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flyhmstr

One for the person shopping to eat on the way home and then one each (assuming a family of four) when they get home Ideally the seal should close without showing any damage but we can’t have everything


BigOrkWaaagh

This is 100% the correct answer. "oh man not again! It said 5 on the packet!"


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EgotisticalSlug

woah there satan


Tariovic

I have a mental picture of someone sucking on a tube in the doughnut as if siphoning petrol, thumb on the end once it's going, stick it in the bonus doughnut...


RampantDragon

"stick it in the bonus doughnut" My new motto.


RunawayPenguin89

Replace it with Mayo, Horseradish or Mint sauce before leaving it in the work canteen


interfail

If you're going that far, may as well go full toothpaste.


RambuDev

Colman’s surely


Rocketfinger

"The filling hole" The jam anus, if you will


Pearcey606

I will not! 😂


Mindless_wisd0m

The strawberry sphincter, if you'd prefer?


tofer85

Why oh why would you want to feltch a doughnut?


vaekar

Or just buy a pack of donuts for under a quid mate


mekkanik

🤢


carter737

That’s some crazy fat stuff right there 😂


UncleSnowstorm

The packets should really say "4😉 Jam Doughnuts"


finger_milk

Ah yes a baker's quartet


Gisschace

Used to live approximately 1 minute walk from an M&S food shop, my other half would manage to eat one in that time


Llama-Bear

Just one? Amateur hour over here.


Gisschace

One would be going into his mouth as soon as he got back, then we'd have one each together, ending up with us both eyeing the last one between us. Like a dog he'd forget about the two he'd eaten before we both had one, so would try and argue the last one was for him too.


Llama-Bear

Okay I take that back, that’s positively savage.


doncroak

Not like a dog. More like a professional glutton. I know because I Am one.


bitch_whip_bill

I assume they meant 1 packet


Jbutlr90

Those are rookie numbers!


andyhill2687

I once ate a 5 pack of toffee apple doughnuts in the 3 minuet drive from the supermarket to my place of work. They where intended for my small team and so I had to pretend I'd forgotten to buy them.


D3LB0Y

‘Out of stock again, some fat bastard keeps eating them’


Naive_Grape_6755

Lmao


randypriest

There was a shop not even 5 minutes walk from my college that kept doing deals on Jaffa Cakes. Many packets were finished in that time before returning for afternoon lectures.


andyhill2687

With Jaffa cakes I skip half moon and crescent moon and just skip straight to total eclipse!


Frontpage_Cleanup

Hijacking the top comment to ask a question that's been bugging me for a while. There is such a small window in which the supermarket doughnuts are actually nice, usually within an hour or two of them being baked. Then often they get really soggy and gross, basically wet, and by the end of the day theyve gone stale. Who is buying these disgusting soggy/stale doughnuts and why? Why do all the supermarkets keep putting out gross wet doughnuts? Similarly who is buying those boxes of gross wet Krispy Kreme bites and why is that allowed to happen from a purely brand quality perspective? Actually while I'm thinking about it why did all the supermarkets discontinue their chocolate ball doughnuts? There used to be jam, custard AND chocolate options...


goldman459

You can make fantastic bread and butter pudding using stale donuts. Great value when Morrisons are flogging them off for 10p a sleeve!


triceratopping

Morrison's jam doughnuts are like pizza; even when they're bad, they're still pretty good.


mobro88

I work at a morrisons and can confirm this is what we aim for. Delicious shit doughnuts


LifelessLewis

I enjoy going near closing as they're usually marked down to like 10p for a pack.


Global-Technician990

I like to think there’s a motivational poster in the bakery in the back of Morrison’s: Think Delicious. Think Shit. Think Donuts. That’s what we aim for!


Arfur_Sixpence

Thanks for the tip. Never thought of that :-)


theModge

That is a great TIL, stored in the memory for when I next get time for home-made deserts (less often with an 8month old, but it I will do it)


IndelibleIguana

Microwave a stale donut for 5 seconds and it gives it a few minutes of being soft again.


Rich_27-

Any longer than that and you get lava as the filling


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ihatefriedchickens

Yessss! Everwhere has stopped doing them .


Global-Technician990

Excellent use of the word coward!


shell361

Hate to be the one to tell you this but they're pre baked and frozen all the supermarkets do is defrost them and roll them in sugar thats why they're a soggy mess half the time.


