. And I loved the picture of you by the sea laughing even though I don’t know how you look like!
Sounds like a Nancy Drew novel 😂
Not the case for me, none of my exes came back :(
But that’s good, it means you can be free of your exes and it makes space for that HVM. It doesn’t feel like it I know but trust me, it’s a good thing.
Me neither. I used to view that as me not being worth fighting for, but after time in therapy, FDS, and a ton of thinking…it’s not about that at all. I ended a couple of relationships for very good, solid reasons. And in all honesty, I wasn’t especially nice about it. I was sick of their shit. I was angry about the way I was treated. Manipulative shitty men don’t like it when they lose their bangmaid, they don’t want to take any accountability for the reasons you end the relationship. They simply decide to move on and find someone that hasn’t learned to see them for what they are yet. And the couple of exes I had that tried to come back were a nightmare to get rid of. You don’t want that side of the spectrum either.
They are exes for a reason. Don’t take them not coming back to mean you’re not worthy of love overall. They’re having sex with women or in a situation you don’t have to deal with.
One of my exes who didn’t come back was having his current girlfriend doing 3sums and other sexual kinks he wanted that I wouldn’t do. I missed him but he wasn’t meant to come back. You’ll be ok. Have hope and keep growing and going.
This is definitely something I’m learning at this very moment. Some people tell me I’m too harsh/strict and should cut people some slack.
The moment I tried to do that a few weeks ago I immediately regretted it. I’m just so exhausted. Why is it so hard for people to act right from the start? Why do they need room to intentionally mess up? And WHYYYY do they expect me to be okay with that?
I’m so over people and blocking + deleting at the first sign of disrespect. I don’t care anymore.
But I really needed this post.
I feel the total opposite way, I feel like they try super hard in the beginning and once they feel like they've 'got' you - everything goes out the window. Romance, caring, putting any emphasis on your needs. It's like the hard part's done and they can stop pretending to be who they aren't.
Yeah there’s also a lot of those out there. I don’t want to be bitter towards men. But it’s soooooo tiring. They’re all different people but keep doing the same fucking thing. WHY?! HOW?! What’s the point?!
They don’t have to put the work in to change, because there’s always a pickme out there willing to put up with their behavior and match their LV energy.
YUP! Sad truth
I don’t either. It’s been my experience in my last two relationships specifically but historically I rush in.
Hate to be a conspiracy theorist but I genuinely feel they consistently fuck up on purpose in the beginning. Maybe every guy thinks he’s invented this tactic, or maybe redpill shit has permeated the mainstream, but so many dudes want to nudge and nudge and see what they can get away with, as early as possible
That’s exactly how I feel! Took the words out of my mouth.
Yep. Met someone I clicked with right away, he was awesome, we felt this deep connection and had 3 weeks of being eachothers best friend before something just felt off. I tried to talk to him about what was up, he ignored my texts and so I sat and took a hard look at all of our interactions then sent him a text telling him it was nice meeting him but that I wasn't interested anymore. The old me would have waited for his reply and his excuse, the FDS me took control. This was just yesterday and I feel fine. FDS has helped me not become attached so quickly, even if someone is doing everything to sweep me off my feet. I keep grounded, where I need to be.
The not getting attached too quickly is crucial and the only way to weed out the love bombers!
Same! FDS has helped me SO MUCH, I could cry. My people pleasing has gotten better, and I blocked my ex, not allowing him to come back with a reply to my breakup text. You want to ignore me for weeks? Go fuck yourself, I don't want an apology. I used to put up with bad, abusive behavior for months/years. Not anymore.
I could have written your post! Glad you’re out of it 🤗
Reading your comment made me feel immensely proud and just warm inside. Women refusing to accept abuse should be the norm. I’m glad you have learned that you’re worth so much more.
Years ago I was on a date with a "scene" guy and he told me what to do .... as in "put your coat back on that top is too revealing"
I told him to piss off and never spoke to him again after that night.... then watched him date two other goth girls I know and be a controlling abusive shit to them.
You get insulted by a dude or "negged" .... walk away
A dude acts bad to you, fails you, doesn't live up to your standards.... walk away.
A dude doesn't put in 100% effort and attention.... walk away.
I want every woman to believe this is normal and correct behavior!
Yes, please! I was taught when I was growing up that we should try anything to fix a bad situation and make it work before giving up. And that has led to men dragging me through the dirt until I lose my self-worth. Every woman in my family is like that and it's an ongoing cycle of abuse that I am breaking!
