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i usually start by saying "would you rather be alone or can i keep you company?"
and if they want me there, i'll just hold their hand or hug them. i don't like to pry, people will open up when they're ready to.
This is what I try to do as I sometimes find it hard to console other and I definitely don't want to bother them with my unwanted opinions.
Yeah, completely agree
My ex would always say she wanted to be alone or didn't want to talk, and then would get mad if I didn't try to talk and comfort her or stay with her.
hey same here. love toxic relationships huh?
Classic shit testing.
Well she did say she wanted to be alone
Acknowledging what they are feeling without talking about yourself.
That’s the best thing someone has ever said to me when I was in the thick of my rock bottom. The phrasing of “can I keep you company” rather than “do you want company” made me feel like I wasn’t a burden, and god I am still so thankful for it.
The only thing important to consider is, if you don't know the person, always ask before you do anything substantial because there's many people that will want you there but don't like physical touch so always be careful with that!
That’s one of the best responds, i think. Thank you for this words.
This is the way. When I'm upset and want alone time, I go somewhere obvious *where I want to be alone*. Then my friends will run towards me and try to cheer me up when I don't want that. It just annoys me to hell.
You really are good witch. This one's right.
Normally I don't say anything, I will just listen to that person. People cry because they have been holding up their feelings for a long time or they're prevented to say what they feel or nobody listen to them.
It took me a long time to understand this. I once told my therapist that I didn't like to cry because I always got a headache. She told me there was no physiological connection between a headache and crying. The headache was probably due to tension from trying not to cry.
I finally came to accept my tears and those of others. When my mother died I wrote & read aloud a piece called "Let Me Have My Tears." I wanted people to realize they should not tell me to stop crying.
(Especially bad because I was an atheist in a room full of Roman Catholics. They were telling me not to be sad because my mom was now with all her loved ones who had died before.)
I'm sorry for your loss. It's okay to be not okay, you shouldn't hold back your tears, let it go. Mourn for her as long as you want, and things will be lighter once you let it all out. I hope you'll feel better soon.
Thanks for the kind words. My mom died many years ago. It's better now, but there are still tears sometimes. I just needed to tell others that they should allow me to cry. She was a really great woman; she was pure love.
Yeah people should understand that losing someone important isn't easy. Take your time to be fully heal, but don't forget to take care of yourself too, drinks lots of fluids after crying and do things that can cheer you up.
My mother died in 2000. I still feel the hurt and need to cry.
Grief isn't a bad thing. The simple fact it continues proves your love goes on even if the other person isn't there.
In this instance, remind them of Job (pronounced jobe). Idk your biblical knowledge, but incase you don't know, he was a man who was very wealthy. Then all his livestock and herders were slaughtered and stolen in a raid, plus his children (I believe 4 sons and 4 daughters, it's been a while for me, I could be wrong on the exact number), who were feasting together, were crushed due to an earthquake. After which he became ill with boils. He mourned the loss of his family and estate for a week. All the while being told by his wife to curse God and die because he "must have done something for God to rob him so."
You could ask them if Job should've continued on stoically and not mourned his loss.
You could also ask them what Jesus did when he heard that his good friend Lazarus died. Hint hint, shortest verse in the bible. "Jesus wept."
It's healthy to mourn. It's one of the first steps in healing. Mourning is all throughout the bible. I know it's a big rant, I used to be that blind. But I've since learned that emotion was made by God and is ours to express. It's what separates us from machines. I hope this finds you well.
Would you mind sharing the piece you wrote? I feel like I can relate. My dad passed away recently, and I've had a similar experience with folks telling me he's in a better place.
♥️🫂 I'm so sorry you're going thru this. When the loss would overwhelm me, I reminded myself that grief is the price we pay for loving someone. The only way to make sure we never experience it is to never, ever love.
Thanks for asking for this. I had to dig a bit to find it.
Let me have my tears. My pain is deep for my loss is great.
I know you want to comfort me, but for today I cannot be consoled.
The arms that gave me comfort have been stilled and will not hold me anymore.