OverlordOfTheBeans

They come in frozen, mate... I used to work for Asda. They don't bake a damned thing other than the bread. And even that comes in frozen pre made dough form.


Frontpage_Cleanup

Yeh I know they don't make the dough or whatever in store, and I actually don't know about Asda as there isn't one near me, but the Tesco's and Sainsbury's near me definitely 'finish off' the doughnuts in an oven and they come out warm and fresh and sometimes a bit crispy. Maybe in my head I'm mixing up big and small supermarkets that do and don't have an actual bakery section, where the big ones heat them up and they go stale, while the small ones just let them defrost and they get wet and gross. If that's the case that just begs more questions as to how those consistently and inevitably wet and gross doughnuts are considered acceptable.


0james0

This is like finding out santa isn't real. I'm heart broken. The guys in the bakery bit wear Baker clothes too! Such a lie


AshFraxinusEps

I find it depends. I personally much prefer Sainsburys, as they tend to stay a bit fresher and have the right sugar (granulated). Asda has bad dough and icing sugar, which makes them soggy, and Tesco has granulated but seems they go more soggy too


InncnceDstryr

Or one for me on the way home. 2 each for me and the wife then when the wife can’t manage a 2nd, an extra one for me.


The_World_of_Ben

Oddly specific


DonkeyOT65

Because 4 would not quite be enough - and 6 would be ridiculous. Hope this helps.


roses369

Lmfao “hope this helps”


protectionfromwhat

Full on sarcastic facebook vibes, i used to love putting this on the community pges for dumb questions “When does asda shut today?” “Google exists, hope this helps”


bitch_whip_bill

Every little helps


PizzaPlaceGirl

That's tesco. You can find Asdas one on Google though. Hope this helps!


OneChilli

That's Asda price! Ding ding!


BobsYerUncle90

“Hope this helps”. Are you Mike LUHG fella?


joobafob

6 doughnuts? *6?* That's insane.


V65Pilot

Back home we buy them in singles, by the box of 6, or box of 12. I mean, you *could* buy 5 if you wanted, but that would defeat the price break at 6. Hell, we have people wandering in off the streets selling boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts at your work(it's a fund raising thing for groups etc)


citalopromnight

Thanks John shuttleworth


a-dragon-reborn

> It's not divisible by anything You're so close to the answer...think about it mate, if you can't fairly distribute your cheap bag of 5 donuts between your family what are you going to do...


ToffeeMunchAndCrunch

Buy 4 packets so everyone gets 5.


MarkG1

This is the correct answer.


donteatmyshoe

No, everyone doesn't get 5, they get 2 each and 12 for me


LegendGamer11

This is the way


bozwold

Your logic is impeccable


ErmahgerdPerngwens

I snorted and woke my baby up, thanks for the laugh


Xenc

You shouldn’t be doing that around a baby! 👮‍♂️


ErmahgerdPerngwens

How else will I get everything done around the house? Sleep when baby sleeps, fold laundry when baby folds laundry…


WobblyCow

You're probably joking, but that is seriously what I would do.


ToffeeMunchAndCrunch

I don't joke when it comes to doughnuts.


weegosan

Also see: magnum and other 'premium' stick ice creams in 3s


canyonstom

It's not just these, it's basically everything packaged, 6 or 12 packs of crisps, 8 slices of ham, 9 crumpets...they're all packaged to not be easily divisible so you have to buy more.


Loose_Acanthaceae201

It is enraging when stuff most people use daily and buy weekly doesn't come in multiples of seven. 12 pouches of catfood in a box. WHY?!


Skellioceratops

All of those options are easily divisible tho? 3 packs and 5 packs are the issue


T5-R

Well, eating 4 would just seem downright greedy.


WoodSteelStone

Mush them into one mega sharing-doughnut, hand out forks and shout *"on your marks, get set, GO!"*?


_Neurox_

Please run a parenting class, this is the best solution in the thread by a mile.


tofer85

The quick and the hungry/disappointed…


neukStari

Are you implying its an excuse for sex?


a-dragon-reborn

You're going to need to show your working there.


Electrozaptits

How else would you turn a family of four into a family of five?


interfail

Adoption. Think of the children, jesus.