We must be related. :-/
I’ve got that try-try-try loyalty gene also.
YES YES YES. This is literally what I’m working on with my therapist right now. She says “dating” should never last longer than three months unless you’re at a “FUCK YES.”
I like your therapist!
Thanks for sharing this because it eases my mind about the one thing that bothers me about my relationship.... I've been wondering for a while if my husband and I moved too fast.... but about 4-5 months into dating was when I stopped guarding my heart and *expecting* him to fuckup and considered us to be "In A Relationship" ... it was so much a "Hell Yes!" for me but I was ready to bounce if he didn't act right.
Just asked my dude and he said "I wanted to be in a relationship with you that night we played darts together. Went home and deleted my Tinder and just hoped you actually texted me back the next day when I sent my message"
that’s so cute!! lol i love it. did you guys meet on tinder?
No we met at a weekly hangout I do with my 3 Besties at this awful dive bar we like for the darts and the $5 good IPAs ..... my dude is the nephew of this sweet 10,000 year old man that sometimes us ladies play darts with/hangout with.
He and I might have eventually met anyway though one of his daughters is in my Victorian Tea Society group and he goes to teas with her sometimes.
aw!! what a lovely way to meet (:
I love this advice!
My therapist is the fuggin best
Read Mark Mason’s article called fuck yes or no. Game changer and a great article.
Love this!!! Normalize not letting things slowly spiral. The best advice I’ve ever heard is “if you don’t like something they do early on, walk away because it will only get worse as time passes”.
Walk away at the first sign of disrespect and dishonesty. You get nothing from cashing in on someone’s good intentions and words when their actions show their true motives. Trust your gut, scrotes will set off their stink bombs and scrote grenades once you catch on. Leave and don’t look back. Block everywhere and in real life, and try to learn from this. Choosing yourself and what is best for you should be your main focus. So much can be gained from this.
Yes! Every time I've excused something, it has always come back to bite me.
The first red flags never changed and were always the reasons I ended things.
I agree. The man should keep your attention. If your attention is wondering that's because he's not doing his job. If he's not careful I might just wander off... Have a short attention span (the first year?). Afterwards always be ready to walk if he screws up or you just aren't into it anymore (he's rude, low effort, cheats, the sex nosedives, etc)
A year is very generous, in my opinion. A your attention wanes within three months, for any reason, that seems like a fair enough time to bounce
Oh that's not what I meant. I meant stay really high on your toes for the first year at least. Let him know you're hard to get and you have other options and other interests. Leave whenever it is that he drops the ball or you're not happy or you're tired of the relationship.
Long term I think you always have to keep that element in the relationship. Like we always talk about having your own life your own friends your own interests be busy go out and do things. Don't always be available. Don't cling to them 24/7. Spend time away from them.
Ah I misunderstood, that’s super solid advice ✨
you know this saying? I think it applies to all:
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time.
Never heard this but definitely writing it down in my quote journal to look back on later!
this. also no more benefits of the doubt, and always trusting your intuition! if something doesn’t feel right, even if you can’t pinpoint it exactly, just trust yourself enough to walk away and not try to justify why the other person did/does something.
Normalize looking at guys and deciding "no I wouldn't date him" and sticking to it no matter the pressures.
I just block and delete if I start feeling anxious.
Yes queen!! 👑💜💜
I was too afraid to give up on my last relationship because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings (unfortunately I’m a HSP and can’t handle other people’s emotions because I feel them, and it’s something I am now actively working on for future relationships so I can always choose me). He broke up with me recently, and while it hurt it was also a relief. I didn’t realize how much it was negatively affecting me until my dad and I were talking this morning and he said “You know I know the wound is still fresh but I’ve noticed you seem so much happier now, it’s like the break up took a giant weight off your shoulders”. And he was right. I didn’t realize how much of myself I was giving up just to stay in that relationship.
Run at the first sign of low effort. Run at the first sign of poor conflict resolution. Run if there is ever a moment when you have to ask yourself why you are still in this relationship.
I am taking this time, however long it may be, to work on myself, to work on my self-confidence, and to work on not letting my excessive empathy overtake my world and stop me from doing what is best for me. Choose yourself, always. You are your #1 ally.
Not only are we choosing ourselves and growing in good ways, we’re giving a friend, partner, or family member their own opportunity to level up. Feels like a beautiful thing when society often paints it as “giving up.”