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Number 3 is also gold for weeding out the psycho clingers. I once was talking to a guy (very beginning stages) and didn’t respond for 3 hours because I was in back to back meetings (which is irrelevant, I could have been watching paint dry and still am not obligated to text back ASAP) and he *lost it* and laid out this attempted guilt trip about how he’d “tried to get to know me but apparently I didn’t have time”. Nope, I **don’t** have time for that. I was so glad I didn’t waste unnecessary time on him and he just weeded himself out that quickly. It was very obviously destined to make me go “no, wait come back! I do have time for you!” and instead I blocked him so my phone would stop blowing up and went back to work 😌


This. It is so weird but so common to open a chat thread and find a whole character arc of emotions as they play out a one character drama having responses to my silence and ascribing the other side of an argument to me when I ..,literally just got the message(s?) I come back to a full fight that they had by themselves like they didn’t even need me


Dang, I thought I had it bad with the male "friend" that hadn't texted me in months then after 24 hours of me not replying threw a pity party asking if I was mad at him and to let him know if he shouldn't contact me again. He was so dramatic about it.


Just don’t do what I did in my first relationship and become glued to your phone. I would get in SUCH a bad mood when my shit-at-texting boyfriend wouldn’t respond for an hour. The relationship would’ve died a natural death so much more painlessly if I hadn’t pulled my hair out trying to keep it going.


Yes! Putting distance between yourself and him also is so much better for the mental health!


Oh man I got a funny that just happened to me. Last friday I fell asleep on my couch watching TV, like I often do. I wake up because I hear a text message on my phone. I look and its an old friend of mine who I used to bang casually (pre-FDS) and the text just says "sup." I looked at the time, its 2am. LADIES. HE SENT ME "SUP" AT 2AM. Like AS. IF. I would respond to something like that, at a time like that. Especially when we all know there is EXACTLY ONE reason he would be texting me at 2am to begin with. Not that I would have responded if it was a call or longer text, but seriously? Can you get any lower effort than "sup"? These men got jokes. Stay vigilant out there.


A guy who ghosted me four months ago texted me a few days ago at 3am asking if I was awake. I was, but not for him!


This is really helpful, thanks! One similar thing I do is never be apologetic about a delayed response to his texts. No “sorry, I was at work” or giving a reason or anything like that. I get in the habit of doing that with family and friends since I want them to know that I value our relationship and I’m not just being flakey, but with guys it sends a different message. If I feel the need to give a reason or apology for not texting back sooner it says that I feel like I owe him my time and energy, and I do not. He doesn’t need to know what I’m doing at all times, I’ll reply to him when it’s convenient for me to do so and if he objects or tries to be manipulative I stop interacting and block/delete.


Yes!! I used to have this habit too of apologizing but I’ve mostly broken it. We have no reason to be sorry for being busy (or not) in our lives!


Yup yup yup. Women need to stop over-apologizing and self-doubting in general. As part of my level-up strategy I’ve really been trying to watch my words in terms of this. No more “Sorry for-“, “I apologize if this question/request is silly!!!” etc.


Try replacing the word "sorry" with "thanks". It helps ease the transition if you (like me) feel an itch to say something if you feel you've done wrong. "Sorry to keep you waiting" = "Thanks for waiting" "Sorry I didn't know that" = "Thanks for telling me that" "Sorry for doing XYZ" = "Thanks for talking to me about XYZ" This helps ease you into *just not saying anything at all* which is the end goal. Unless you go out of your way to be an asshole there is zero need for you to apologize, plus men see apologizing as a weakness.


Wow. This is pure gold. I like how you compare these strategies with what a pickme would do; I think that makes it easier to remember what the right way/quantity/length of text is. Great post, thank you!


I made all of these mistakes in my past relationships. Checking my phone for those three dots or the reas receipt. Getting upset when he didn’t respond right away. Getting into fights and heavy discussion novellas over text during the work day. Being completely distracted by my relationship. Yuck


The number of times in my younger years that I would desperately wait for a reply and constantly check my phone and yearn for just a crumb of attention... Sad. This is such a great post and at its core is solid self-respect. It's so easy to let your standards slip and to allow yourself to latch onto low-interest behaviour from a man when you're longing to find someone, but connections formed when you're not at your very best are not going to be good, loving, healthy ones. Excellent advice!


I learned a few of these intuitively in a bad relationship. They definitely work. Bookmarking this one, thanks for the tips!


“You have a life, LIVE IT.” So beautifully said, sis. Great post!


THANK YOU! Especially point 7 is so annoying. He was interested, he wanted to text and now he's not making any effort to keep the conversation alive? No, thanks. I'm not gonna feign interest to stroke his ego.