So let me howl my grief and clench my hands in despair.
Let me cry as long as I must; I honor her with every tear.
You may try to bring me peace
and say she’s watching over me,
and say she’s in a better place.
But I want her here beside me,
to look into her eyes and kiss her cheek
and wrap my arms around her.
So let me have my selfish grief.
Do not try to stop my tears or hush my cries.
Just hold my hand and understand I pay her tribute with my tears.
My mother’s love was so complete, she’s in my heart forever.
But I will miss her all the more for all the love that's now gone.
I may cry for days on end;
I may shed a tear for every minute of my life that she spent loving me.
So if you want to comfort me,
let me have my tears.
© June 28, 2004
This is beautiful. Thank you. Hugs 🫂
See you on Best Of Reddit later. This is great.
This made me weep. (Very glad I'm sitting alone. The dramatic change from sitting here straight faced to full on sobbing would have been alarming to any onlookers.) It's beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
And I see from the date that the anniversary of her funeral is coming up (or at least of you writing this for it). Sending you love, and thinking of your mom.
Thanks for your kind words and loving thoughts. Yes, the anniversary of her death just passed. I wrote this the night before her funeral.
Thank you for sharing! It is beautiful.
This is so Beautiful. Not the same grief but I had a miscariage one week ago, and I am still really really sad, and grieving. And you words hit strongly, because many people try to confort me by dismissing the loss. I may borrow you « Let me have my tears, my pain is deep for my loss is great ». Obviously not the same as losing a parent, but still, those words really mean so much to me. Thank you for sharing.
I think your loss is huge. No one else can measure the degree of one's loss and grief. I'm sure you had hopes & dreams & mental images of your future with your child. I'm so sorry that has been taken away from you.
Thank you so much for your words and for understanding my loss. You’re a great person, and you are honoring your mother so much 💛 thanks
Beautiful! And I’m sorry about your loss.
Thank you so much for writing and sharing this! It brought out my tears. Good luck!
That’s beautiful. Made my cry
Thank you so much.
I feel like this one time, just this once, someone else's pain has brought me the reassurance that I am not alone.
Gave you my free award. My mom passed August 30th, 1999 and there isn't a day that goes by were my soul doesn't ache for her. The tears aren't as frequent as they once were, but they still come (like right now).
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Lost mine a few months ago. Am so sorry you lost yours. Hugs.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry you're going through it as well ❤️
Cry when you need to and don’t ever listen to anyone who says don’t.
I’ve dealt with depression a lot in life and sometimes crying is one of the best ways to cope and stay afloat. Sometimes I want to cry but can’t connect my feelings to my tears. I’m crying on the inside but not on the outside. It’s like sadness constipation, I honestly have a hard time thinking of another way to describe it. I desperately want to cry, but nothing.
My ex-lax for constipated tears is music. There is just certain music that seems to help me get those tears going…and when I finish, I almost always feel a bit better. Crying is healthy, if we let more people cry without feeling ashamed, I think people would be healthier and society would be better.
If you need to borrow them ever, here are two that work pretty reliably for me.
“I Will Remember You” by Sarah McLachlan
“Flying Free” by Don Besig
The latter you can find performances of on YouTube.
Actually….I know exactly what you’re talking about with the crying headache thing, and I kind of take it as a sign that I got everything out. Like when I feel the headache start to happen, usually right after that is when I start to calm down and stop. Then I take a cold washcloth and put it on my forehead, drink some cold water, eat some good food and maybe take a nap or go to bed if it’s late enough. It’s amazing how much better I usually feel after that
I hate that reasoning. Sure, it's nice for the person in theoretical heaven. But it still sucks for the people missing them.
That's so sad, like yes we cry for the ones we lost, but we also cry for ourselves and who WE lost. You had every right to be sad and I'm sorry you were surrounded by people who told you otherwise. My family is real Irish so I totally understand being raised to suppress emotion, it's so unhealthy and I've had to work through so many issues in my romantic relationships because of it.
