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WildAphrodite

Calling this as fake. No way in hell you were diagnosed with BPD at age 6 when it can't be reliably diagnosed until at least adolescence. Not giving yourself much credibility starting off with that.


losingmymind79

yep specialist who trained me said clin psychs are very reluctant to diagnose any personality disorder until 18, especially BPD. no way a 6 year old got this diagnosis


Athdks

Literally.


QuickAccident

and her personality disorder was neglected when she was a baby???


losingmymind79

didn't exist, doesn't get diagnosed at that age. she may have been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder if the behaviour was extreme but if there was trauma it's unlikely an ODD diagnosis would have been made that young


prinscess-z

INFO. I got BPD and was not diagnosed til after I was 18 as I was told you literally cannot be diagnosed til you’re an pretty much an adult? Personality disorders are very rare to be diagnosed with before 18 or adolescents due to it mostly been due to childhood trauma? Pretty sure 6 is wayyy to young?


Athdks

This. I was a mental health nurse for years and no doctor with an actual degree would diagnose a 6yo.


prinscess-z

I wouldn’t be surprised that her parents might be lying to her tbh. Could of been maybe autism and they refused to believe it? If she didn’t get help til she was hospitalised then maybe it has developed into more? I was originally diagnosed with anxiety and depression as a teenager and it wasn’t til I was hospitalised at 18 that they did a more thorough review while I was there and changed the diagnosis? Also you guys are amazing for everything single thing you do!!! Thank you!! I appreciate every single one of you that has worked with the mentally ill!! You are superheroes!


amydelgadoo

i endured a lot of trauma when i was a kid, so when i went to a doctors appointment at that age, my parents said the doctors explained to them that i was going to have mental problems as a grew older but i guess they didn’t care so they never bothered to look more into it until it started getting bad


itsmemissjackson

Nope. That's not how any of that works. You're lying and everyone here knows it. You're a brat and an asshole that abused a baby. End of story.


courtendra

Yeah, I’m a professional counselor. The criteria to diagnose BPD is that you HAVE to be an adult. Also the symptoms you describe do not match that disorder. Without doing an actual screening I can’t provide an actual diagnosis. But your symptoms are more in line with the autism spectrum. Especially with the lack of self regulation, lack of social skills, and form you take to self soothe.


QuickAccident

People can’t develop autism or even BPD because of trauma. Am I wrong??


lime411_

Isn’t BPD hereditary? I am on work to get diagnosed for BPD rn (21y) and I recall exhibiting a few symptoms (although MILD) at around age 9-10, but it’s really not until I was 20y that it really came out. And I experienced heavy trauma since I was 6y, not to mention the hereditary ones I got from my mother. Autism isn’t something you acquire cause of trauma. You’re born w it. It’s like ADHD, not like anxiety or depression


QuickAccident

I had a clear impression that BPD, depression, anxiety, borderline disorder and ADHD all required some underlying genetic predisposition to manifest, and that traumatic experiences and other factors just increased chances or maybe led to worse episodes. But maybe I’m wrong, any knowledge I have is based only on things I read online, never studied anything remotely close to this.


courtendra

Borderline personality disorder does not necessarily have to relate to genetics and it’s very much related to trauma. That’s why you also can’t diagnose that young… it’s a personality trait that develops. BPD is about the relationships you have with others. People are the best… or they can be the worst very quickly. People with BPD are also attention seeking to an extent. Depression and suicide attempts heavily fall in this disorder. Now bipolar disorder is much more hereditary. Symptoms of this can start MUCH younger and is often misdiagnosed as ADHD in kids as a manic episode looks different in children. Bipolar disorder also has nothing to do with trauma, but that doesn’t mean they could have this disorder AND have experienced trauma. So While the OP might have depression and anxiety (which can be a genetic predisposition but not necessarily) their symptoms do not specially align with the above disorders. Let me know if there are any other questions… I am actually an expert in this lol


QuickAccident

wow, that was a very detailed answer! thank you!


lime411_

Oh no for sure, for specific types of anxiety/depression, BPD, and borderline, autism do. I know that some times some anxiety and depression can not be genetically imprinted but can be triggered by external factors but I know the others are strictly genetically imprinted


Traditionalteaaa

Think of how much trauma you gave your baby niece who was defenseless and helpless when you pushed her to the ground.


