T O P
tallyn1

Darold


Rosena3

My daughter has identical twins in her class named Shabaz and Shabez. When i chaperoned a field trip I could not tell them apart or remember their names so I called them both Shazam. Edit: these are not unattractive male names. These where confusing identical male twin names.


averagequalitystuff

My grandpas name was Penrod


Nosmo_King927

Fucking what


MissKris0403

I have an ancestor from the 1700s whose name was Skidmore Muncey. I used to tell my son he was lucky to have been born before I learned this information.


EggMountain

Imagine having to be called “Skidmark” at school every day.


maddiemason2020

I just saw this name today….Vandruff…..Like 2 people actually agreed on that name for their child?!


drugusingthrowaway

My neighbour from Jamaica told us to call him Frank. Somehow his drivers license ends up in my parents hands, and they find out his real name was Archibald. Apparently he hated it so he just called himself Frank.


Bagelchu

Arch or Archie is such a sick name and he went with Frank? Edit - how did I forget Archer my favorite show!


drugusingthrowaway

He would have been a kid when Archie comics were popular so maybe kids were making fun of the name?


Smackopotamus

Don’t forget the late NASCAR driver Dick Trickle. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Trickle https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


imreallytuna

My real name is Tuna i might win this one


Sebbot

Okay Jimbo


dbpf

Jimothy


Sad-Vermicelli-8584

Know a dutch dude named Tits. No joke Edit: wow 10k upvotes! Thanks y’all!


madmarcel

I knew a dutch guy called Fokko. He had serious reservations about going to any English speaking countries 😂


[deleted]

Sir. That’s a first name. Sir.


dandroid126

Yes, Mr. Sir.


phx33__

Jay-Z and Beyoncé have a son named Sir.


Powerful-Knee3150

And Jermaine Jackson has a kid named JerMajesty.


jearredo

My first name is Jacob and my middle is Edward. My friends call me Twilight haha. Just glad the books came out after high school


statepharm15

Yeah I had to go all high school with people being like “I’m not on team Jacob” or “go team Edward” And then the Jake from State Farm commercials came out


garlicgenes

Eggbert


Scrambo

“My friends call me Eggbert.” “That’s not very nice of them.” “Oh no, thats my name.”


GortKlaatu_

[Dr. Whet Faartz](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/funny-unfortunate-names-136-589db66a36417__605.jpg)


WrongStatus

Met a guy named Richard Drizzle...that's unfortunate...


otisthetowndrunk

There used to be a NASCAR driver named Dick Trickle. Didn't even bother going by Richard.


Eurymedion

Fenton. Good name for a deer-chasing dog though.


Salty-Salamander2140

Jesus Christ Fenton!!!


LeatherDaddyLonglegs

FENTONNNNNN


ChikinTendie

Don’t mind him, don’t madden him, he’s turned idiot. Killed our mother, but it weren’t his fault.


WindshieldGooseBelly

Literally finished this mission just now


Famous-Ad-2880

Maxibillion. Much better than Maximilian lol.


maxiquintillion

Well fuck you too


ApplesauceDoctr

I thought this was hilarious even before I saw your username


maxiquintillion

It was so perfect I had to refresh the comments to be sure 😂


lfg472

God damn inflation is taking over names!


estersings

I have a guy in my class who's name is Blandon. I mean he has bland in his name.


Certain_Oddities

Blendin Blandin!


vashtaneradalibrary

Read this while watching Gravity Falls. Perfect timing.


rablandy

Bland is my last name and I’m a chef lol


cluckyblokebird

I'd love to try Bland food, looks really good.


Uncle-Cake

My brother went to high school with a dude named Barry Boring.


caseybvdc74

Anything that rhymes with molester


kernelius

I have a nephew named Anfernee who always gets mad when I call him Anthony.


konoiche

Almost as mad as I get when I think about how she named him Anfernee.