Hey I can relate to a degree.
My entire family are Christians (baptist and some fundamental) and I’m the only one out of the family including extended ones who is an atheist. A year ago at my father’s service funeral the pastor decided to mention me in the prayer during the beginning of the service and was praying for my salvation in the most humiliating way.
I cringed so hard and the room was full of people.
Like damn did they have to do that at my own father’s funeral instead of, you know, recognize my loss and grief. Instead they prefer to announce it to everyone that I was nonbeliever and made me feel like an outcast right there and then, undeserving of having a big loss that is earthly and physical and emotional.
Grief solidarity, girl!
There isn't always a need to say something, sometimes you just gotta be there
Oh yeah no doubt about it.
I was just assuming its a friend
That’s actually really helpful, thanks
It's honestly just what I'd want lol, no need to thank me.
Just make sure you friend is okay
"It's ok, let It out i'm here for you" that IS If you have that kind of friendship
Even if you hardly know them this is correct.
It validates their feelings and gives permission to be hurt.
Not that they need permission but it helps anyway
A milder version for people who aren't as close to you (a coworker for example) is to just offer a hug
This was just something I witnessed a few years ago. There was a young woman just broke down and cried on the street. We were walking toward each other and normally it's not something you notice on the street, but I took notice of her face and just saw it change through a dozen emotions in about a second. She hadn't been on her phone or anything at least in the 10-15 seconds prior. So it was something... not normal.
She just broke down at sat on some stairs and let go. An older woman in front of me approached her and just asked if she needed a hand to hold or a hug. And the crying woman immediately took her hand. After another 10-15 seconds she just hit another level. The woman who offered her hand just sat down next to her and embraced her and said, "I think you need the hug today."
There were several of us who had all been standing there just watching and the older woman just looked at each of us and nodded that she had this. Last thing I heard was the young woman who said, "I didn't know I needed this, I don't know what just happened."
I don't want to say it was bystander syndrome, all of us wanted to help, I think. I know I did. But it was the older woman who knew exactly what to say and do and she kept it simple. Offering her hand to hold or a hug and not even asking or wanting to know why.
That old woman is so important in this world, more than she knows.
She’s been there
Even with complete strangers. Years ago I was at a gas station late at night, picking up some snacks for a movie night, and there was a teenaged girl outside, sitting up against the side of the building, she looked upset. I went inside, telling myself that if she was still there when I came back out I'd check in with her (not a rough part of town, but busy, and it was dark and she was young and female and we should all look out for each other).
When I came back outside, she was crying. I put my snacks in the car and then gently approached and said I was sorry to intrude but I noticed she was upset and did she need any help? She told me that she'd come out to her parents that night and her dad kicked her out, and she started sobbing. My heart broke. I'm queer, not out to my family due to a homophobic father. I plopped down on the sidewalk next to her and reached out my hand and she took it, held it and just cried for a bit. When she started to calm down I made sure she had somewhere to go, bought her some snacks, and waited with her until her cousin came to pick her up.
Sometimes just knowing that someone is there, they're not going anywhere, they're not afraid to touch you or be close while you fall apart, is huge.
Yeah, we shouldn't need permission but we do, it's the exact right thing to say.
Mentally many don’t feel like they have the right to be sad. I personally feel bad for expressing negative emotion due to the shitty upbringing I had. The few times I have cried in front of someone, then saying that let me feel validated which is something I would need in the process of healing
Giving them "permission" is to let them know it's okay, as most people when crying with people around are incredibly uncomfortable. It's not a light we like to be seen in. It's not permission really, it's more like, "hey, let it out, noones judging you"
This is good. If it's more comfortable you can just say "It's ok, just let it out. It's ok."
That you accept their tears and aren't embarrassed or upset by them is a great relief to the person crying.
