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What is considered unapproachable?

What is considered unapproachable?

-ArchitectOfThought-

There's probably nothing you can do about this in daily life unless you want to walk around purposely smiling. The best advice if youre trying to meet men outsode your house is to stop going to bars and clubs with 16 of your girlfriend's. Dont go with anymore than 2. No man wants to make a fool of himself infront of a theatre audience and women dont seems to get this.


AdDistinct4023

I don’t do bars or travel in groups though , anything else ? How can I seem more approachable , because honestly I feel like I’m such a nice person once you speak to me but I don’t think they get to see that because they don’t approach me


shaunna_thedork

why can't you do the approaching?


AdDistinct4023

I will, I got some advice in the comments


Bowledoffthebackside

Is part of this perhaps modern culture? It has been drilled into me from a young age to not bother or approach a woman I do not know. At a bar, party or via a friend I'll talk to a new woman, but on her own on the street? No way, it's something I have consistently been told is unwanted and also will have an extremely low success rate. Also factor in I think a lot of people now meet people for dating via dating apps. It's actually just the case that most guys won't approach any woman randomly and nothing at all to do with you. In situations when it's a friend of a friend or similar. Absolutely no harm in you breaking the ice and showing people you are friendly. Especially if you are confident this will come through after a bit of conversation.


-ArchitectOfThought-

Tbh id need to see a picture of you. Otherwise Tinder is your friend.


AdolescentTreadmill

Don't smile, avoid all eye contact, don't ask questions or get involved in conversations.


AdDistinct4023

What if she’s avoiding because she’s shy


AdolescentTreadmill

Well that's a different question entirely... shy people are often hard to approach. You can be a nice person, but being shy can still make you unapproachable to others.


Diablo165

Do you give off an open or closed vibe? My SO is approachable - she makes eye contact with and smiles at the people around her, chimes into random conversations, is fine with folks jumping into hers, she faces directly at people and is welcoming. She seems interested in and fascinated by people. I am unapproachable. I don’t look at people unless I need to interact with them. I tend to look at my destinations or vaguely around me to keep aware. I don’t butt into peoples conversations, and if people jump into conversations I’m having with someone, I tend to give them a look like they interrupted my conversation, which they have. I generally don’t smile at people, even if they smile at me. Especially if they smile at me, because if I smile back, they will want to interact with me, and I don’t want that. I tend to stand with my arms crossed, a closed off, unfriendly posture. I have a resting asshole face and look angry most of the time. Nothing about me is inviting unless you are unstable or so focused on how I look (I look good) that you disregard my demeanor. Do you sound more like my SO or me?


AdDistinct4023

I don’t know why I’m laughing but I sound like you hahaha, so how can I change that


Diablo165

Meeting people in big social situations tends not to work well for me...it's rare that I go to a party and connect with someone. Never happened at a bar or club. I tend to meet people through activity groups, mutual friends, and stuff like that. Rather than a random approach, it's more of a slow formation of rapport. I realize that doesn't answer your question...but I'm the way I am on purpose. Random people are too much of a gamble. I'm not open to gambling, so I'm not open to them. It's like a cold calling salesperson. The slow rapport build gives me a chance to observe how they behave in different settings and around different people, gives me a sense of them as people, their values...then I can make an informed decision about whether I'm open to them. **edit** /u/fearless_ad444 said: >Unapproachable is somebody who is in a hurry or on their phone Also me. I've been told that I walk like I'm heading into a fistfight.


AdDistinct4023

Oh my gosh like why am I relating too you so much , okay so what then? We continue to stick to unapproachable until someone is brave enough or?


Diablo165

Most of the women I've been with have approached me. I've approached two at parties and had that turn into relationships. Basically, it's a question of motivation. A motivated enough person will talk to you regardless of your demeanor. Or you'll be motivated enough by them to break character and approach. My first girlfriend had a resting asshole face as well. It took a few conversations and some nudging from a friend for me to finally ask her out. We didn't work, but she's still one of my good friends. I'm one of those *if it's not an emphatic yes, it's a no* people. The two women I approached both prompted that from me on sight. If someone approached me, I need to be emphatically into it, otherwise I politely decline. As a result, I have a relatively low body count for my age, and have not had very many relationships. But most of the involvements I've had have been high quality. As in 3 of the 5 women I've been involved with in the last 8 years have phds. Quality over quantity.


shaunna_thedork

having a phd doesn't automatically make a person of "higher quality." what a superficial way to characterize someone lolls


Domonero

She walks rapidly fast & always keeps her head aimed down like assassins creed weaving through a crowd I assume she wants people to avoid her at all costs


AdDistinct4023

Your funny hahaha, so basically , start walking slower


Domonero

I guess, or in order to look more approachable don’t walk like you’re being hunted by the FBI? Lol


AdDistinct4023

I hear you


Babbelisken

A spear or really really really long spikes.. possibly a moat.


slightlyunderwelming

The good news is when a man calls a woman “unapproachable”, it’s usually a good thing. To me, that means someone is so far out of your league, you literally don’t have the social status or the looks or the intellect or the money or whatever to approach them and talk to them. Unapproachable does not mean undesirable. My recommendation is show the behavior you want to see. People approach those who seem like they want to be approached. Talk to people, be open, try to act like the kind of person that YOU would want to approach.


AdDistinct4023

Love this advice thanks soo much, this I can try, your so right unapproachable does not mean undesirable


slightlyunderwelming

Good luck!


