By - Ok-Impress-2222
Talk the ring bearer into tasting the cake.
Our dog was our ring bearer.
She would’ve needed very little convincing.
And where are we supposed to find Frodo? :D
The Nazguul were pretty clear you can find him in the SSSSShhhIIIIIrrrrrrreeee
I’ll announce a pregnancy then propose to a random girl I paid to come with me right before the vows
A friend of mine told me he was going to propose to his girlfriend at my wedding. I told him absolutely not. They're not even together anymore
I threatened to propose to my wife at a friends wedding because she pissed me off. When she pointed out I was already married, I pointed out that just makes it easier for her to say yes.
I never did it as we were just joking around but it’s really easy to steal the spotlight.
And rude! Like I get wanting to do it but ASK FOR PERMISSION don’t just say “oh yeah I’m proposing at your wedding”
No, don’t even ask, just DON’T DO IT. It’s tacky as hell - let the couple have their day. Don’t ask them to let you make it about you.
On top of that, if my s/o proposed at someone else's wedding I'd be so annoyed lol. So we're hijacking someone else's fancy celebration? You didn't even do anything?? I'd be fine getting proposed to in our pj's with a nice dinner while watching Netflix. I would not be fine with getting proposed to at someone's wedding lol now the memory is half about their wedding half about the proposal. It sounds so cheap lol using someone else's backdrop and flowers and all
That’s exactly why it’s be perfect
Propose to two different people at the same time and make them rock paper scissors to win.
Also wear white.
"There was an emergency. I look *really good* in white."
Ok, my sister just got married and one of her guest wore a long white dress with her tits all out lol. I was like, uh I thought no one should wear white but the bride? ON TOP OF THAT, the color theme was like royal blue and tan sooo lol
I think we have a winner. Pregnancy announcement and proposal during the ceremony... definitely going to destroy the wedding. Especially when soon to be grandparents start asking about their upcoming grandbaby
I think a proposal at any point of a wedding will definitely have a shitty effect and as a person who works weddings, it does happen on occasion. It's the perfect indicator for the most self important, volatile members of a particular family.
Be sure she’s wearing white
Ill just *die* at the wedding
Have a random woman yell at the groom: "I'm pregnant with your child!!"
Thomas wtf, you got me pregnant, ignore all of my calls and now marrying another woman?
Using the name Thomas was so good. Every Thomas I know is a cheater.
Fuck all Toms.
Wait, I meant, All Toms Fuck.
Wait, I meant, Toms Fuck All.
Im Tom wanna fuck?
Get fucked Tom .... no, wait, i didn't mean it like *that*!.
Yeah, fuck Tom!
I won’t be IGNORED Thomas!!
Or just claim YOU’RE having an affair with the groom. Done and done.
Make that three or more random women and I would be the proudest groom EVER.
"I am Spartislut!"
"No, I AM SPARTISLUT!"
"I'm having an affair with the groom!"
"Hey, me too!"
Bride: "It's not an affair, we just have an open marriage, I'm fucking 4 guys in this room on the regular"
I mean I’m a guy but I’ll give it a shot
Mr. William M. Buttlicker? Your family built this country!
BUTTLICKER OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER
Speak up son I can't hear you
NEVER BEEN LOWER
With a user name like this, I feel like we are missing an opportunity here
Just don't show up to u/Mr_Butt_Licker wedding in assless chaps.
All chaps are assless
The exact same dress would probably be even more effective
And complain loudly that it should be your wedding.
Don’t be ridiculous, how are we both going to fit into that dress?
Oh, at the same wedding I mentioned in this thread of comments, my husband's brother-in-law who is a real piece of work (has the mentality of a six year old and is also abusive to his wife and kids and I am pretty sure he is inbred - not kidding) helped himself to a piece of the top layer of the cake, you know the part of the cake that goes home with the bride and groom. Yeah, there are garbage people on both sides of the family.
I once heard a story about a wedding my sister's friend went to. The brides ex boyfriend showed up **severely** wasted, started yelling at people and then **took a shit in the aisle**
A memory they will both treasure.
and if their videographer had any sense of class he would have added it as a blooper reel on their wedding video... making sure they treasure it for prosperity
A pooper reel
That wedding was the shit
The prosperity of the posterior.