Electrozaptits

I'm not Jesus. I think he lives in Spain


skag_mcmuffin

Buy...less?


somethatwander

Eat them all yourself


glitterswirl

Have another child so you are a family of five?


nbrnay

Because 5 is the maximum amount I can eat before I really start to hate myself. Love me a custard donut 6-way


pkscff

When you know that you shouldn't have gotten these in the first place but now that you have, you should definitely stop after 1 or 2... but you have all of them anyway and then take a nap.


nbrnay

Also, if they're Yellow Sticker, less price = less calories. Everyone knows that.


cosmicspaceowl

While we're lying to ourselves let's also remember that jam = fruit = one of your 5 a day.


nbrnay

I like the cut of your jib


EveryDayIsFine

Calories have a short half-life when on the shelf and exposed to the environment.


nbrnay

Food is calorie free when A) Someone else pays B) Its from yesterday, I.E yesterdays calories so they don't count Yes my BMI is high why do you ask.


WalksWithFrenchie

All the calories fall out of broken biscuits 😁


thedonkeyman

My rules are: 1. The liquid of soup has no calories 2. Ice cream is frozen soup I love ice cream, and it's healthy too!


Defiant-Table-9131

Food is also calorie free when it belongs to someone else. Technically the calories still belong to them too.


Various-Article8859

Don't forget that salad has negative calories. That's why all fast food burgers contain lettuce and tomato.


Onlywayisthrough

Also, if you eat them standing up or walking their calorific value doesn't count. Somehow.


Various-Article8859

And if you tear one in half some of the calories fall out.


pkscff

Nah, yellow sticker = almost stale. Pay the full price, it's like 60p or something. Treat yourself a bit, it's much better than to feel guilty over something you didn't enjoy in the first place.


nbrnay

alright moneybags!


DoKtor2quid

microwave for 10 seconds and becomes magically unstale. Also lip blisters.


EveryDayIsFine

The roof of your mouth gets blasted with a scalding hot jet of lava jam…


mooders

Stale dougnuts give me an excuse to make a jam doughnut bread and butter pudding. Make bread and butter pudding in the usual way, but replace the bread with torn up chunks of stale jam doughnut. Why yes, I actually do answer to the name of "fat bastard". Why do you ask?


Environmental-Ad2376

15 seconds in the microwave as good as new


Princess_Limpet

Wow I’m in this comment and I don’t like it.


EveryDayIsFine

Creampie orgy?


nbrnay

Not right now, but ask me again later.


ThatCatSage

I’m from a family of five and we loved it because a lot of things come in packs of four! No idea how/why it was decided to make the pack number but interested to see if anyone does know.


iredditfrommytill

Can we get your views on the Magnum 3 pack conundrum?


Kai420

For a family of 5? The person shopping buys 2 packs, then eats 1 of the Magnums before making it to the freezer. What other option is there?


njoshua326

It actually works out better this way.


unsinkable88

You could leave it in the freezer. From reading these comments it seems like everyone has to eat all their food as soon as they get home lol


Kai420

BLASPHEMY!


WoodSteelStone

Three get a condom each and the other one uses a small freezer bag?


Possiblyreef

2 adults and the favourite child


bozwold

Bakers half doze


WobblyCow

That would be 6.5.


bozwold

Not without the N


WobblyCow

Arrr I get it. Assumed it was a typo.


Realistic-Eye6539

What kind of psychopath cuts a doughnut in half? Whoever buys the pack is entitled to the extra doughnut.


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littleyellowdiary

Have you also seen the phenomena when no one wants to be the person to take the last piece of something, so everyone politely cuts the last bit in half, then in half again, and then again, so you are left with the tiniest and saddest crumb of cake or brownie etc known to man


Top_Distribution_693

One day I the last one and holy shit did I disrupt the social hierarchy of the staffroom. In an instant, I was fiercely feared and greatly respected. A room would fall silent in my presence. The manager didn't know whether to fire me or fuck me. Best to just cut that shit in half until it's busted to smithereens. Was it worth it? I don't know. But one thing is for sure: it was a wild ride.