What you should say changes from person to person
I would rather someone hugging and not saying anything
You need to appreciate that they may not *want* to 'stop crying'. Crying serves a biological function, and trying to 'help' somebody stop doing it can just make them feel worse - like they're embarrassing people or being a downer. ALSO, "not all tears are an evil". Since I started taking hormones I discovered that crying can be, for lack of better words, quite enjoyable. It can be satisfying to just accept that you are a human being with the capacity to feel intense emotions, and think of it as a feature - not a bug. Reading a really emotive part of a book or bit of a film and adding some tears, is like putting butter on your popcorn or sauce on your steak.
After all that - if somebody *is* crying in a bad way and they would like to stop, just sitting with them and 'keeping them company' and occasionally making some smalltalk about whatever seems appropriate, is a fairly good idea.
Sorry if this is impertinent. Are you MtF? A transman I dated briefly spoke about how taking testosterone had changed crying for him. Instead of getting sad he would get mad. It was a wild glimpse into the male reality.
Actually I'm NB but I have/do take estradiol.
Tbh this makes me want to take estradiol.
I'm tired of stoic rage. I want emotions. I'm AMAB nonbinary myself and I tend to align more with women in terms of interests and calmer emotions - but sadness turns into toxic anger way too easily in my head, and it's exhausting. I'd rather be able to cry my emotions out than bottle up that unbearable tension.
I want e so bad
Until this shit with Ukraine started you could get an 18 month supply for $150. Now it's around $50 a month.
You want to get a beer/pizza/ice cream and talk?
I love pizza
There used to be a great pizza place in my town called Pizza Time, it closed recently:( Sadly, it is no longer pizza time, my friends.
Lets go for a pizza
The cure to a failing communist nation.
*Our* pizza, Comrade
Is there anything I can do?
I'm here for you
Cry as long as you need to
Would you like a hug?
\○/ this one do?
Where's my hug??? :(
The hugs sold out, better luck next time.
⊂(・▽・⊂) I think you probably need a hug too
I'll give you a hug! (.づ◡﹏◡)づ.
I could use a hug, too.
"Do you want to talk about things? If so, I'm happy to listen. If you need space, I'll give you space. And if you don't want to talk but want company, I'm happy to sit with you."
I think each of these is good on their own, but all together it seems like it might be a lot for a person who is already emotionally overwhelmed.
Do you need alone time or do you need some support?
Do you want me to listen, or do you want advice?
That’s usually a good one. Helped in my relationship not long ago. Sometimes I need to cry other times I don’t know what to do and need help
Or do you just need some support.
I've heard it can be really toxic to shush them or tell them not to cry, like it may invalidate those feelings, encourage them to be suppressed, or discourage actual processing. I think letting the tears run their course may be better, and if you know how to active-listen or validate those feelings, that would be better
Totally agree with this. I refuse to tell kids to not cry (unless it's crocodile tears) because I can see that leading to issues down the line.
My parents always told me to smile when I was upset. It made me feel like a decorative object.
Dude. *Ew*. I'm so sorry, that's not ok.
Thank you! I've been told to stop crying every. single. time. someone has caught me, so I hold it in until I'm 100% sure I'm alone. I've become something of a master of silent crying, instantly shutting off my tears, and quickly clearing up any trace of it. I've talked on the phone bawling, but it would never touch my voice. Anything to avoid being told to stop, or worse yet, belittled for it.
yes as a kid i was a big crier and being told "dont cry" "its not worth crying over" has led to a lot of validation issues so definitely let people cry. also rather than saying dont cry, try to distract them like "should we go for a walk?" often distractions can help stop the flow of tears (not always!) so its a good way of doing it without saying something harmful.
also ask them if they want to talk (only if you're willing to listen), if you can do something to help them, what they need in that moment and that their feelings are valid.
Well that’s what my mother usually does when she sees me cry, always telling me “stop doing that! You know that I hate people crying because it doesn’t solve anything” but I don’t cry because I want her pity me or what, It’s just me not finding a way to convey all my feelings and thoughts
Ask: can I do something for you? Simple as that, maybe they want to be alone or maybe they need a hug
I remember one time I actually ended up crying in the middle of the class, I was in a very bad place mentally. Teacher didn't give a fuck. But this guy in front of me asked me if I needed tissues which I did accept and he gave me some.