There was that story where a bride walked down the aisle, and it turns out while she was waiting outside the church, a neighborhood dog took a nap on the wedding dress' train
As she walked towards the altar everyone saw this small sleeping dog carried along on the back of the dress, and just let it be.
It snoozed there throughout the ceremony, until it was woken up by the organ music at the end.
Not sure if that's the best way to ruin a wedding, but it's a solid number 2.
He might have had an upset stomach for all we know.
Bribe the organist to play a funeral dirge as the bride comes down the aisle.
At my friends' wedding there was no music playing as she walked in, and I was very tempted to pull out my phone and start it.
I was going to say lock all the doors and have the band play "Raynes of Castamere".
Was dragged to some wedding of people I didn't even know, and the reception was this lavish event with a real orchestra.
When the newlyweds walked in the orchestra played the Game of Thrones intro song.
This was in 2015, so both the Red Wedding and Purple Wedding episodes had aired already. Given how bizarre the music choice was, I'm 99% sure it was an intentional reference.
I was a groomsman for a good friend's wedding. He and his soon-to-be-wife are both big fans of GoT. I bought Nerf crossbows for myself and all of the other groomsmen. After the first dance occurred, the DJ had them stay on the dance floor, fired up Rains of Castamere, and we brought our hidden crossbows out and proceeded to pelt them. The groom recognized the song about half a second before we started firing. It was glorious and they absolutely loved it.
Myself and my husband did a “red wedding” in 2016 my dress and his outfit were red. We’re both nerds so it worked.
Could have sold tickets to that wedding and made a killing! (pun intended)
In a gadda da vida
By I. Ron Butterfly
Wait a minute, this sounds like rock and/or roll
I keep mishearing that song as “In the Garden of Eden”
Wait a minute, this sounds like rock AND OR roll
In Spain, I attended a wedding that played instrumental versions of hallelujah by Leonard Cohen when the family walked in and Creep by Radiohead for the bride and father.
They were beautiful covers but it was off putting to sing the lyrics in my head as she passed by. “She’s running out the door…what the hell am I doing here?” I’m hoping she just never translated the lyrics but she spoke English…
I’d pick the Dies Irae from The Shining, but thats just me.
No, bribe them to play Never Gonna Give You Up
Lyrically that would be a highly appropriate song though.
“Now, this is a somber one so it’s okay to cry-“
Sabatoge the wedding invites to say that everyone needs to wear white
I've seen a few weddings where they actually do this. It can look really cool if everyone does it.
You'd want it to be only like half of the invited.
Tell half the guests it's fancy dress
I remember seeing something about a couple that did this.
Invited everyone to a fancy dress party then revealed after everyone arrived that it was actually their wedding.
Made for some memorable wedding photos.
Tell the other half it's Trailer Trash Themed. Even better if it's not split, like make sure that it's not all the brides family showing up in fancy dress.
When they kiss just say “eew” like a child watching their parents kiss
Get between them at the last second
Went to my step-daughter's wedding with my husband. Husband's ex-wife insisted he wear a tuxedo because "it was tradition" (it's not, plus he wasn't standing up in the wedding but he complied for his daughter's sake). So the ceremony takes place and as the groom lifts her veil to kiss the bride, ex-wife (mother of the bride) jumps out of her seat, runs up to her daughter (the bride) and kisses her before the groom got a chance. Her grandfather (husband's dad) sitting next to me let out an audible "this is bull shit!" Almost pissed myself laughing while my husband shot daggers at us. While my husband was appalled at the ex-wife's behavior, he did not want to cause any trouble for his daughter on her special day because he is classy like that. But tbh, that moment is my fondest mempry of my now deceased father-in-law.
I bet FIL was a blast at family reunions and funerals!
Tbh, I have no idea. Only saw him three or four times before he passed away. My husband's family is spread all over the country. But damn, he was a pretty devout Southern Baptist and to hear him come out with that "this is bool sheet" in his southern drawl absolutely slayed me.