Pumpumpkin666

That'd be the mother's fault. OP said they wouldn't watch the child with a contagious illness. Could OP have handled it differently? Obviously. Is it the mother of the child's fault for trying to force her sick child onto someone who's already refused to watch the child? Absolutely.


prinscess-z

That’s understandable. I know how hard it can be when you parents don’t listen. It’s never okay to push a child, but you’re still a child yourself. You’re still growing. And BPD makes it so much harder to grow. I get that. Sometimes our BPD makes us upset and snap at people, it doesn’t make it okay but realising and understanding what you did wrong means you’ll be on more of a lookout for that behaviour in the future. You’re family doesn’t sound the greatest so don’t push your friends away, listen to them. It sucks to hear that you were wrong or overreacted but the people who truely love you aren’t doing to hurt you, they are telling you because they care. You can grow from this. You can get better. I know it’s hard, harder than other people know, but just keep trying. You might be TA for this but just take it as a learning curve. You’re young. Don’t beat yourself up. Please try to keep taking your meds at a constant time. Set an alarm or reminder. It’s suck we need them to be normal but it’s really worth it if you stick to them. I promise


bisexual_fool

If your sister is refusing to treat her sick child and leaving her with someone who is clearly not in the mental space to be anywhere near children you need to call CPS.


Graves_Digger

YTA, you PUSHED a BABY. Literally 0 excuse.


amydelgadoo

i was off my meds and not in the right mind space, i get really paranoid with these kinds of things


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amydelgadoo

i had work and school and volleyball practice/games all week so i was just too tired and forgot, but i am constantly trying to get better and take my meds regularly (which i have gotten better at)


Graves_Digger

Are you medicated right now?


amydelgadoo

yes, i have been since the morning


Graves_Digger

And you're still making excuses and trying to dismiss the fact that you pushed a baby. So while you're trying to blame it on not taking your meds, that really has nothing to do with it or you would feel remorse right now.


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amydelgadoo

even though i’ve been taking them for two years now, i’m not sure how to actually maintain them. i’ve been asking my parents to let me see a therapist but they won’t let me so i’ll try the weekly pill thing


Ok_Asparagus_6404

A weekly pill box can really help because you can visually see whether you took your meds or not. Also take advantage of you cell phone. Set a daily reminder for the same time each day to take your meds. Also maybe a weekly reminder to fill the box.


Pycts

You can get pill bottles that tell you how long it's been since you opened the bottle last, as long as nobody is playing with the bottle it'll help you make sure that you've taken them if the weekly box doesn't work.


Gordossa

You set an alarm on your phone. And BPD isn’t like schizophrenia that suddenly gets better with meds. It’s a personality disorder - not a sickness. Your story has more holes than a pair of fishnets.


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Missmouse1988

They are getting downvoted because nothing in their post is accurate at all. I don't disagree that children can have mental health issues, because obviously they can. But absolutely nobody is getting diagnosed with a personality disorder at 6 years old. Most signs and symptoms of BPD start in late teenage early adulthood, when their personalities are really starting to develop and mature. It could be any number of other things prior to that, but BPD is not one of them. They state that they are on meds, but say their parents won't take them to a therapist. How are they getting these meds? Even if they had gotten a prescription at 6 years old prescriptions expire within a year. And the doctor is not going to write a prescription for someone who hasn't been there in a year. So that would have ended at 7 years old. On top of that there are no medications that are FDA approved to treat BPD, the most that can be done is medications to help with symptoms, and that isn't always reliable. While it is great when somebody recognizes when they need help there is a big problem when their story doesn't even remotely fit any factual evidence. I'm not denying that there may be something wrong with OP, but it's not BPD. And from other comments I read a doctor told them that they were going to have mental problems when they got older but didn't specify why or what or feel that they should maybe call CPS or something because of what causes that specific disorder. They got diagnosed but just started getting treatment 2 years ago, but their parents won't let them go to therapy so how are they being treated? It's one thing to want help, it's another thing to flat out lie. And I understand that every situation is different, but there are specific criteria that need to be met for a diagnosis, from an actual psychiatrist. None of this post makes sense and I'm going to assume that's why they are getting downvoted. There's way too many people claiming they have illnesses and disorders that they have never been diagnosed with and spreading massive misinformation which itself is detrimental. And mental illness isn't an excuse for anything.


itsmemissjackson

Doesn't matter. You abused a baby. Hopefully she remembers and never, ever trusts you for the rest of her life.


kittykatvegas13

Stop making excuses! YTA you pushed a child so hard she fell to the ground, you're a asshole


Graves_Digger

It's your responsibility to take your meds, especially if not doing so means that you ARE A DANGER TO SMALL CHILDREN.