It was alright, until he said "crying doesn't make it any better" and it did sour my mood. but before that I just said I had some personal problems, I didn't want to give out details. But holy shit dude you probably would have been better off without saying anything
Hey it's ok here's some icecream.
What if they’re crying because they’re addicted to ice cream?
Who would cry because of that? Heh not me for sure. Icecream is life. Unlesssss your lactose intolerant then your kinda screwed.
do we have to actually have icecream or do we just say that?
I tried that one but the person got even sadder because I didn’t actually have ice cream with me
You need more context. Depending on the reason you'll need to behave differently.
Ask if everythingis okay and if they need a hug.
In my case there’s nothing you can say. I don’t want to be told that “everything will be okay.” Or “it will get better.” I just a hug.
"Is there anything I can do to help? Water, a hug, a tissue?"
I just give them a hug.
"Hey buddy, need a hug?"
Just hug them
You just ask them what's wrong and let them vent at you. Say nothing and listen to them until they finish or ask you a question.
You will be surprised what good just listening to someone's problems can do to help.
Is there something I can do to help?
“Is it because of your hair?”
Nothing. I’d simply hug them and give them the bodily cue that it’s okay and that it’s okay for them to be vulnerable around me. (Assuming that me and the said person are friends)
I start with "do you want to be left alone"
If answer is no then i follow up with "do you want solutions or comfort"
If you know the one crying, say nothing. Just hug.
But do NOT try this in Finland!
Only with consent. Don't touch people without their consent. Not everyone is happy at being hugged.
Oh shit no. I tried to give a hug to someone who was really upset wnd they fully lashed out on me. I'm a hugger too. I still can't get over it.
For some people engaging in a hug feels like holding a press conference.
Thing is I was friends with them at the time and nothing indicated this would be the reaction so I was seriously caught off guard. I sort of went to hug automatically in response to seeing tears and you know I never had anyone not hug in that situation... Anyway lesson learnt! Not everyone wants a hug just ask first lol
Yeah it sometimes feels overwhelming. But I’d say it’s okay to sort of just … try slowly. And if they back away break it.
Myself if I’ve ever actually angrily pushed someone away, it’s because I’ve been squirming and trying to get away for a bit and they’re ignoring it.
If someone just came in silently to hug me, but I shrank away, and they didn’t take it personally and dropped it there, it wouldn’t bother me.
It’s the persistence that drives me crazy and makes me want to start wrenching free.
"Want a hug?"
you don't necessarily have to say anything cuz' sometimes just feeling someone's presence is comforting enough
though if you really really feel like you gotta say sth I'd suggest "do you wanna talk about it?"
if they say no just don't say anything. If they say yes just listen to them
Or. Do you want to talk about it?
I dont say, i usually just sit nearby.
Offer a hug or some headpats.
~~im just bad at talking okay?~~
Nothing. I usually just give them a hug if we’re close. If we’re not close I’ll sympathetically and awkwardly tap their shoulder. 😅
Normally I let them have a moment maybe if they are close and they give the okay I embrace them with a hug until they are ready to talk if they want to and if not we move on from it.
Whatever is happening your feelings are valid and I’m here if you need me.
Maybe give them a napkin or give them a hug
A long hug and a pat on the back is more than enough for me.
Sometimes its best just to stay slient. Just being there for support shows that you care. When they are ready to talk just listen and let them vent if necessary. Be patient, if they say something that ends up being offensive just understand that they are upset and could be all irrational thinking.
Give them a nice big hug. It can really help and turn things around. They will remember that
"Can I get you anything (glass of water)? Do you want to talk about it? Do you want me to stay or be alone? Okay, I'm going to be in the other room if you need anything."
I add that last statement because most people want to be alone unless you're a close friend or family member, but you can let them know you're still here for them by saying close and "leaving the door open" for them to talk later.
I normally just ask if there is anything I can do to help. I'm useless at dealing with emotions but I saw that somewhere. Can someone who feels emotions and knows how they work fill me in? Is that a good thing to say?
