T O P
doing-my-best-14

I AGREEEEE!! haha. I feel this exact same way. My best relationships have all been with fellow 4s. There’s just a tenderness and mutual understanding of the feels that engenders such intimacy. It felt like home. Dating other types, I’ve felt like my deep relational need to feel seen/understood has gone unmet.


jacfalcon

YES. The last girl I really liked was a Four, and I described it as exactly that: feeling like I was home.


BullishRoses

Where does one meet other 4s? I don't believe I've ever met anyone that made me feel like I was home.


doing-my-best-14

Ha, i feel you. I met one on a dating app, and one by chance in the world. I think the reason the dating app thing worked out for me in that case is because I was SO specific about what I was looking for — I would only go on dates with people who had written lengthy profiles and in some way mused about life in a deep way (aka, seemed to have a rich emotional world.) It seems this approach yields some 4s.


BullishRoses

Nice! Funny you should mention dating apps - in true 4 fashion after I logged off Reddit instead of calling it a night I went and downloaded every dating app I could find so I could test those waters. I guess a person worth knowing is a person worth looking for. Thanks for the tip!


aaphelion

Dating another 4 is too intense and explosive in my opinion. It always feels like you'll make a bunch of great art together, but I feel like that's rare. Instead, for me at least, it mostly felt like we were in one another's way. I'm dating a 9 now and she's the best. She's so thoughtful and supportive. It's great. For the record I happened to think that this particular 9 is exceptional, and my feelings certainly go way beyond the Enneagram. But I think that 9 energy is really good for 4s. I feel like this is a pattern I've seen in a lot of 4s that I'm happy to be continuing. Find a great 9 as soon as possible!


jacfalcon

I will say I do seem to be a 9 magnet and love them. But I have a hard time when the wing 8 comes out. I think I'm probably better with a 9w1, though I still long for the 4. I'm not thinking about doing art, so much as just sharing similar music and movie tastes and perceptions, among other things.


lauriebeth4

I dated a 4. We ended up being too much in our own worlds to grow together. I married an 8. I feel like the authenticity and passion/intensity of 8s pair well with 4s.


jacfalcon

I have a very hard time with 8s. Are you Sp, So, or Sx? I'm a rather tender and gentle Sx.


lauriebeth4

So!


leapwolf

My husband is a four and I’m an eight! Such a great pairing.


xDrewstroyerx

Dated some 4s, got messy always. Married a 9, and that relationship continues to be the best.


aaphelion

Agreed!


[deleted]

I'm married to a 1 lol


Fickle_S

How does that work out ?


teejsong

Hence the “lol” at the end


Sour_Spy

Yeah i have a really hard time connecting to people like feeling that closeness to them because honestly i feel like they aren't good enough or emotionally fulfilling/emotionally intelligent enough, that's why most of my relationships have been just sexual and mistaken as Romantic(not by me tho i already know if a partner will work out for me or not from the first few chats)


jacfalcon

I'm the same. Only met the first person I felt I could marry at 31. I used to think I was crazy for thinking so quickly I was incompatible with someone, but it became blaringly obvious every time I pursued anyways.


Sour_Spy

I think that's one of the pros of being a 4 we can immediately Tell what the Connection's authenticity/Strength is


PiscesPoet

You are me. I am you. I enjoy physical intimacy but never had that emotional intimacy with a partner, just chemistry


Sour_Spy

Ayy a water sign too, I'm a ♋🦀


PiscesPoet

Aww, I tend to vibe with Cancers so not surprised 💛 Y’all are such sweethearts


TheFallenMoons

I am with a 5 with serious 4ish tendencies, and while the problem would be we don’t really help each other grow out of our tendencies, it’s a good match. We do argue sometimes, but we are very understanding of each other and our worst tendencies. There is a good level of intensity, too. Unlike many 4, I am not attracted to 9, while the contrary tends to be true. Probably it also was about the 9 I knew, but they can be sticky, submissive with passive-aggressive tendencies and these are flaws that tend to repel me.


hasnolifebutmusic

also partnered with a 5 whom i suspect oscillates between his 4&6 wings. when it’s good it’s great, however i’ve also found that when we’re not on the same page it can feel SO out of wack. like we’re worlds apart. and while i agree with you that we don’t really “help” eachother grow out of our tendencies, if & when we put in serious work with outside support we grow SO much.


[deleted]

I feel the same way. I feel pretty alone except for when I’m around other 4s honestly.