...but why did she do that?
The wedding is all about her. Didn't you get the memo?
I'm just trying to wrap my head around her kissing her own daughter...
It was weird. I was mostly floored about her insistence that my husband wear a tux because it's tradition or actually, I think she said it was etiquette (I googled it and it definitely is not) and then she pulled that fucking stunt. Thank God my father-in-law made me laugh in that moment. I still giggle about it today.
I mean if I really have to ruin a wedding , I'll call the police and say there's a bomb planted in the underground of the place where the wedding is going on.
"Your butt is the bomb. There will be no survivors."
I mean if you REALLY had to ruin a wedding, you would detonate a bomb planted in the underground of the place where the wedding is going on.
Get drunk and puke on my future brother in law's shoes.
I did this.
as the groom or the brother of the bride?
Brother of the bride
This 100% sounds like some stupid shit I'd do. After my brothers wedding I got hammered drunk and got in a huge fight with my boyfriend in the middle of the night. He then went and woke up my parents and got someone from the hotel to unlock the door and they found me passed out in the bathtub. Fortunately, my brother never found out but my parents were pissed and said I ruined everything. Oops
Sounds like something a younger, less mature ginger beefcake would do
Pay a random kid 10€ for running to the groom screaming "daaaaddddyyy"
Or. Pay a little more for a hooker to do that.
Really want to kill it? Pay the bride's niece or nephew to do it.
Show up wearing my normal clothes, cig hanging out my mouth, cat in a back pack and yelling for someone to roll a joint
I feel like "cat in a back pack" is gonna be enough to disrupt pretty much anything.
Really just depends on the cat…. And the back pack. Once my little brother got this great idea to bring our pet cat to school in his backpack… you know, for show and tell… well the cat shit in his backpack and the bus driver made him let the cat off the bus through the back exit door and his entire backpack… mom was pissed, can’t say I blame her. Poor stardust. I was 9 so I was on board with the idea outta sheer ignorance so I share the blame.
Did you get your cat back?
and sit behind mother of the bride and pop a can of malt liquor, then start making loud drunken passes at her.
when the pastor said "You may kiss the bride", I'd kiss the brides
This made me laugh out loud for no reason
Yell out, "My turn next!" after the groom kisses her.
Get drunk and give an impromptu speech insulting the new couple. When they come up to take your microphone, run away and tackle the wedding cake. Knock over a couple of young kids in the process, and a server too if you can. Break as much glass on the dance floor as possible. Pull the fire alarm on your way out (if you’re not in handcuffs yet) and hope that the water ruins the dj’s equipment, and that the water damage causes the venue to close for the night.
Don't forget to help yourself to some gifts on the way out. Not because you want or need them, just so the couple can't have them.
damn this is thorough
After sitting through a couple weddings, your imagination starts to wander. Sometimes it thinks about escaping.
Burst through the doors yelling "I object" run up to the bride grab her and start a long speech about how much you love her and no one else can make her happy then at the last go "Oh shit you're not natalie"
I know someone (male soldier) who dragged up, and objected, claiming 'she' was pregnant, just as a prank on his mate getting married.
Turns out, any objections, even if the objecter says just kidding, stops the wedding and starts an investigation.
Can you elaborate? What kind of investigation?
Turns out I was wrong.i googled it
If Someone Objects To Your Marriage
During a modern wedding ceremony it’s very uncommon for anyone to actually object. So uncommon, that there are no official rules on what your wedding officiant should do. However, it is widely agreed that they would have two options.
The first and most agreed on action is for the wedding officiant to take the objecting person to another room where they can privately give their reason for the objection to the wedding.
The other option is for the wedding officiant to ignore the person who has spoken up and continue with the wedding as normal. In this case the wedding guests usually deal with the objecting party and encourage them to leave.
When you give notice or have your banns read, your details are checked against all the records held on you. This includes details of your birth (which would highlight how closely you’re related to your partner) and your marital history (which checks whether you are currently married). These checks make it very unlikely anyone objecting on the wedding day has a valid legal reason to do so.
