T O P

Passive communication; She was raped vs He raped her. Which do you hear more often? Why?

Passive communication; She was raped vs He raped her. Which do you hear more often? Why?

AutoModerator

**[1]** - We Just Launched a Website: [wwww.TheFemaleDatingStrategy.com](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/). Click [here](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/become-a-verified-member/) for registration information. Please also join our [Twitter](https://twitter.com/FemDatStrat) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/_thefemaledatingstrategy/?hl=en) Pages for updates! **[2]** - Please read the [FDS Handbook](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_the_fds_handbook) and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/index) before commenting. **Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.** **[3]** - Please **REPORT** any comments that do not follow the sub rules. **If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.** **[4]** - **PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION** from images (**Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc**). Failure to remove ID info will result in a **1-2** day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban. **[5]** - This sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleDatingStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*


calico_moon

Saying 'she was raped' makes it *her* issue, something for her to deal with. The thing is, rape isn't fully just a 'women's issue', it's actually a men's issue. Men do the raping, it's men who need to change, men who need to fix it, men who need to work on it. Rape is something that happens to women, it's not our fault. It really is a men's issue, but men will never see it that way. It's the same old every woman knows a woman who has or has herself been raped, but no man knows/is a rapist. Men will never admit that rape is a men's issue, let alone do anything to fix it.


sarahbae03

Very good point. It's a mens issue and woman are the victims.


Lost_Kale90

This is SO true. Rape is a men's issue. But I never hear it talked about that way in society, the onus is always on women.


QueenShakee

Men never blame themselves as a whole. That's why they can't get past us mocking "not all men". Their entire moral worldview is built on denying responsibility for their actions and deflecting, ignoring, silencing, or resisting the social forces that cause things like rape. ALL men encourage the toxic outlooks towards women that lead them to rape. ALL men perpetuate and reproduce violent masculinity. ALL men refuse to accept responsibility for the actions of others that are encouraged by their influences. And therefore, ALL men CAUSE rape to happen. YES. ALL MEN RAPE.


DrildoBagurren

Yep the passive voice and labelling r*pe and sexual assault as "women's issues" allows men to step out of the conversation and largely ignore it. They get to think along the lines of "well I personally haven't done any of these things so therefore I get to remain complacent and let women talk about it amongst themselves" as if that solves anything at all.


calico_moon

Yes! This is exactly what I was trying to say but I think you said it way better.


Mcccy

I never realised that. If you think about it "she was raped" sounds like a punishment SHE caused cause she wasn't careful enough, victim blaming at its finest..


Big-Respond8481

She was raped" makes the victim known, identifies the victim and points the finger towards them. Meanwhile it makes the rapist anonymous, which excuses mens actions- "we did not make an effort to identify this mysterious rapist-person, I am sorry, I cannot help you".


haunted_vcr

This! Their gross mug should get plastered on all the local newscasts.


VictoriaSobocki

But sometimes they don’t know who the rapist is.


Big-Respond8481

That is true, but i meant it more like this: "She was raped" describes the victim, in this case, a woman. But there is no info on the rapist. Who raped her? A tree? A park bench? A mysterious magical force that pops in and out of existance randomly? No it was most likley a man who was responsible for this action. Even if the rapist is unknown, the sex of the rapist is most often identifyable.


[deleted]

I was watching a show and one of the characters who was a lawyer said something like ‘When someone reports a robbery or a car jacking no one thinks they are lying about it, but rape is the only crime where the victims are frequently told they are lying about being assaulted. No one says someone is lying about being burglarised but they will say that someone is lying about being raped’ This made me think and I was like ‘Yeah, I never heard of someone being accused of lying when they report a burglary.’ Really makes you realise how the patriarch operates in the justice system.


dahliaukifune

I was accused of lying by a male policeman when I reported the theft of my smartphone u_u He really wanted me to forget about it or there would be consequences once he proved it wasn’t true. But it fucking was :(


VictoriaSobocki

But that’s also because some people gain from lying. Eg they ruin someone’s life (an enemy) or get a lot of attention and possibly money. People can also do this with regards to insurance scamming


whiskey_and_oreos

We always hear passive language. "A woman was assaulted/raped in a park" by what, a tree? A bench? It makes the event sound like a totally random occurrence that happens once every 78 times a woman sits on a specific bench or something. It makes the woman the subject of the discussion and perpetuates fear because it can happen at any time to anyone and victim blames her for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. They ignore the part where she was being stalked by an ex for six months and reported it a dozen times. We even hear the same thing with "pedestrian struck by car." Why is the result the headline? We need to consciously reword it to "a man assaulted a woman" or even better "a man assaulted a person/victim" and leave the woman out of it. The man committed the act and should be the main subject.


sarahbae03

I completely agree and love the example of the possible tree having committed the rape. Really people?