Ask them if they'd like to talk about it or if they want help fixing the problem.
Thanks, I appreciate it
Hug if thats okay, don’t stop the crying just comfort them. I don’t cry often but when I do I just want to be embraced, but like if I consent to it obviously…
Nothing. I comfort people the way I would want people to comfort me. Give me silence while I cry. Don't say anything, don't do anything besides sit there. Don't try to sympathize with me just sit there. I don't want you to hug me or rub my back, just stay next to me and don't leave.
Nothing, just give them a hug. They need it. Then you tell them youre there for them.
If I know the person well, I dont usually ask,but I give them a hug. In my experience, they will sometimes say no, but the way they say it is like,no that's okay, you dont have to. They want a hug, they just wont want to say it. Again, this is if you know the person well.
If you aren't too close, you should wait for them to speak first and go off of that. You don't know if they even want to talk. Sometimes letting out a cry helps all on its own, and trying to jump into their raw emotion state with questions can feel insincere, no matter how genuine you are being.
"Hey, I'm here for you. Do you want me to just listen or help you fix this?"
My boyfriend just started singing Eye of the Tiger as I’m crying reading Crying in H Mart and that worked pretty well.
I've had some real shit going on this week and have cried a LOT. I'd say don't say anything. Big hug or a hand on the shoulder and some patience is all that's required
Mainly you listen and let them talk. Then if they want give them a hug and tell everything will be okay.
"Do you want to talk ?"
"Do you want me to stay ?"
"Do you want something to eat/drink ?"
"Do you want me to get someone in particular ?"
"I'm here if you need me"
"Can I help in any way ?"
Maybe it's a lot of questions but I'm the kind to make sure my friend is in a safe space when vulnerable. Even if they don't want me/anyone around I tell them that they can always call me to talk or spend time together later. I think it's important to remind them in these moments that they'll always have me around if they need me, so they don't feel alone or ignored
Give the person a tissue, take him/her to a quiet place and ask if he/she wants to talk about it.
Sometimes the person just need to cry and to give an emotional hug is enough
you are so good looking
There is always an applicable Seinfeld reference
don't say anything. Just hug them silently and wait until *they* say something.
Well some people don’t really want comfort or advice. They just want to let it out yk? Like just cry on someone’s shoulder. So I usually just let them cry it out while hugging them. After, I just ask if they want to talk about it or nah.
If you want to talk about it, I’m here to listen but if you don’t I’ll respect that, but know I’ll be here for you regardless
I usually ask them what they need.
"What do you need? Do you want to talk it out? Do you need space? Do you need me to comfort you? Do you want me to keep you distracted?"
When you ask them this they can tell you exactly how you can help, even if it's by giving them space. Later on they may want to talk about it. Hope I was helpful :)
Depends on how close I am with them?
“Are you okay?”
“Do you need anything?”
“Is it okay if I hug you?”
“It’s okay, I won’t judge you”
Most of the times there is nothing to say just to listen that person. At the time they are crying in front of you or somebody else they just have enough of the situation they are passing through. But if you want to say anything one thing will definitely help is "I'm here for anything you need" and then if you can give them a hug
“Time sensitive question guys, pls answer.”
But I tend to just let them cry. We’ve all heard the, “It’s gonna be okay.” response. It feels used by now. Just sitting and being there means a lot more than anything anyone could say, in my opinion.
Ask them if they need a hug or if they are okay if I hug them. If they say yes I hug them and remind them everything is going to be okay and whatever is going on will soon get better.
Well, the go to is comfort, so you need to figure out what that person would need to feel better. Questions like:
Do you want to talk about it?
Would you like a distraction?
Are you okay if I'm just sitting here next to you?
Do you need a hug? (Only ask this one if you're already close to said person)
Are all great questions. Different people have different needs depending on why they're crying and how they respond to things.
Honestly, nothing. Hug them, let them cry on you, give them comfort, let them vent. If they want advice or your opinion, give it.