I am cringing at the number of times I broke #5 in the past. Oof. This a great list.


Thanks for this content! Even though I’m married, I find guides like this incredibly useful for vetting everyone in my life—number 3 for instance sounds a lot like the process I had to go through setting boundaries with my family.


Oh Ma Gawd!!! This is what I practice and I get called out by my friends for my “cruel” behaviour. I’m so glad FDS and I are on the same page. If it’s been 2 days I just unmatch with him and call it a lost cause. No need for closure 🤡 or an explanation. I have guys lined up at my beck and call 😂 don’t play games with me. Never text a guy during work, always do it after work. You’re losing money over him! Also, if he calls you and you’re in bed for sure it’s a booty call. Don’t be his toy. A guy once told me that he was going to play video games and that he will get back to me “when he can”, and I was like me too! I went shopping and I read book that day while he sent me a strings of texts messages asking me where I was lol Till this day, I haven’t told him where I was…🥴😉


Oh my god 🤣🤣 some men really are expecting us to be ready and eager to text them!


They think that we’re their servants when owe them nothing.


Great advices. My ex of 6 years ghosted me, and when I asked why he wouldn't talk to me for two weeks, he said that I didn't either. And asked me why *I* ghosted him?!


lol I would complain to my LVX that he did that and he couldn't care less. One day I spent the whole day not starting a text conversation and he LOST IT saying that I was ignoring him. I simply said "ignoring messages you DIDN'T send me?" wow that relationship sucked


Love this, another thing. Have boundaries on the phone, have certain topics you won’t discuss on the phone so you can protect yourself


I blocked and deleted a guy last week for how he was coming across in texts. He seemed fine in real life but was very pushy in texts. I said I go to bed at 8.30 or 9pm and he always texted after this time. On the night I blocked him he pushed to have a phonecall after 8.30. He came across as woke but betrayed himself with poor text etiquette.


He knew and he choose to push, good fucking riddance.


Love this! I came across this just after a guy last night (who I had been talking to a for a week on an app) asked me if there was a reason I didn't respond much. I was responding 2-3 times a day. I felt the need (pre FDS) to apologize but told him Im a PA to 10 people and they come first during working hours. Then he said he had been hurt before and in the same sentence asked if I would be up for suggestive and flirty texts. Felt like politely saying no thanks but I ended up just unmatching him. I would never have done this pre FDS and instead just sat there aplogising and feeling uncomfortable.


Excellent post! Very thorough, clear, and accurate. This is such good advice and I wish I had read it years ago and not figured things out the hard way. I can think of one pre FDS relationship where I screwed up most of the above recommendations. 🤦‍♀️


I usually just put on silent my personal phone, when I don't want to communicate- work, time for me, etc. I have removed light and sound notifications as well for all apps. Works like a charm.


Thanks for the valuable advice. This should be in the handbook.


Okay where was this back in January when a girl really needed it? So glad this has been posted now though, so I can at least start correcting how I've been viewing texting with potential dates and better filter out the LVM that only want to hit and dip! I know I deserve better than that, and I've been struggling with how best to align my intentions behind what I'm attracting cause right now it honestly feels more like I'm getting pretend "men" who present this facade of being what I'm looking for and then within 5 messages it's "got snap?" 😒


I need a "How to date like a queen" my true queen ! Thank you for all the usefull tips !!


Check out the Handbook, there's already lots of tips for dates. What specifically you need help on?


I don't know how to act... Sometimes I feel like I'm too much or not enough... My therapist told me that I'm a good person so I deserved to be the center of attention but I like to be impressed by my partner (if my date became it). So I'm kind of lost... Thank you for your answer !!


Sounds like you need to work on your self-confidence. Ask the therapist for ways to build up your confidence, strategies, tips, worksheets, etc. Being the center of attention and liking to be impressed by a partner are fully compatible. Let your date woo you, spoil you, murmur you sweet words, impress you. Lay back and let him lead the dance, and you accompany him. Personnally I especially like to do affirmations about stuff I'm less secure about. Like, per example, if I have difficulty making my voice clear and assertive, I repeat to myself "I talk clearly, precisely, methodically and assertively. Everyone understands me and I'm heard and understood." Do those affirmations when you're alone in the car, say them loud, in a confident voice. Repeat as much as possible, thinking about every single word, and absorbing it in. You're teaching your mind those affirmations.


Thank you for all your good advice ! It helps a lot !


See I do this naturally (as in it's not a concerted effort, this is just the way I am), but the problem is that then men think I'm not interested. This is not meant to diminish this post, just discussing.


Had the same thing happening to me


This is the only way to do it. Thank you!


How sad that we have to play these games, no? 😞


This is soooo helpful. I specifically was searching for a guide as I'm back to dating. Thank you so much!