Global_Sort_2653

Jimbob


FatMacchio

Joshua Duggar


Bakedalaska1

Ok but... Spurgeon


notmynaughtyprofile

My parents Dog is called Jim-Bob. He arrived with the name so they’ve readjusted it to Jimothy Robert… he’s a cutie


Useful-Designer2575

I went to school with a kid named "Shabum,"


MeisterbaumYT

life could be a dream


HoriCZE

if I could take you up in paradise up above


billye116

Pubert


Funnysox69

Fun story: my whole family went as the adams family for Halloween and naturally as the youngest I was relegated to pubert Adams. Long story short it took a while for my ego to recover


conspiracyeinstein

Fucking *PUBERT*?!


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knovit

With his sister Methany


Munchmyboonga

Cousin Methbert


Dongledoes

My friend dated a girl in highschool whose name was Crystal Meth White. Yes I am serious


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beautifulcreature86

A Florida woman was arrested for selling meth and her name was actually crystal metheny. Her parents were addicts. Fucking shit life and dragged in their kid. She had no hope.


iloveokashi

Lol. What do you think of parents who named their kids covid? There were a handful of them.


Jamaican_Dynamite

Their parents clearly hate them. It's the only explanation I can think of.


JimmyChitwoodsDad

It depends on the last name. I knew a kid named Pat Fenis.


juicifer_pandora_rex

i was in job corps with a kid named Denis Apenis. like....its bad enough your last name is Apenis. but then you go and name your kid Denis?! not even Dennis. but *Denis*. thats just straight up child abuse.


Bob_Dobalinaaaa

I don’t care if that’s true or not. fucking funny


hhcboy

Bort


CanadiangirlEH

Come along, Bort!


theBenchmarker

My son is also named Bort.


[deleted]

Attention Marge Simpson: We have also arrested your older, balder, fatter son


[deleted]

I'm so embarrassed. I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die


foobarbizbaz

Okay, throw her in the hole


riverspiv

We're out of Bort license plates!


ManyThingsDeck

Fun Fact: At Universal Studios, the gift shop outside the Simpsons ride sells Bort souvenir license plates. Bort everything really.


angrymonkey

I bet they actually run out of them faster than any other name.


IcedBanana

They do. My friend was very disappointed to get to the shop and find that they were out. I think she settled for a bort bottle opener.


chadsexytime

How annoying must it be to work there and actually be out of *Bort* licence plates.


Ormsfang

When I was a teen Playboy did a survey of names for attractiveness. Mine came in second to last. Stanley


longwalktoday

I read this too fast and was like, they have teen playboy?


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Moke_Smith

Not so fast. In the late 70s or early 80s there was a creepy-as-fuck poster sold at Spencer Gifts in my local mall of a topless, heavily made-up, blonde ten-year-old girl covering her chest with her hands and the caption, "Can you believe I'm only 10?" I started to do an image search to confirm I wasn't misremembering, but thought better of it.


CuntyReplies

Stanley Yelnats


That_Sunbro

Looks like you read that book about digging holes


RapIsGoodKpopIsBad

I read the book and the movie


792846

You read the movie?


dropthemasq

Billiam. Seriously. Parents knew if they called him William ppl would just call him Bill so..... Billiam.


twiglike

What is that logic lol


Etticos

Would they not still just call Billiam “Bill”?


spain-train

Plot twist: everyone called him Will.


Slaphappydap

I've told this story before, and it sounds made up, but my dad's boss's name was Harry Dick. He didn't go by Harold, or anything like that. He went by Harry Dick. My dad was a Warrant Officer. His boss was a Major. Major Harry Dick. Major Dick. It's real. And you'd ask, was he a good dude, like did he have a good sense of humor about it? Nope, no one liked him. He was a major dick.


CoyoteDown

“How many dicks we got on this ship anyway?!!?!”


SPeCCoLT

Cant find my name, nice.


ColdSmile978

Im actively trying to find my name lol Edit: If you wanna find my name you have to find my reply to the comment that mentions it.


Majestic-Macaron6019

Eustace. My favorite opening line of a book, from *Voyage of the Dawn Treader*: "There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it"


shady_businessman

#That's it! #I'm getting me mallet!


pronouncedroy

Return the Slab


-_a

I know someone who named their kid Eustace because they'd seen it in a CS Lewis book and loved it. Cannot believe this is the fucking context lmaooo


laffydaffy24

Lol. He learns and grows a lot over the series and turns out pretty cool, but he is just the worst for a good long while.


peppercupp

"Stupid Majestic-Macaron6019, you made me look bad! Ooga booga booga!"