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Traditionalteaaa

She’s also a child who can go to jail for manslaughter if the niece got hurt and died


Graves_Digger

Nah, I didn't forget I'm talking to a 15 year old who is plenty old enough to take their meds and NOT ASSAULT TODDLERS.


FireFox181

Dude, get your head out of your proverbial backside. While she did fuck up royally by pushing her niece, her sister is being a neglectful parent and trying to force everyone else around her to do her job. Did you even read the whole thing? Or are you just spoiling for a fight?


Somethingisshadysir

This is definitely a situation for ESH except for the toddler.


FireFox181

That's exactly what my judgment is, and for me the biggest assholes are the sister, the mother and the friends. OP is by no means innocent, but she acknowledges that she has something going on and wants to seek treatment/therapy for it. Yet I am seeing people condemning her like she committed a terrible crime and essentially wanting to throw stones at her.


Somethingisshadysir

Well, she definitely did do something pretty darn bad, and she also is old enough where she does need to realize that no matter what she has going on, it's never acceptable behavior to push a toddler. But yes, people do also need to realize that while she is failing her niece, the adults here are also failing her. She doesn't get a free pass to do awful things like push babies, but the adults around her also are not supporting her to get the treatment she needs, not to mention neglecting the kid.


TheAshenDemon4

Yeah that part sucks but again, no excuse. This is just not something you can do. Ever, and nothing someone says or does justifies it. That is why the answer to the direct question is YTA imo


Graves_Digger

Yeah. I read the whole thing. I still think OP is a raging AH for assaulting a toddler. Especially when they're doubling down and making excuses in the comments section. Sister sucks, but that doesn't give OP a free pass to commit child abuse, and neither does their failure to take their medication.


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Graves_Digger

Sorry, I don't dole out sympathy to child abusers regardless of their age or mental status 🤷‍♀️ especially since, as stated, OP is medicated right now and STILL making excuses for why what they did is okay. This has nothing to do with their instability or their age. It's not fucking okay and I'm not using kid gloves with someone who thinks it is.


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Graves_Digger

I don't care. You PHYSICALLY ASSAUALTED a THREE YEAR OLD. There is absolutely no excuse. None.


Itachistale

So her not wanting to take care of a toddler(unasked at fking midnight) which literally has a contagious infection is apparently worse than a mother neglecting her child (not caring about a contagious disease, leaving it with someone who is uncomfortable to care for it??


Graves_Digger

Not sure where you got that idea. I never said anything like that. I simply addressed the assault on the three year old.


Itachistale

I got the idea by you screaming at a 15 year old who was well within her rights. Ultimately it comes down to how hard she pushes the toddler, but sounds like she was well within her rights as she said, she pushed it AWAY and not shoved her to the floor.


Graves_Digger

Well first of all, a toddler isn't an it. And shoving a 3 year old to the floor is literally never warranted. Which is what OP blatantly said that they did. It really doesn't matter how hard someone with the body of an adult pushes a baby, it's literally never fucking okay.


Itachistale

That’s the point it comes down to how hard she pushed. She didn’t say shove which is a huge difference. She said pushed away. And any toddler with 3 years that I know is rather wobbly and would fall with the slightest touch which doesn’t necessarily mean assault


aardvarkmom

Any 15 yo who **lives with a 3 yo** knows that if you push them, they fall over, so *pushing them even a little bit is not okay.*


Somethingisshadysir

Doesn't matter, and never works as an excuse for pushing a baby. Never. You can be annoyed, yell at your sister, tell her off, tell your parents off, etc. That's all a human reaction. There is nothing you can say to excuse pushing her, though.


