By - TheStlyleBender
My daughter has identical twins in her class named Shabaz and Shabez. When i chaperoned a field trip I could not tell them apart or remember their names so I called them both Shazam.
Edit: these are not unattractive male names. These where confusing identical male twin names.
My grandpas name was Penrod
I have an ancestor from the 1700s whose name was Skidmore Muncey. I used to tell my son he was lucky to have been born before I learned this information.
Imagine having to be called “Skidmark” at school every day.
I just saw this name today….Vandruff…..Like 2 people actually agreed on that name for their child?!
My neighbour from Jamaica told us to call him Frank.
Somehow his drivers license ends up in my parents hands, and they find out his real name was Archibald. Apparently he hated it so he just called himself Frank.
Arch or Archie is such a sick name and he went with Frank?
Edit - how did I forget Archer my favorite show!
He would have been a kid when Archie comics were popular so maybe kids were making fun of the name?
Don’t forget the late NASCAR driver Dick Trickle.
My real name is Tuna i might win this one
Know a dutch dude named Tits. No joke
Edit: wow 10k upvotes! Thanks y’all!
I knew a dutch guy called Fokko.
He had serious reservations about going to any English speaking countries 😂
Sir. That’s a first name. Sir.
Yes, Mr. Sir.
Jay-Z and Beyoncé have a son named Sir.
And Jermaine Jackson has a kid named JerMajesty.
My first name is Jacob and my middle is Edward. My friends call me Twilight haha.
Just glad the books came out after high school
Yeah I had to go all high school with people being like “I’m not on team Jacob” or “go team Edward”
And then the Jake from State Farm commercials came out
“My friends call me Eggbert.”
“That’s not very nice of them.”
“Oh no, thats my name.”
[Dr. Whet Faartz](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/funny-unfortunate-names-136-589db66a36417__605.jpg)
Met a guy named Richard Drizzle...that's unfortunate...
There used to be a NASCAR driver named Dick Trickle. Didn't even bother going by Richard.
Good name for a deer-chasing dog though.
Jesus Christ Fenton!!!
Don’t mind him, don’t madden him, he’s turned idiot. Killed our mother, but it weren’t his fault.
Literally finished this mission just now
Maxibillion. Much better than Maximilian lol.
Well fuck you too
I thought this was hilarious even before I saw your username
It was so perfect I had to refresh the comments to be sure 😂
God damn inflation is taking over names!
I have a guy in my class who's name is Blandon. I mean he has bland in his name.
Read this while watching Gravity Falls. Perfect timing.
Bland is my last name and I’m a chef lol
I'd love to try Bland food, looks really good.
My brother went to high school with a dude named Barry Boring.
Anything that rhymes with molester
I have a nephew named Anfernee who always gets mad when I call him Anthony.
Almost as mad as I get when I think about how she named him Anfernee.
Ok but... Spurgeon
My parents Dog is called Jim-Bob. He arrived with the name so they’ve readjusted it to Jimothy Robert… he’s a cutie
I went to school with a kid named "Shabum,"
life could be a dream
if I could take you up in paradise up above
Fun story: my whole family went as the adams family for Halloween and naturally as the youngest I was relegated to pubert Adams. Long story short it took a while for my ego to recover
With his sister Methany
My friend dated a girl in highschool whose name was Crystal Meth White. Yes I am serious
A Florida woman was arrested for selling meth and her name was actually crystal metheny. Her parents were addicts. Fucking shit life and dragged in their kid. She had no hope.
Lol. What do you think of parents who named their kids covid? There were a handful of them.
Their parents clearly hate them. It's the only explanation I can think of.
It depends on the last name. I knew a kid named Pat Fenis.
i was in job corps with a kid named Denis Apenis. like....its bad enough your last name is Apenis. but then you go and name your kid Denis?! not even Dennis. but *Denis*. thats just straight up child abuse.
I don’t care if that’s true or not. fucking funny
Come along, Bort!
My son is also named Bort.