It depends on the case, because there are times where it's better not to say anything but just be there next to that person for not letting him/her feel alone in that difficult time.
It’s okay to cry. It helps get the feelings out. Would you like a glass of water and/or a hug? I’m here if you ever need to talk.
whats wrong little buddy?
tell them to watch shrek 2, great movie!
worked for me, cured for life
Cry your soul out, let it all out. I am here for you if and when you are ready to talk, or just need some company. Come here, I wanna hug you, if that's ok.
All of us go through hard times, there is always, ALWAYS, someone who knows and understands what you are going through. You are NEVER, EVER alone, never forget that.
No need for words. Hold her/his hand, hug them.
Has happened to me on 2 occasions, both time strangers. Regrettably, I didn’t respond as I would have, which would have simply been to hand them a bottle of water and tell them I hope they feel better soon.
I usually just let them get it all out, I listen to them and let them cry as much as they want then ask them if they want a hug, I give them advice IF they want it or just tell them I’m always there for them
"Everyone loves you, You're special and i'm always here if you want me" I always do that. And it always works.
It depends on who it is and their love language. For me if I'm not feeling well mentally I just want a simple hug or just squeeze my hand
Heres some things not to say/do:
If they look like there bout to break down dont ask if there okay. They aren't.
If there okay with it hugs are nice
Don't invade. If yhey dont wanna tell they dont have to.
Don't make fun of them
Don't edge them on
Crying is natural its not "unmanly" to cry nor a sence of weakness
Can I give you a hug?
If yes , hug them. Hold them. For as long as they want you to.
Make sure they know someone is with them.
If not, ask if they would like you to sit with them, or if they would like some water.
Make sure not to be too loud, maybe go with a soft "hey" to start things off.
Not everyone wants to be seen while they cry.
It depends, normally i just, go to the person and give them water, then if the reaction its positive...food or chocolate, normally after eating or while drinking theyll tell you whats wrong... dont give advice if not asked to, just listen.
Well that depends on a few things
1 did you make her cry?
2 are you close friends?
3 are they the opposite sex?
4 are they a boyfriend/ girlfriend?
5 or are you looking to be one.
6 what are they crying about?
To be dead honest sometimes saying nothing is the best, when I was younger one of my teachers my biggest role models saw me crying outside school on a bench and he just sat beside me and patted me on the back and sat with me for awhile, it helped immensely and we started talking about what was going on. Sometimes just the presence of someone is enough to have someone open up.
That depends on a few factors like age, relationship, context, and what they are crying about. Often a physical gesture like holding their hand or hug is appropriate. Something reassuring like, "It's going to be okay." Depending on the context, letting them be alone either by leaving or letting them leave may help.
Depends on why they are crying
I'm autistic and struggle with this kind of thing, my response is: "do you need a glass of water?"
Crying dehydrates you, and i don't want to make someone feel like they have to talk
Depends on the reason that they’re crying.
No! It must be with only one question mark to make it more relaxed. Three makes it sound like you're mad that they're crying
normally i dont care
I personally get very overwhelmed when someone openly asks what they can do for help. There are just too many options.
It's very nice when you offer help in a more direct way, something like "do you wanna talk?", "should I distract you?" or "do you want some water?"
Yes or no questions are easier to answer when you're a emotional mess.
But for me mostly works just holding a hand tbh.
"Do you want me to listen, do you want me to tell you why you're wrong, or do you want solutions?"
And you stick to that
You want water?
Depending on who it is I usually don’t try to help because it never helps I just console them or leave them be depending if they want me to stay or not
Sometimes just being there is the best thing you can do. Don't ask are you okay or something like that cause they're obviously not.
Want some toothpaste?
You have the right right to be upset and cry it all out. Just please don’t let it affect you negatively or get to you. I know you can get through it you just need to give yourself a break to understand what’s wrong, and I’ll be here for you whenever you need me
this may sound like a joke but i ask them if they want water and/ or tell them to go wash their face
Nah my dad would say I'll give you something to actually cry about.
I thought this was just me!