I got married in a country that reads banns and I had to have mine posted a month before to allow objections and proof that we couldn’t be married. It was kind of cool though, our marriage was announced basically for a month before. They said there was no need for objections during the ceremony because the banns provide opportunity for legal objections.
Once you get your license, there’s no stopping it!
I think the Catholic Church in the US still does this (usually it's posted in the weekly bulletin for the three weeks prior to the ceremony), or used to until a few years ago.
Sign up to be the wedding photographer, purposefully take nothing but blurry photos and scream an obscenity every time I take a shot.
Edit: Also, *ALWAYS* use flash.
Took a bunch of pics at a friends wedding, didn’t get them to her for months and when I finally did I felt really bad until she burst into tears of joy, turns out the photographer they paid had been caught with loads of child pornography and she just couldn’t look at the photos he’d taken (especially the ones with younger family members.) so… take all the pics and then get convicted of a heinous crime?
For bonus points, only speak french the entire time.
Instructions unclear. Screams in German instead.
Invite the brides celebrity crush to profess his love to her and beg to run away during the ceremony.
Danny DeVito peels into the reception driving a Hummer, *”I OBJECCCCCTTTTT!”*
I mean, I love my fiance but Danny DeVito tho 😏
That is truly clever.
I explain during the toast why the best man is **really** the best man.
sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do
Put laxatives in the cake and food
And lock the bathroom doors 😂
No, you lock all but *one* of the bathroom doors.
Ah, touché 😂
I show up with a baby in my hand and accuse the groom of abandoning “our family” that would be funny. I’d have to dress up as a woman though.
Don’t, grow a beard beforehand
I'd sneak in a tin of baked beans and I'd very carefully, whilst remaining undetected, insert a quarter tea-spoon's worth into every single guest's pocket, purse, shoes if the opportunity arises. By the time it comes to cutting the cake, everyone in the room will have been slightly inconvenienced by a poorly placed inexplicable glob of baked beans. Not enough to ruin the night, but enough to leave you feeling perplexed and irked. The bride puts the beans at the back of her mind, it's her wedding day after all, and the cake does look delicious. Besides, she notes, her guests all seem distracted and unusually agitated. She cuts into the beautiful white frosting and with one gram of pressure the icing loses all shape as baked beans come bursting out from inside. The bride is bawling, the groom is violently throwing his fists at the mass of baked beans and icing, guests are screaming in anger and bewilderment, one lady throws a chair and I'm just leaning on the bar toasting another successful wedding for the Bridal Bean Bandit.
I would wear a nice white wedding dress and would get really drunk before the ceremony. Works as a guest or as the bride.
Especially if you're a 6ft 5 bloke with a beard
Drunk Bride II: the Revenge
Get super drunk and talk shit to everyone and eat some of their wedding cake with my hands then spread bad rumors about the 2 getting married and I throw up on the bride's dress before leaving the wedding.Ta dah!
Object when the objections are called but don’t say anything afterwards
Or go on a long speech about a number of unrelated things you object to
“You bet your ass I object! I object to the treatment of political dissidents in China! I object to the Russian incursion in Ukraine! I object to deforestation and pollution! I object to the mistreatment of children in foster homes and institutions! I object to making the Cookie Monster into the Veggie Monster! I OBJECT!”
There was a sketch a while back where someone offered him vegetables and he enjoyed them, naturally causing national hysteria over him becoming the veggie monster instead
I shouldn’t have read this while drinking coffee …
Wait for the "any objections" part, then read the whole bee movie script
Book James Cordon as entertainment.
OP said ruin a wedding, not cause a riot.
Nah, there should be limits
1. Befriend a graphic designer - after choosing which person you plan to frame. For example, framing the groom - as a cheater.