V65Pilot

True story: I once went to a function, and the dessert table had this selection of Krispy Kreme donuts, that had each been cut into eighths. I'm not ashamed to admit that I filled a bowl and headed to the chocolate fountain.


superclassysalmon

this annoys the hell out of me. It’s as if they do it to appear better in other people’s eyes? Just eat the donut, no one cares either way.


concretepigeon

Or they genuinely don’t want the whole thing.


njoshua326

If half a donut is the difference between a good and bad day you shouldnt be riding that dangerous line of stress all the time. Eat the damn donut or don't, nobody wants your other half anyway because they want a fresh, full one.


cosmicspaceowl

Can I just clarify that we cut the last doughnut in half after eating 2 whole ones each. We may well be psychopaths but we aren't the sort of people who pretend to be too dainty to eat properly.


DoKtor2quid

I suggest a spreadsheet to establish turns for doughnut number 3. Less messy.


EveryDayIsFine

Write names on the wall calendar…Monday is X’s turn, Tues is Y’s turn…


Realistic-Eye6539

Exactly the same issue when there’s a traybake or cake bought in for someone’s birthday. Or when there’s a communal biscuit tin and some dirty fucker rummages around looking for the last chocolate digestive and manhandles every other biscuit.


ToffeeMunchAndCrunch

>and cut one in half... by touching the side of the doughnut to be left to hold it in place Why would they not pick up the side that they've held?


Zippyfrood

Because they are cunts.


Top_Distribution_693

"A whole donut? My God Marge, I couldn't *possibly*..."


Meth3ne

I refuse to eat anything communal at work. Good for a healthier diet too!


WobblyCow

How could someone not be able to eat just one doughnut? That's madness. The only cutting in half I do is with my teeth, followed by consuming the other half immediately.


Molly_Hatchett

Reprobates, the lot of 'em


amberallday

Because it used to be 6, back in the day - which worked well for groups of 2,3 or 6. And then they wanted to make more money without increasing the price. Downsizing snacks. Bah humbug.


EveryDayIsFine

Even group of 4 can have 1.5 each


JebusKristi

Because whoever bought it gets to eat the extra one. It was ever thus.


Lloris2701

To make you buy 2 bags... Family of 5 here but I like a bag to myself


happymellon

So you get 6 doughnuts? Good call.


Lloris2701

Spot on! 🤣


Techpreist_X21Alpha

ah, reminds me the good old days when you got 10 doughnuts for £1. ​ Then shrinkflation ruined everything.


EveryDayIsFine

Yeah, and you tied an onion on your belt too I bet.


sacredshapes

It was the style, at the time


CptnHamburgers

Back then, 20p coins had pictures of bees on them. "Gimme 5 bees for a quid", you'd say.


LambShankzzz

Morrison’s doughnuts are 55p for a pack of 5.. and arguably they have the best doughnuts.


RIPNINAFLOWERS

You talking about sainsburys? I say this as I was the fat kid in year 7 who would eat a 10 pack of jam doughnuts a day for lunch instead of using the money given to me for real food as my mum intended... Would always get them from the sainsburys in Clapham Junction station. BUT I do remember that the doughnuts were comparatively smaller than the doughnuts one got in the 5pack...


jimwon2021

Member of a family of five checking in. I find bags of supermarket doughnuts contain the perfect amount of doughnuts.


WotanMjolnir

Tesco jam doughnuts now come in fours (at least at the Tesco near me, anyway). It's one situation where I'm quite pleased I'm getting less for the same money I used to pay.


RichChard

Tesco doughnuts are absolute wank mate sort it out.


WotanMjolnir

I agree - greasy and stodgy. Asda doughnuts used to be amazing, crispy outside and fluffy inside, but I haven't had them for years. Doughnuts aren't what they used to be ...


RichChard

Lidl and Morrisons both do decent jam doughnuts with 'Powdered Sugar'. Sainsburys the best sugary jam doughnuts but depends on the store. I have 3 around where I live. One undercooks them so they're doughy, another overcooks them so they're heavy and crunchy, the 3rd cooks them just right.


maniaxuk

Pretty sure they dropped the price in my Tesco Used to be 5 for £1.00 Now it's 4 for £0.80 Still the same price per doughnut, just less of them per bag


helic0n3

That is how many fit in the bag.


Onslow85

You're meant to share them? When I was really poor, I used to go to Mozzas at around 9pm (prime reduction time) and get a bag of apple jam donuts (always the ones left over) for 10p. I figured 5 of them were about 1500 calories or so and therefore a bag and a half were about a days food.


InncnceDstryr

End of the day 10p supermarket clearance reductions are the single best thing about the UK.