Ife2105

Stupid dog


charlie0204

My mom's boyfriend's daughter just had a baby and named him Buck Jr. So yeah...


[deleted]

I’m also sorry to Buck Sr.


tricksovertreats

Buck Jr's dad's name is Dave


[deleted]

It’s fucking Buford and you all know it.


TheIrishninjas

No word of a lie, it somehow hadn't clicked in my brain that there were people called Buford other than that one Phineas and Ferb character.


Back2Bach

Fester


cornchip

I knew a guy named Festus


pwnateh

Festus for the rest of us


Princesscrowbar

There was a politician where I grew up (NH, United States) named Dick Swett.


Crack_Ulla

Cletus


rhubarbeyes

The slack jawed yokel


Jazco76

Some folks will never lose a toe but then again some folk'll...


jazziboi6969

I met a dude named Jonald. Not a crumb of pussy for that poor bastard.


crob_evamp

No one in my life but HR would know me as anything other than Jon


coke125

That’s like that meme where you name your kid Lizard so she goes by Liz but she knows deep down that it’s not short for Elizabeth


history7s

Name your daughter mayonnaise but call her May.


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mshcat

Family guy with Meg's name being sort for Megatron


Dsilkotch

My daughter’s name is Elizabeth. Sometimes I call her Lizard Bits. She’s never objected, so presumably it won’t come up in future therapy.


JonSatire

My sister we call Lizard Breath for the same reason


dovanick

"And whats you're name?" "Janiel" "Im sorry?" "Janiel. Think Daniel, think January. Janiel" "Ok, and yours?" "Danuary"


TheHornyToothbrush

I'm a John and when someone asks me if it's short for Johnathan I always say "No it's short for Johnald". Usually gets a laugh.


weedysexdragon

Jimothy.


JacobHBO

I can tell you the most attractive and it belongs to my skateboarding cousin Throckmorton


Lil_Cheesy_Bean

Bruh that name is from the 1600’s, there was a Throckmorton plot to overthrow Queen Elisabeth in Britain


IT_AccountManager

What is your name?


anbelroj

Tony!!


FreshMarvin

Fuck you, Tony


anbelroj

What’s your name >:(!?


wow-thisishard

Ezekiel!!


zee_jay29

Fuck you Ezekiel


keepyourbible

I guess what I did last night


TheNorseBastard

Dont you bring my mother into this!!!


iinaasking

I build that fire over there ..


P1nealColada

Oh


envytnc

I had a Vietnamese friend named Phuc Dat


bulbishNYC

There was a guy in my class by the name of Porn Pot. His emails never came through.


QueerFlower22

Gaylord is such a stupid name


VisionInPlaid

Gaylord M. Focker?


Rovollo

I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?


Tripechake

Unless you’re gay.. then it’s pretty dope.


noahboah876

Yeah Imagine walking in to a bar and going “it is I, lord of the gays, gay lord!”


PMmeyourw-2s

Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical homosexual ceremony!


residentweevil

You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery drag queen threw a dildo at you!


PhysicalStuff

Ambiguously gendered people lying in ponds distributing phalli is no basis for a system of government.


Golden-games27

I’ve always found people named Hunter to be assholes. If you are named hunter and reading this, I’m sure you are a nice person, but every hunter I’ve met has been an asshole


ihategeometry

There's a family who lives a few towns over that everyone knows because they named their three boys hunter, trapper, and Fisher. They are all gargantuan assholes Edit: just messaged my sibling who actually knew the kids what their names are, and yall are gonna get a kick out of this. Heres the message: "Hunter, fisher, trapper, tanner, and I think arrow? Not too sure on that one but the other four definitely" THERES A TANNER TOO AND POSSIBLY ARROW. This is the best day of my life


keketastic

Damn missing the prospector and the trader


PristineObject

Butcher, Baker, Candlestickmaker.


purple-lepoard-lemon

You took me by the hand...


candyflipoclock

Made me a man


[deleted]

That one night


JAYTV-dramatv

I knew a soldier named Spider Webb. Had to see his ID


Bro_Hammer_5000

Wish I didn't open this thread. Saw my name and now I'm sad.