2. Create a fake social media page
3. Convince your friend, planning their wedding, that a slideshow at the reception would be baller AND you just so happen to own the equipment (free and enticing - can't say no)
4. Rent the projection equipment - gotta have it for the big day
5. Find pictures on social media of a cute woman - wearing non-descript sunglasses in a few recent photos.
6. Download those photos and put them on the fake social media page.
6. Find sunglasses that resemble them - purchase
7. Plant those sunglasses in the groom's car weeks before the wedding.
8. Have your graphic designer buddy create mock-ups of the groom with additional pictures of the fake girl.
9. Post those on social media - as though they are dating.
10. Tag the fake account at fake places - creating a timeline of deception.
11. Download those files for the slideshow.
12. Ask the couple for pictures they want on the slideshow. Include those at the start of the slideshow file.
13. Place fake photos towards the middle/end.
14. Put sound to the slideshow - the first few songs should be really quiet so then it starts, the sound will be soothing.
15. Put loud, sinister music to start once the fake photos start to scroll.
16. Set up the equipment but give the slideshow file to the most disliked person that got a pity invite to the wedding.
17. Setup the equipment and ask that disliked person, while they are around other people, for the file (USB stick or whatever).
18. Hand that off to the wedding planner/venue people, along with the projection equipment.
19. Join the rest of the guests. Party. Dance. Live. Laugh. "Love"
Your an artist
Cut the cake as soon as I get there, try a piece and start over dramatically gagging like it’s the worst thing ive ever tasted. Throw it out, then immediately get a new piece like it’s going to be better. Repeat until the cake is gone. If anyone tries to stop you, you duck and weave in avoidance while retching. If you are physically captured in the process, fall to the ground and start kicking and screaming like a small child.
im laughing so fucking hard at this
Taking a different approach here:
Show up to a wedding, that you’re invited to by someone who you actually hate and have a better time than anyone else.
My brother and I hate each other but we because of tradition I had to be at his wedding and in all the photos. We literally can’t even be in the same room as each other without someone breaking something or hurling profanities. Long story.
At his wedding I managed to be in very picture, I never stopped smiling, added all his in-laws to Facebook, MURDERED the dance floor, got 3 numbers and avoided all drama 100%. The bride and groom were furious. She ended up taking an ambien or a Percocet and a bottle of champagne and puke-cried all over the place. He largely avoided speaking to people because I could tell he wanted to talk shit about what a mess I was, but my behaviour didn’t fit the narrative. Hard to put your little brother on display and embarrass him when he’s the star of the party, eh?
The entire night I was fielding “can I ask you a personal question”s from the bridal party. They all wanted to know why my brother and I didn’t get along, and I just shrugged and smiled and said that’s the first I’ve heard of it. No idea what you’re talking about.
At the end of the night everyone in my immediate family was floored at how pleasant I was the entire evening, how I cried so hard when the bride walked down the aisle, how I gelped with the set up, etc.
I basically made that wedding a real event, when I was only invited there to be crucified. They expected me to make a fool of myself so they could continue their behaviour of just being totally awful toward me. It backfired, quite gloriously. I was the talk of the town for days afterward; how helpful and friendly I was, and people having to ask my brother and his (bitch) wife what I was up to, or if we ever hang out and watch him deal with that.
TLDR: if you are at the wedding of someone you fucking hate, have a better time then they are and just be kind and helpful and nice. It will drive them wild and ruin all of their memories to see that their plan of commiserating over watching you be miserable and isolated has failed.
And my big, fucking smile is in ALL of your photos motherfucker. Thanks for the party ya cunt
That's so wonderful. It might be a bit odd but I'm SO PROUD of you internet stranger. I can imagine how pissed I'd be if I tried to show off to my high school nemesis and he was having a good time. I'd be SEETHING. It's perfect you did so well =)
I like you.
Hello, FBI? There's been a murder at this wedding!
Got damn hero right here.
Pfff, depends what HAVE TO means. If my life's on the line I guess I gotta kidnap the bride or groom. Thanks, now I'm in jail!
Badger prank, because it has a badger...AND it's dangerous as hell!
Run to either the bride or the groom and tell "WHO THE F IS THAT WE NEVER AGREED TO A THIRD!" or something like that
Kidnap the priest
But then the Church will send their top agent after you
They’ll send… THE BISHOP
*”okay, don’t nobody move!”* but we wuz too late… Vic saw da light!
