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I know it's recommended all the time but 'Why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft really opened my eyes.
My ex was never physically abusive so I didn't think that book would apply to me. But Bancroft talks a lot about narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse and codependency too.
I found it useful to read, as learning about all the different types of abuse and abusers made it easier to pinpoint what kinds of abuse I was subject to and (hopefully) easier to recognise in the future. It also helped me realise that the abuse I suffered was real and that it came from a similar place as physical abuse (male socialisation, values, etc). It was very validating.
Thank you for this! It's on my short list, but like you, I thought it wouldn't apply to her situation. It definitely sounds like something she'll benefit from.
Second this. One of the best books I ever read.
Since Lundy was already recommended, I might suggest All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks. You can read the synopsis on Wikipedia and find a free pdf if you search the title and “pdf” on Google. I really like how it talks about the hopefulness of love, building love outside romantic love. I haven’t reread it with my new FDS lens, but it meant a lot to me a few years back.
You'll have to buy a hard copy, but "Why do I think I am Nothing without a Man?" Is an excellent read on how to deprogram and decenter men from your life. Its really great for an older women who was born under even more patriarchal bullsh*t. It helped me to understand the pressures and brainwashing women get from birth to get a man to so we won't "feel empty" or have a "void" inside.
Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life by Tracey Schorn. Not to presume your mom was cheated on, but the book focuses on leaving a narcissistic partner and how to protect yourself on the way out. Her blog Chump Lady is also incredibly helpful.
Second this, it’s also hilarious so a cathartic read
I’m a bit confused by the last sentence of your comment. What kind of tv shows and movies to do watch to wind down?
“If he’s so great why do I feel so bad “
By Avery Neal.
This book changed my life. Cannot recommend enough!!
Women who love too much by Robin Norwood
If you check out our wiki and handbook there are book recommendations. It's in the about section. Thank you.
I did look, that's where I got the Codependent one. I'll look again and do some more deep dives into the reviews of them.
Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie helped me a lot.