Attention Marge Simpson: We have also arrested your older, balder, fatter son
I'm so embarrassed. I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die
Okay, throw her in the hole
We're out of Bort license plates!
Fun Fact: At Universal Studios, the gift shop outside the Simpsons ride sells Bort souvenir license plates. Bort everything really.
I bet they actually run out of them faster than any other name.
They do. My friend was very disappointed to get to the shop and find that they were out. I think she settled for a bort bottle opener.
How annoying must it be to work there and actually be out of *Bort* licence plates.
When I was a teen Playboy did a survey of names for attractiveness. Mine came in second to last. Stanley
I read this too fast and was like, they have teen playboy?
Not so fast. In the late 70s or early 80s there was a creepy-as-fuck poster sold at Spencer Gifts in my local mall of a topless, heavily made-up, blonde ten-year-old girl covering her chest with her hands and the caption, "Can you believe I'm only 10?" I started to do an image search to confirm I wasn't misremembering, but thought better of it.
Looks like you read that book about digging holes
I read the book and the movie
You read the movie?
Billiam. Seriously. Parents knew if they called him William ppl would just call him Bill so..... Billiam.
What is that logic lol
Would they not still just call Billiam “Bill”?
Plot twist: everyone called him Will.
I've told this story before, and it sounds made up, but my dad's boss's name was Harry Dick. He didn't go by Harold, or anything like that. He went by Harry Dick.
My dad was a Warrant Officer. His boss was a Major. Major Harry Dick. Major Dick.
It's real. And you'd ask, was he a good dude, like did he have a good sense of humor about it? Nope, no one liked him. He was a major dick.
“How many dicks we got on this ship anyway?!!?!”
Cant find my name, nice.
Im actively trying to find my name lol
Edit: If you wanna find my name you have to find my reply to the comment that mentions it.
My favorite opening line of a book, from *Voyage of the Dawn Treader*: "There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it"
#I'm getting me mallet!
Return the Slab
I know someone who named their kid Eustace because they'd seen it in a CS Lewis book and loved it. Cannot believe this is the fucking context lmaooo
Lol. He learns and grows a lot over the series and turns out pretty cool, but he is just the worst for a good long while.
"Stupid Majestic-Macaron6019, you made me look bad! Ooga booga booga!"
My mom's boyfriend's daughter just had a baby and named him Buck Jr. So yeah...
I’m also sorry to Buck Sr.
Buck Jr's dad's name is Dave
It’s fucking Buford and you all know it.
No word of a lie, it somehow hadn't clicked in my brain that there were people called Buford other than that one Phineas and Ferb character.
I knew a guy named Festus
Festus for the rest of us
There was a politician where I grew up (NH, United States) named Dick Swett.
The slack jawed yokel
Some folks will never lose a toe but then again some folk'll...
I met a dude named Jonald. Not a crumb of pussy for that poor bastard.
No one in my life but HR would know me as anything other than Jon
That’s like that meme where you name your kid Lizard so she goes by Liz but she knows deep down that it’s not short for Elizabeth
Name your daughter mayonnaise but call her May.
Family guy with Meg's name being sort for Megatron
My daughter’s name is Elizabeth. Sometimes I call her Lizard Bits. She’s never objected, so presumably it won’t come up in future therapy.
My sister we call Lizard Breath for the same reason
"And whats you're name?"
"Janiel. Think Daniel, think January. Janiel"
"Ok, and yours?"
I'm a John and when someone asks me if it's short for Johnathan I always say "No it's short for Johnald". Usually gets a laugh.
I can tell you the most attractive and it belongs to my skateboarding cousin Throckmorton
Bruh that name is from the 1600’s, there was a Throckmorton plot to overthrow Queen Elisabeth in Britain
What is your name?
Fuck you, Tony
What’s your name >:(!?
Fuck you Ezekiel
I guess what I did last night
Dont you bring my mother into this!!!
I build that fire over there ..
I had a Vietnamese friend named Phuc Dat
There was a guy in my class by the name of Porn Pot. His emails never came through.
Gaylord is such a stupid name
Gaylord M. Focker?
I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?