RememberTurboTeen

My condolences, Blandon


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teagh0st

Fester literally means harder in German


The-Imperator_

Norbert is that you???


maska90

Im Norbert and now im sad too :(


randomanon1109

Bro Hammer 5000 is a dope ass name and don't let anyone tell you otherwise


Nova_Phoenix

There is an actual doctor that works/lives near my city named: Dr. Loki Skylizard. He was adopted and his parents let him choose his name at around age 8. I couldn’t be more serious about this. Look him up. (p.s. maybe this is the wrong thread for this info but I think it’s bad fucking ass)


SleepWouldBeNice

The Urologist who did my vasectomy was Dr. Payne. Nice guy. Soft hands.


ctrl_alt_excrete

Was his first name Richard? Dick Payne would be an amazing urologist name.


One_for_each_of_you

Hand to the sky, my mother had a gynecologist in the 80s and 90s named Harry Beaver. Not Harrison. Not Harold. Dr. Harry C. Beaver. Edit: Holy shit!!! I just googled him and he's still alive. He's still an ob/gyn.


jicty

The question was what the most unattractive name is. Loki Skylizard definitely fucks.


ToroAR99

Coolest name ever


InfiniteLife2

Imagine kid choosing his nickname for fortnite and now it's his name forever


sleepy--ash

sounds about right for an 8 year old choosing their own name. When I was about 12 or so I thought of the name “Firewind”. Then a year or so later I wanted to be called “Spike” edit: if “Spike Firewind” becomes a thing I want royalties, along with the dude who replied to me


GAZUAG

Spike Firewind sounds pretty good ngl


OmarHadi5

hahaha that has to be the best thing i've read today.


Affectionate-Ad-9489

I work with a younger guy named Ebenezer


Deyvicous

ebbin on my neezer til I scrooge


deltaretrovirus

Gaylord and Horst, a German classic


Bengalsfan610

I like Horst, reminds me of the blacksmith from Eragon


LoxuMan

Biff Guys with this name like to con you on every job that they do for you


ManagementOk2237

Why don't you make like a tree, and get outta here?


AssignmentOpen6112

I’m sorry to anyone who’s been personally victimized by these comments


senfili

that's a pretty long name


JimmyMaximusIII

Fuck you guys thats my name


LoadDropper69

Lester


Many_Ability

*GTA V phone starts ringing*


jakepaulfanxd

Creepy uncle lester


zhawk55

"I like my scores like I like my dates, across the street and unaware that they're being watched" -Lester Crest


[deleted]

Had a cousin named Bobo. Have another cousin named Odus. Great uncle named Gus, another Great Uncle named Harold, yet another named Talmage. I'm origially from rural Appalachia. We have...interesting names.


bootyjive

Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabado


TigerSardonic

That’s the worst name I ever heard.


HintOfAreola

*cries*


DJF_62

Hingle McCringleberry


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Thorbork

I picture them as snobbish beaver with a dumb brither called Dagget.


korikore

Awww I picture Norberts as cute, chubby grandpas


Cash_Crescendo

Ethernet


DonttouchmethereUwU

Cumberland “Cum” Posey was a former American baseball player.


whimsy_rainbow

-ayden anything. Brayden, Kayden, Ayden, Zayden, etc. Yuck it’s way too popular too. My sister is debating on naming her son Kayden. I’m like nooooo…


Rare-Outside-8105

According to the lack of dates I've had in my life, Ken


LatterBlood

One day you’ll find your Barbie


Rare-Outside-8105

I did and it was a match forged in hell. She wasn't known for being mentally stable.


1_UpvoteGiver

next barbie you meet you open with, "come on barbie lets go party" and if she doesnt respond with "ah ah ah yeah", shes not the one. save yourself time


casariah

My dads name is Ken. My mom met him through a letter when he was in prison. He's dead now. Rip.