WafflesTheDuck

I just saw a comment where her totally thought that that the mass amounts of missing indigenous women in canada just ran away and killed themselves. Like, all of them. No explanation behind why anyone would do that. He just couldn't handle it.


lostmillenia

I will start speaking like this. By the way ladies, a client of mine today was an FDSer in the wild. If that was you, Im so happy!


riseaboveagain

That would have totally filled my day with happy energy


_RustInPiece_

You are absolutely right about this. From now on I'm going to use active communication to address the issue. ~~I was assaulted.~~ \-> A man assaulted me. Or: A woman assaulted me. (Yes, there are NVW out there who assault other women.) Regardless, we have to shift the focus towards the perpetrator to hold them accountable.


cutiebranch

As a side note, and I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I hate when rape victims are called “survivors” instead of “victims” “Survivor” in just about every area is what you’re called when things are completely out of anyones control. Cancer survivor. Flood survivor, etc. People who are shot are the victims of a shooting. People who are mugged are the victims of a mugging. But victims of a rape are “survivors” Why? A “victim” implies a perpetrator, while “survivor” does not. This terminology also removes the rapist from the situation and makes it “she was raped” And I know many victims do this themselves, but if you ask why it’s because they don’t want to “be a victim”. But you were. But that’s not your sole defining characteristic and would not be for any other crime. You were a victim of a crime and there was a perpetrator of that crime.


[deleted]

I used to think the general preference for "she was raped" was just because of misogyny, but now I wonder whether it may also partly be an attempt to talk about male sexual violence against women without having to constantly manage the shitfits -- social, legal, physical, and otherwise -- that men throw whenever anyone tries to hold them accountable for the violence they commit.


Big-Respond8481

I think that too, but unfortunately this is a reflection of misogyny and therefore happening BECAUSE of misogyny. We must still be truly backwards if a the journalist of a newspaper actually gets more hate massages because they wrote "a man raped a girl at the park"


sarahbae03

Could you please explain what you mean by managing the shitfits? I'm having trouble understanding.


[deleted]

In my personal life, I've observed multiple men who have sexually abused women and girls start or intensify harassment against their victims for speaking out (in one case, the rapist, who was a serial predator, put up posters of his victim with her dox in a bad area of town). I have also seen multiple men sue people and organizations who declined to continue working with them due to the men's unacceptable sexual behavior coming to light.


sarahbae03

Thank you for clarifying. Unfortunately everything you say is at best something I've heard done to woman and at worst something I have personally endured. I'm willing to bet most every woman has had to deal with men intimidating them and hurting them to force their silence or to punish them for speaking out. It's enough to drive one mad.


Lost_Kale90

I always thought "he raped her" gave power to the rapist. And "she was raped" gave more focus to the victim. Like he took something as opposed to something was taken from her. It's unfortunate though because going around saying "she was assaulted", in addition to making it sound like the fault is on the women like you mentioned, makes it seem like women just walk around and magically get assaulted. No, men assault. Men rape.


discochicken87

A co worker groped me, my husband brings it up occasionally as me letting another guy feel me up because I didn't stop him.


sarahbae03

I'm so sorry you have had to endure two abuses, that being your co-workers physical assault and your husband's repeated shameful disrespect. You don't deserve to be treated so poorly. No woman does.


VictoriaSobocki

Wtf


DallasM19

She was raped - blame shift. Every time. See also: Underage woman sexually assaulted (a child was raped). They always to tidy it up to make sure the poor man isn't blamed to harshly, we can't have that can we, with under 1% of rapes actually being convicted/s So sick of this world.


VictoriaSobocki

I think it’s just easier to broadcast on the news/online where you don’t have many letters. Like eg “Princess Diana raped” is faster to read than “X X raped Diana”


sarahbae03

That sounds like a cop out. Can you imagine the men in charge of media coverage leaving out the name of the woman who raped Prince Charles? Nah. Whenever a woman commits a news worthy crime there is clarification in order to exonerate men and vilify woman. It needs to be noted when its NOT a man whereas crimes committed by men simply happen. It's so common it doesn't even need to be pointed out but media companies still try to keep it on the down low by simply stating that it happened. Try to pick out instances in the news where you don't have to dig for the gender of the criminal then tally up how many of those are woman.


VictoriaSobocki

Hmm. Okay, I guess you’re right. Yeah. But with regards to the male crime, I think it’s just so common, that maybe it’s self evident - you wouldn’t write “water (a wet substance) spilled on the table” you’d just write “water spilled on the table”.