Unless you’re gay.. then it’s pretty dope.
Yeah Imagine walking in to a bar and going “it is I, lord of the gays, gay lord!”
Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical homosexual ceremony!
You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery drag queen threw a dildo at you!
Ambiguously gendered people lying in ponds distributing phalli is no basis for a system of government.
I’ve always found people named Hunter to be assholes. If you are named hunter and reading this, I’m sure you are a nice person, but every hunter I’ve met has been an asshole
There's a family who lives a few towns over that everyone knows because they named their three boys hunter, trapper, and Fisher.
They are all gargantuan assholes
Edit: just messaged my sibling who actually knew the kids what their names are, and yall are gonna get a kick out of this. Heres the message: "Hunter, fisher, trapper, tanner, and I think arrow? Not too sure on that one but the other four definitely" THERES A TANNER TOO AND POSSIBLY ARROW. This is the best day of my life
Damn missing the prospector and the trader
Butcher, Baker, Candlestickmaker.
You took me by the hand...
Made me a man
That one night
I knew a soldier named Spider Webb. Had to see his ID
Wish I didn't open this thread. Saw my name and now I'm sad.
My condolences, Blandon
Fester literally means harder in German
Norbert is that you???
Im Norbert and now im sad too :(
Bro Hammer 5000 is a dope ass name and don't let anyone tell you otherwise
There is an actual doctor that works/lives near my city named:
Dr. Loki Skylizard.
He was adopted and his parents let him choose his name at around age 8. I couldn’t be more serious about this. Look him up.
(p.s. maybe this is the wrong thread for this info but I think it’s bad fucking ass)
The Urologist who did my vasectomy was Dr. Payne.
Nice guy. Soft hands.
Was his first name Richard? Dick Payne would be an amazing urologist name.
Hand to the sky, my mother had a gynecologist in the 80s and 90s named Harry Beaver. Not Harrison. Not Harold.
Dr. Harry C. Beaver.
Edit: Holy shit!!! I just googled him and he's still alive. He's still an ob/gyn.
The question was what the most unattractive name is. Loki Skylizard definitely fucks.
Coolest name ever
Imagine kid choosing his nickname for fortnite and now it's his name forever
sounds about right for an 8 year old choosing their own name. When I was about 12 or so I thought of the name “Firewind”. Then a year or so later I wanted to be called “Spike”
edit: if “Spike Firewind” becomes a thing I want royalties, along with the dude who replied to me
Spike Firewind sounds pretty good ngl
hahaha that has to be the best thing i've read today.
I work with a younger guy named Ebenezer
ebbin on my neezer til I scrooge
Gaylord and Horst, a German classic
I like Horst, reminds me of the blacksmith from Eragon
Guys with this name like to con you on every job that they do for you
Why don't you make like a tree, and get outta here?
I’m sorry to anyone who’s been personally victimized by these comments
that's a pretty long name
Fuck you guys thats my name
*GTA V phone starts ringing*
Creepy uncle lester
"I like my scores like I like my dates, across the street and unaware that they're being watched" -Lester Crest
Had a cousin named Bobo.
Have another cousin named Odus.
Great uncle named Gus, another Great Uncle named Harold, yet another named Talmage.
I'm origially from rural Appalachia. We have...interesting names.
Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabado
That’s the worst name I ever heard.
I picture them as snobbish beaver with a dumb brither called Dagget.
Awww I picture Norberts as cute, chubby grandpas
Cumberland “Cum” Posey was a former American baseball player.
-ayden anything. Brayden, Kayden, Ayden, Zayden, etc. Yuck it’s way too popular too. My sister is debating on naming her son Kayden. I’m like nooooo…
According to the lack of dates I've had in my life, Ken
One day you’ll find your Barbie
I did and it was a match forged in hell. She wasn't known for being mentally stable.
next barbie you meet you open with,
"come on barbie lets go party"
and if she doesnt respond with "ah ah ah yeah", shes not the one. save yourself time
My dads name is Ken. My mom met him through a letter when he was in prison. He's dead now. Rip.