Onslow85

It kept me going during an extremely skint period of life. That and own brand jam on own brand bread.


snaphunter

One for each finger, but you do need to buy 2 bags


Large_it

Does not work for those from Norfolk or Cornwall, they can’t get them past the webbing.


publiusnaso

The word “forced” is working hard here.


dickbob124

It's divisible by 1 and that's good enough for me.


jmh90027

Daddy gets two


Top_Distribution_693

I sure do you little slut


ThanksMrBergstrom

Used to be 6. Those were the days.


JonRoberts87

You dont eat all five by yourself, sat in a cloud of shame and regret? Or is that just me?


Low-Caterpillarr

Always take the doughnuts from the back of the self. There is a chance that there will be 6 in a bag because the person packing them puts the extra ones in the remaining bags. Source work in a Sainsbury's bakery when I was younger


shopliftinasda

I’m always surprised by how cheap they are too. 55p for 5 big jam doughnuts, that’s decent right?


scottnas57

Obviously you have to eat them all, otherwise your wife will know 1) that you bought them at all when quite likely frowned upon and 2) she will know exactly how many you have eaten by the number (one?) that is left. First few times I saw it as a challenge, not so much so now. Is very tiresome to have to eat the bag too, however otherwise she will know the truth when she spots it in the car or the bin, so the real debate is if you eat the bag before or after the doughnuts. Hope this helps.....


Calamity_Payne

So you have to buy 2 bags to make it divisible


EveryDayIsFine

Then eat them all yourself, one bag for each hip.


SnooFloofs1868

Derrick the new doughnut hole maker isn’t as long as Steve 6 doughnut holes.


Capable_War_1335

Family of 5 here (and plenty of family of fives around here. My youngest is nil by mouth and tube fed. 5 is perfect. 2 for me and one each for everyone else. Even better sometimes my husband won't eat them so I get 3!


[deleted]

I got 6 the other day It was the highlight of my week


Panceltic

So you can have 2 bags, 10 doughnuts, nice even round number.


TripleFiveEight

There’s a special place reserved in hell for the people who take a pack of jam and custard donuts to work then proceed to mix them up. I f*cking hate custard donuts!


dmack080288

Me and my 5 wives find this very annoying. So I made a rota system for them.


TITSONABAWBAG

They are designed for a family of 4 with a fat Dad who eats 2.


[deleted]

5/2 = 2.5 You’re welcome


perishingtardis

Because 5 is the number you are supposed to eat by yourself in a single sitting. Duh.


5-1BlackAlbinoChoir

It's divisible 1 - me.


arczclan

The worlds most common family size is 5. The UK’s most common household size is only 2, but I’d *imagine* those with children would fall closer to 5 than to 2 on average. ^(could be wrong don’t quote me)


mooohaha64

The more importantly question is "why do they go stale in about 2 hours?"


jordy231jd

As a member of a family of 5 i resent that! If the trope of 2.4 children holds true, then 60% of families have 2 children, and 40% have 3 children. Obviously assuming nobody has anything other than 2 or 3 children, but still. A family of 5 is not that uncommon.


tykeoldboy

When you are sharing a 5 pack of doughnuts with your partner when you get to the last doughnut you can play "To you, to me, to you, to me"


radgie_gadgie_1954

They used to be delivered in bags of 12 until once in medieval times a baker’s error of only including 11 was discovered and the patron, a well-connected imperious type, cried outrage and demanded the baker be punished (flogged and disgraced then run out o’the village in ruins) So bakers started adding a 13th pastry to be sure that if one turned up short the buyers would always have at least their expected dozen. That way the risk of instant ruin was neutralised. Whence the phrase ‘baker’s dozen’


LabFine

Used to be bags of six but they downsized the portion instead of upping the price. Sneaky bastards. It’s really common. ☹️


RobertTheSpruce

>It's not divisible by anything 5 divides by 1 perfectly.


SnoopyLupus

It works perfectly for a family of four. I get two.


geubes

My ASDA does them in bags of two!


dinobug77

M&S doughnuts come in packs of 4 and are far superior to other supermarket doughnuts. Also if you time it right on the way into work they are still warm.


Large_it

I see your M&S doughnuts and raise you the slightly crispy goodness of Morrison’s - these are the total boss of doughnuts.