Successful_Film_1041

I was with a 7. The chemistry is definitely there, it's fun and intense but hard to connect emotionally. They're not that open, so that annoyed me a bit. But they'll definitely listen to you ramble on and remember what you said.


jacfalcon

I'd rather the emotional connection than ramble tolerance, but remembering what I said is appealing, haha


[deleted]

Ugh, I don't know, I wonder a lot about how we find someone that can connect with deeply. I dated a 5 and it grew to be really difficult to feel connected. I've never dated a 4, but I can imagine it might be wonderful.


Mork978

So there's something that happens to me, and idk why it's not a trend among other 4s. I have this internal belief that i am *too special* for love, *too special* to fit into any kind of relationship. So i end up always refusing to be into relationships. I know it's bs, but it's hard to erase this belief. Does anyone also have this?


doing-my-best-14

haha, wow, i never thought about it exactly, but i relate to this. i've been single for the vast majority of my life, and while i spent most of my 20s consciously pining for deep intimate relationship, i think honestly this whole time i really felt most comfortable and most in-my-element as a single person. no one has felt "good enough" to really commit to and settle down with. i've tried with a few, but except for a few romantic honeymoon phases full of idealization of the other person, it has quickly become clear to me that i'd way prefer my solitude over the limp emotional connection i feel with most people. i'd rather just revel in my own extraordinariness. i imagine that sounds arrogant when i say that, but it actually just feels honest and simple and true. i love being with my special self. \*shrug\*


TheFallenMoons

Same type (except for tritype) and it used to be very difficult for me too. Not really that I formally thought I was too special but the result was the same. I thought I was doomed, I really wanted to be in a relationship but this relationship had to be meaningful. And I couldn’t find someone suitable, or when I had a crush (these are usually very intense), I wouldn’t want to go with anyone else. But finally now I’ve been in a relationship with one of these crushes for several years.


mowadep

The fear of being cheated on is so great with me I would never presue anyone unless they asked me out first. Its just to clear the air on intent cause the alternative is too devastating


miiomin

not so sure where to begin w but im a 4w5 sp/sx! i can def relate to you wanting to connect with someone who are deep in touch with their inner world. i think it may be that you like someone similar to you? so that youd feel understood, and be able to share your insights about various deep topics. i think it indeed is your sx seeking for the intensity in relationships hence a 4 partner is what you yearn for; my sx can relate on this. which is why i think i like and enjoy the presence of 8s as well, since the energy they give off is similar to the intensity of a 4. but at the same time as a sp dom, someone like a 9 reassures me and gives me space to breathe


PiscesPoet

Yeah I think that’s why I have hard time really connecting with any of the guys I dated. I never really thought about it. I have friends that I’m guessing aren’t type 4s tho. However when it comes to romantic relationships — It feels like our chemistry is always superficial. It’d be cool to meet a guy who was a 4 or just quirky like me (but preferable more emotionally expressive)


jacfalcon

I'm a 4w5 ENTP and I met a 4w5 INFJ recently (not knowing her type, nor about MBTI Golden Pairs) and I'd never clicked with anyone like that in my life 😳


PiscesPoet

Yeah, I think the people I click with in real life or had chemistry with were not 4s. The chemistry doesn’t last the more we get to know each other. How did you meet your 4?


jacfalcon

Just happened upon them through social media. Sadly, things fell apart, but it at least gave me hope that there might be more connections like that out there.


TheEmbiggening

I have no experience dating as I’ve only been with one partner my whole adult life. Still am. But I certainly think this pertains to friendships as well. The only other 4 I’ve ever befriended seems to be on the same exact wavelength as me. Everyone else is just too normal, lol.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheEmbiggening

She is ISFP type 9. I guess she’s an exception to what I explained above.


TattedUpSimba

I’ve never dated a 4 before. Not sure it would work. I both think we’d be too high maintenance for each other lol. I’ve found myself attracted to 6’s. Not like I actually ask them. I just end up learning that they are


littleghost88

I also tend to be drawn to 6 and 9 personalities in both friendships and romantically for whatever reason just something iv recently noticed


aaphelion

Dating another 4 is too intense and explosive in my opinion. It always feels like you'll make a bunch of great art together, but I feel like that's rare. Instead, for me at least, it mostly felt like we were in one another's way. I'm dating a 9 now and she's the best. She's so thoughtful and supportive. It's great. I feel like this is a pattern I've seen in a lot of 4s that I'm happy to be continuing. Find a great 9 as soon as possible!