SovietSpy17

Okay, I am gonna tell it to you clearly: This is not an excuse. It might be an explanation but it is not an excuse. Even in the worst of times we are responsible for our actions. You are responsible for hitting your infant niece as well as not taking your meds. My bf had BPD (which kind off makes me doubt that you where diagnosed at 6 years old, but whatever). Sometimes this makes him lash out at me or other people, even when he didn’t mean to. You know what he does? He apologizes. Because the fact that the actions stem from BPD are not an excuse.


TheAshenDemon4

Thats a dogshit excuse. Imagine needing meds to stop yourself from assaulting children


Pumpumpkin666

Imagine not realizing the child's parent fucked up more than the 15yr old with mental issues. OP told the mother "no," mother blatantly ignored that, and sent the child over to OP knowing they didn't want the contagious child touching them (which the mother isn't taking care of said infection), and OP had a natural reaction to push something or someone away when they didn't want them around and very much expressed that more than once. Assault would be shoving the child with the intention to hurt them, which was obviously not OPs intention.


Phantomkitty32

ESH except that poor toddler Yes, you shouldn’t have been forced to babysit, and it’s awful that your sister even put y’all in this situation. However, you have absolutely no right, mental health disorders or no, to lay your hands on someone else, especially a child.


amydelgadoo

i do plan on apologizing to her as soon as her doctor tells her she doesn’t have the infection


Phantomkitty32

Why can’t you stand a few feet away and apologize? A simple “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you” and then leave the room. You don’t have to touch her, or even stand particularly close to apologize. Just make yourself stomach being in the same room for maybe 3 minutes max then go shower.


amydelgadoo

i tried this morning when my sister was in the shower but i felt like i couldn’t breath and left the room, i’m planning on apologizing correctly when her doctor gives her the go-ahead that she doesn’t have the infection anymore


Phantomkitty32

In that case you should also apologize for waiting to apologize, just to help her understand that you knew what you did was wrong and you where sorry you hurt her right away. Are you in therapy? Because bugs and infections triggering you can have drastic effects on your day to day life, and should be worked on, for your sake. Especially with how you talk about how triggered you were even being in the same room as her. I just hope you realize that this could have had drastic consequences for you, and for her. You could have really hurt her, and gotten into a lot of trouble if you did. You need to find a way to manage triggers without harming others. Over all, recognizing that you handled that poorly is a huge step in the right direction. Getting help to handle these triggers and emotions with be easier when your younger. ETA: I just saw you say in another comment that your parents will not allow you to go to therapy. I would start with a school counselor to see if there are any resources for kids in your kind of situation. I hope you have an adult in your life somewhere that can help you, instead of letting you down


amydelgadoo

i have spoken to a counselor but they won’t allow me without my parents consent, seeing how i’m a minor


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amydelgadoo

u literally misspelled while correcting me..


barcadreaming86

*breathe YTA


whiterice2323

ESH and based on your comments you need to realize that you could have caused serious damage to her, and that you are incredibly lucky that you didn't. Just because you didn't "throw her across the room" means nothing. Everyone in this scenario needs professional help and/or intervention, including your poor niece who is the ONLY victim here. It's unfortunate your parents don't seem to take your serious mental illness seriously enough, and in that situation you might not be TA, but that scenario has no bearing on this one.


amydelgadoo

thank you for understanding! i have had really bad breakdowns and while i’ve never directly hit anyone myself, i have thrown stuff which could’ve hurt someone and i know that it’s not okay, but i am trying to manage it in any way i can


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SnausageFest

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DaddyLonggLegss

You are clearly struggling and are not receiving the support you need. However, you should be sorry that you pushed a 3 year old because, well, she’s three. And you should apologize, not for what you feel and for not wanting to be around her, but because you pushed her. For that, I have to say, YTA.


FireFox181

Should be ESH, the sister sucks, the parents suck, OP also sucks but she sucks the least out of this bunch. Her sister is the worst offender, hands down.


luvduvbunny

YTA x 100 Stop making excuses regarding your medical issues. I hate when people use whatever issues they have (ex. Anxiety, OCD) as excuses for their shitty behavior. That fact that you spent a good deal of the post talking about your disorders makes it seem like you want to be seen as a victim and don’t want to take responsibility. When you get older, your employer will not give a shit what your issues are and/or if you’re on medications. They will tell you to get your shit together. And other adults will not want to tolerate you if you use these excuses. You pushed a toddler


amydelgadoo

i didn’t kill her, u can calm down


[deleted]

You could have though. Pushing a small toddler can cause major physical trauma and it doesn't take much to cause brain damage at that age. Physical assisting an innocent child at your age can wind up with you being arrested and tried as an adult. There was nothing stopping you from leaving for the toddler to not touch you or for calling the police if your sister abandoned her child. None of that is reason for your actions and any decent person would apologize for the action but not refusal to watch the kid.