AdDistinct4023

Thank you 😭😭


weavebot

Do you have resting bitch face? Some people find girls too well put together intimidating as well.


AdDistinct4023

I don’t think I have a resting face but maybe sometimes I may come off as intimidating without being aware of it


weavebot

It's hard to say without actually knowing you, to be honest. I've been a bartender for most of my life and I've seen people hook up almost every night if my adult life, someone's inexplicably so. Best advice I can give is smile, not constantly and not big, but occasionally. Keep your chin up and your back straight. Eyes up above the horizon as well. But not at the ceiling. If you're taking to someone or engaging in any way, eye contact is good, but don't be awesome about it. Otherwise, eyes up.


AdDistinct4023

Thanks for this


weavebot

No worries, I just hope I help in some small measure at least. Good luck and happy hunting :D


AdDistinct4023

No you have , haha thank you , let the hunting games begin


JealousSpinach0

Honestly unapproachable could mean 2 things 1. They might think you’re too good for them and that if they tried to make a move you’d shut them down 2. Maybe you don’t look like you want to talk to anyone a lot of guys really don’t want to bother someone who doesn’t want to be bothered. Solution: try to start the interaction that would help many men are scared or simply don’t think that you would ever be interested in them so they don’t try. You sound like a pleasant woman men might see you as out of their league Edit: I didn’t include looks because anyone who cares wasn’t worth your time anyway


AdDistinct4023

Thanks for this I will definitely try approaching and see how that’s gonna go for me 🙏🏽


observantpariah

Usually that means your body language shows that you dont want to be talked to. You look uncomfortable or judgemental. You aren't looking around the room for people to talk to... You look around the room like you are looking for people to avoid. You give off a vibe of anxiety rather than eagerness.


AdDistinct4023

Okay, thank you for this


LVfutures

Strong feminist vibes makes one unapproachable.


AdDistinct4023

How can you tell the person is giving of strong feminist vibes, if they have not approached me yet to get to know of me


[deleted]

Unapproachable is somebody who is in a hurry or on their phone.


AdDistinct4023

Less phone okay


AdDistinct4023

Thank you


[deleted]

Yeah, I enjoy making small talk (with guys and gals), but won't attempt if I feel like I'm interrupting something. So yeah, I guess I would suggest to be present in your current surroundings. I'm curious to see if you notice people being more friendly. Have fun!


AdDistinct4023

I guess only time will tell hey but thanks so much


Willing-Painting9991

Any woman above a 6?


ChickenXing

Approachable is someone who looks friendly and has open body language that says "Approach me" When I make eye contact with you, do you reciprocate? If she looks away, I move on When I smile at her, does she reciprocate? If she looks away, I move on Friendly look and open body look language. Returns the favor when I make eye contact and smile. Do all of the above and dont be surprised to see me approach


DontDoThatDirk

Adding to what other people already suggested: be in the same league as the people around you. Don’t dress way better or look way better than everyone else. It scares me to make contact with someone I’ll have no chance with. I’d rather try on the ones that I think I have a realistic chance with. On the other hand don’t be super ugly too. By ugly meaning not taking care of yourself (hygiene, heath, manners and other things). Don’t wanna make contact with someone I’d always be bothered about the way they shove food in their face or their dirty long nails. If you’re a goddess: tome it down a little for the lay people. If you’re a swamp goblin: take care of yourselves better. Moderation is the key I believe. PS: I am an under average looking guy. I’m one of the uggos so no hate there, just facts. Tl;dr: don’t be super attractive if other people aren’t. Don’t be super ugly either.


letmehelp_u

What makes you feel you are unapproachable?


AdDistinct4023

People always ask me why I’m single and I respond with the fact that people don’t approach me so they automatically respond to me and say maybe your not approachable , so I’m trying to understand what that looks like from a guys perspective.


letmehelp_u

Why don’t you approach people then? I mean it’s good to question. And I totally get what that means. But I’m sure you’ve seen guys who you felt weren’t approachable


AdDistinct4023

Tbh two things , fear of rejection and honestly praying to God I’m not about to approach someone’s boyfriend!


letmehelp_u

Well.. it goes the same way the other way around. But at least you likely are very attractive, so not very likely to be rejected. And you don’t have to ask them out right away. Get to know them. You’ll find out if they’re taken or not.


AdDistinct4023

This I will try very sound advice. Thank you so much


letmehelp_u

You’re welcome. I’m sure whatever guy you approach will be very lucky. You sound very sweet.


AdDistinct4023

Thank you so much 🥺


letmehelp_u

🤗🤗🤗


AdDistinct4023

But maybe I should try this


Leadthrower123

Usually me I thought but, that hasn't seemed to be the case lately.


filmcowlel

Try approaching people. Are you on the heavier side? Physical attraction is usually a good way to start. Not to be rude or anything.


minimotres

Unapproachable means u look too serious


Salty-Pack-4165

Pissed look on her face is definitely a huge no-go sign for me. So are rainbow colored hair and many tattoos. Drunk/stoned/underage are also no-go.


AdDistinct4023

Hahaha I’m none of that but I hear you 🙏🏽


ImperfectDivinity

Me.


EverGreatestxX

Body language mostly.


Milling_Machine

Bad RBF. If you are difficult to read, you can forget it. It helps to start with a smile.


worshipfalseidols

Barbed wire


AdDistinct4023

😂😂