Just stand right in front of the bishop. They can’t move forward, only diagonally, so you’ll be safe.
Just don't priestnap the kids.
Easy I marry the poor lady - she was the one who accepted the proposal
When I was 15 I was helping cater a wedding. Due to my inexperience they stuck me behind the punch bowl and I spent an hour stocking it with welches, sprite and ice. When it was time for the toast all bartenders (EVERY LAST GUY) left the open bar unattended to pour 200 glasses of champagne. After the line behind the bar got super long cause no one was tending I thought I had watched the bartenders enough that I could handle it and I started mixing drinks and pouring beers. I kind of wanted to get out of the way before the bartenders got back so I moved quickly. I got rid of the entire line, and I felt like a god. Maids of honor were flirting with me and I’ve never been cool before in my life.
I was so happy with myself that when some lady came up and asked if she could have a slice off the top of the wedding cake (supposed to be saved and frozen for the one year anniversary) I grabbed a knife and would have chopped that top row of cake to bits if the lady hadn’t realized that I didn’t realize it was a joke and literally grabbed my knife hand.
So the guy that ruined the wedding was almost me.
Jump out of the cake when they ask if anyone objects.
This seems fishy, are you looking for tips?
Wear a wedding dress that is nicer than the brides. This works regardless of your gender.
Get my 3 year old to repeatedly shout 'want go home now' throughout the ceremony. Worked last weekend.
Find a way to make my mate Dave do the best man speech. He did one at a wedding I was at and he bombed in a way I didn't think was possible, even caused the bride and groom to fall out.
That was about 8 years ago and his speech is still the only thing that people talk about in relation to that wedding.
I suspect the couple burned the wedding video to erase any evidence of the speech ever happening
Tell us more...
I watched one wedding where the younger sister was the maid of honor and screeched “you’d better not cheat on her” for her speech. She left off the “anymore” that we all already knew.
Also at a wedding where a priest talked about how the world was “going to hell” and a different one where the priest specifically mentioned called out that gay marriage was a sin, and another where the groom’s family was Jewish and there was a song with lyrics about how the “Jews killed and tortured Jesus” that they expected us to all sing. Realizing I’ve been to way too many f-d up weddings.
Post the sex tape I made with the bride the morning of.
Make sure she wears the dress for it.
Hire a Scottish bagpipe band AND a Mexican mariachi band to play I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith but 5 seconds off from each other the entire night.
Storm in naked screaming my love for the groom while helicoptering my dick.
Or kidnap the bride.
Me being there tends to ruins things so why not a wedding. Just talk to the bride and groom and boom!
Threesome with the bride and her best friend
RELEASE THE HOUNDS
I work in a wedding venue. I could literally ruin a wedding very easily as I have access to everything. I could change the date in the system. I could not tell the kitchen what food needed to be prepared. I could alter the guest number so there wasn’t enough seating. I could cancel the DJ. I mean the list goes on with how I could fuck with someone’s wedding.
I don’t obviously.
In fact this morning I went to work for two hours on my day off to fix a wedding cake that did not survive a long journey in heat.
A bride once professed her love for my husband who runs all of the weddings at our venue the morning of her wedding. She had met him twice before this.
Both literally and Freudian.
Yell as loudly as you can “he has the clap!!!”
Pipe bomb. It'll ruin most things.
Kiss the bride.
Put on Smash Mouth's All-star in a Shrek costume and start a mud fight
Climb to a high balcony where there is a loose gargoyle. When the bride starts speaking during the ceremony, pushinh the gargoyle (while in sneak, preferably) gives the best chance of escape, as no one may even see the act. All the guests and the groom will now be hostile - however, a bounty may not be accrued. There is a window of time between when the crash is heard and when someone calls out where it is possible to fast travel out, making an easy escape, but losing the ability to loot her corpse.
Put roofies in the grooms wedding party drinks during the bachelor party.
Announce that a beloved family member has died. True story. Between the wedding and the reception right after, the groom’s grandfather passed away. Half the wedding guests were crying and immediately left.
shit on the floor
Get schwifty beforehand.