TheAshenDemon4

Lmao you are the WORST


itsmemissjackson

You overreacted! To the point of shoving a literal baby to the ground. If you live with the child, you already have pin worms anyway, go get some medicine and shut up with your childish whining. Grow up and go live on your own if interacting with other humans is so hard for you. Other people, especially a baby, shouldn't have to suffer because you're a brat.


xxxdggxxx

What was stopping you from leaving the room?


mthefairy

Um, ESH So many INFO requests here What was a three year old doing up at midnight in the first place? I've never heard of pinworms but it sounds like none of you are making sure the girl is treated properly for them. Why is her mother deciding to go out at midnight, last minute, when her child isn't even settled for the night? Why is she trusting you to babysit when you're clearly not interested in seeing to her needs? **Ultimately, to answer your direct question, YES YTA. Regardless of diagnoses, no one has the right to mistreat a 3 year old, emotionally or physically. Full stop. If you can't be held responsible for your actions around her when you have had a headache or haven't taken your medication, then you shouldn't be around her.**


amydelgadoo

the pinworms can cause insomnia, which she has struggled with even before she got them, and like i said, i am terrified of any infections or viruses so i keep contact to the people who have them to a minimum (which is why i only pushed with two fingers). her mom wakes up at the same time my niece does so she “doesn’t have time” to do her laundry, while i have school, work and afterschool activities. her mom thinks that leaving her with me while i’m not in a right mental state will make me say yes, while she drinks and “relaxes”.


mthefairy

Listen, the one I'm worried about here is the three year old. I really hope there's some exaggeration going on in this thread cause otherwise some of the things you're saying are looking like serious red flags. The poor thing can't sleep and would probably say she's uncomfortable around infections now too, if she were even able to understand was wrong with her. (FYI, she's not able to understand, she's a toddler looking for comfort) What you're describing sounds like a very unhealthy environment all around which is not OK. Maybe your sister is struggling too but that's not an excuse to neglect her daughter emotionally or physically. You're only 15, but you need to see that diagnoses or circumstances aren't excuses for mistreating anyone, especially kids. Because if you can't be held responsible for your actions around them then you need to say that to someone. If you can't see how this is wrong by your niece (not you) then you need to have a serious think.


Inside-Suggestion-51

Pinworms are a thing and most people did get infected in their life. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinworm_(parasite)


amydelgadoo

my sister is my parents favourite, they’ve admitted it multiple times and help her more than they help anyone else in our family, that favouritism also extends to my niece. my parents take care of her when my sister goes to work and they do not mistreat her at all


mthefairy

I would hope they do help, as otherwise the poor kid isn't getting much sympathy or help from her mother or aunt by the sounds of it. It sounds like you're determined to find a way that you're not at fault in any of this situation (I'm talking beyond the pushing incident) and maybe that's OK, as I say, you're only 15. But please start to look to the future and ask yourself if you want to be able to step up and take responsibility for yourself as an adult. I'll also add, just googled Pinworms, it's not a life threatening condition- just icky. I see in other comments you won't even be in the same room as your niece- sometimes we need to look after the littlies and put their needs above our own. This has nothing to do with fairness, who should be doing what or parents favourites- none of that matters when there's a kid that needs caring for, we just do it cause it's right and because none of the other stuff is the child's fault, am I right?


kindcrow

If your niece lives with you, everyone who lives in the house should take a dose of over-the-counter pyrantel pamoate now and another two weeks from now. They should clear up quickly once you do that. Oh, and ESH except the poor little girl at the centre of it.


lime411_

I doubt that’ll happen given the baby’s mom is already being neglectful


Mr-sarcasticforyou

Holy cow you pushed a baby and she fell on her ass and started crying and now the poor baby is going to be traumatized for life and will be needing mental support and will become a drug addict and her life as we know it is over for ever! How can you live with yourself? Why haven't they thrown you on the pyre yet and burn you as the evil witch that you are??? Well at least that's what I get from the reactions here! Come on people, the girl has clearly issues that need to be addressed but nobody seems to care, she's obsessed with bugs and viruses and the little one has an infection that again, nobody else in the family seems to care about, her sister takes it for granted that she can go out as she pleases instead of taking care of HER kid and just walks away and then the kid runs up to this 15year old girl that made it very clear that she has problems with the kid having this infection and in a dumb panic move pushed away the kid and made her fall... But now she's the AH in everyone s book?? I'm sorry but she's clearly not the AH and most of you should get your priorities straight! Nobody seems to care about this girl's feelings or situation but everyone is pretty fast pointing the finger at her! Everything else that she said vaporizes into thin air the very moment you all saw the words "pushed her away" well it wouldn't have happened if the baby's mom would have been there for her now would it!? So No this girl is NOT the AH


Tofubrocloud

Fr! I'm glad I finally found someone who agrees. I've watched kids from 7-nb and you know kids push kids over all the time and theyre fine! I get that she shouldn't have pushed her but it happened, the child will be fine and probably never even remember it happening and people are forgetting that op is a minor too. The sister and parents are the ah in this situation, that poor baby needs help and so does op!


Stargazer-2893

ESH. Your parents suck, your sister sucks, and your physical reaction sucks.


rapt2right

ESH Shoving a toddler is basically never ok but her mother should be absolutely ashamed of herself for not treating the poor baby for the parasitic infection and cleaning everything up to prevent a recurrence and her using your things is bullshit. Your sister is also wrong for enlisting your friends and other siblings to harass you about this.


Somethingisshadysir

So, if you had just told off the adult as described, that would be one thing, but you pushed a toddler, who was walking to you with arms open in trust. Regardless that you had said no to watching her or that the adults are being neglectful about treatment for her illness, etc, you pushed a toddler. Everything else you would have been ok. But again, you pushed a toddler. That's not just a huge ah situation, it's abusive. ESH except your niece.


FireFox181

Those saying YTA clearly didn't read this thoroughly, they instantly went into reactionary mode. Me? I go with ESH, your sister for suddenly going out spur of the moment without any indication that she was going to do so, and then trying to force you to babysit your niece who has an infection that your sister has been blowing off. Personally, I would've said to your sister, "You go out that door, I'm calling the cops on you and having your sorry ass arrested for child abandonment." because seriously, who the fuck goes out at midnight? And for what reason? You did, however, fuck up royally when you pushed your niece to the floor. I get it, instinct kicks in when you're in fight or flight mode. Especially when your sister is trying to force you to do something you clearly don't have any desire to do. Doubly so since your niece is fighting an infection and again, your sister is being downright negligent. However, this doesn't make what you did okay. You should definitely apologize to your niece for that part, and again, give it to your sister both barrels. Call her out and do not let her go out that door. Your parents suck too, for enabling this behavior your sister pulled and for not getting you the treatment you need, or for taking into consideration how your condition works. Not to mention, for blowing up at you and only you, when they should be speaking to your sister about her actions too. The same goes with your friends for instantly taking your sister's side without hearing the whole story. Again, my vote is a solid ESH.


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FireFox181

I'm not blaming them entirely whatsoever, their sister is an asshole, but she did fuck up in pushing her niece to the floor.


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FireFox181

That is true, OP at least acknowledges that she has problems and wants to get treatment for it. She's being blown off, which sucks. I didn't condemn OP like others have been doing. I'm just saying she isn't innocent, she didn't handle it well. However, I commend her for acknowledging that she has a problem and wanting to get treatment.


Somethingisshadysir

You seriously think that's a valid excuse for pushing a toddler? The sister sucks, no question. She's awful, neglectful, and ignored op saying she wouldn't watch the kid. And the parents suck, for years of clearly pretending that op didn't need treatment for mental illness, as well as continuing to not be a support system. And despite these valid issues, op is still also in the wrong, because none of this excuses assaulting a 3 year old. Not a bit. Even within the bounds of what might be acceptable within a specific mental illness, there are standard ranges of what is truly unacceptable no matter what, assaulting toddlers being one of those things. Therefore, if op cannot control themselves from assaulting a toddler, op needs institution level help. I really hope that's not the case, but stop acting like it becomes ok. It doesn't.


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Somethingisshadysir

No no, no. There is always a choice not to push a 3 year old. That's the whole point. Some reactions are hard to control, but if you can't control aggressive reactions that might hurt someone innocent, then it becomes a situation requiring institutionalization.


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Somethingisshadysir

Mmhmm. I think I already said this, but I hope for their sake they ARE the ah by that logic, because it would be horrible if a teenager was already at such a point that healthy/reasonable behavior is already beyond hope.


responseableman

ESH. Your sister is a massive AH. The fact she is neglecting her niece who has a literal parasitic infection is disgusting. Her mistreatment of both you and her child is disgusting. She *is* a bad mom for not taking a literal parasitic infection that her toddler is suffering through seriously! It’s like she doesn’t care if anybody else gets infected, either! Your parents are also complete AHs. They have failed you completely with their neglect and ableism. Their behavior is absolutely horrible. They are completely brushing aside the fact that your sister literally abandoned her own child who is going through a parasitic infection and left her behind with another child with a history of mental health issues and severe triggers surrounding things such as illness. You are an AH for pushing her. While yes, I do understand how breakdowns and whatnot can feel and how they make you act irrationally, doing so in the first place was still wrong. It is good you plan to apologize to her, though. Your niece isn’t an AH. The adults in your family have failed the both of you greatly and it’s incredibly unfair and wrong that you have to go through this.


TerroDark98

YTA. You assaulted a child. End of discussion.


maybemaybo

ESH while your mental illness explains your actions, it's no excuse. At the end of the day, you pushed a child and should apologise, since she was innocent and just doing what she was told. She doesn't know any better. Your sister sucks since shes not treating her daughters disease and putting other's at risk. Your sister is neglecting to treat her child's illness and leaving her with a 15 year old at midnight, where the child should 100% already be asleep and definitely not left with an unavailable minor. Sounds like the disease is treatable with over-the-counter medication according to another commenter (but obviously consult a medical professional and check). Do you have an adult relative you trust to talk about this with? Sounds like someone needs to tell her to "get her shit together". If she tries to leave her child with you without consent again, say "I am not available for childcare and will call the police if you leave, since you've abandoned your child without a carer. I am completely serious." Your parents are AHs for enabling her behaviour. You're a teenager, not free childcare. Your niece is the only non-AH. Poor kid.


Extra-Hand-9705

You’re NTA but your family is. Yeah, pushing wasn’t the best response; if you’re in therapy or a BPD program you could speak to them about working on controlling your physical reactions in certain situations, such as this one. Your niece is only 3 but you can still apologize directly to her for pushing her. I think that’s the only apology needed. Your sister is a bad mom and she’s neglecting her child’s health. You’re not responsible for anyone else’s children and they should not be pressuring you to be. My wife has BPD and watching her go through some emotional situations can be tough; it isn’t an excuse for bad behavior but it is a reason behind it.


Familiar_Season8438

If your wife has bpd you should know enough about it to know op is lying. Bpd 100% cannot be diagnosed in a 6 year old.


amydelgadoo

i’m not in therapy but am trying to get my parents to let me go, when i am, i’ll try to apologize directly


CyclicRate38

Stop fucking lying. You do not have BPD. It's literally impossible to diagnose a child with BPD. You're just an entitled teen who pushed a 3 year old down. YTA.


reve_de_moi

If you're not in therapy you wouldn't have meds! Stop lying about having a condition you clearly don't have


LocalBrilliant5564

Esh she shouldn’t have left her child with you after you said no and you don’t push a toddler on the floor that’s not ok


S0uth3y

She tried to dump her child on you and leave, despite the fact that you told her you were unavailable for childcare, and now she thinks it's somehow YOUR fault? Screw that noise! NTA!


S0uth3y

Psychotic people are known for their good judgement in moments of stress. Sister is the one who set this shitshow in motion. She gets the blame.


FireFox181

Precisely this, goodness me, we got some real sycophants here tonight, eh?


ISwearIUsedToBeSmart

Not arguing just providing info: >The definition of a sycophant is a person who tries to gain attention by flattering wealthy or influential people. An example of a sycophant is someone who agrees with everything his boss says and who brings his boss gifts once a month. noun. That's not what is happening here. Kind of the opposite. No flattery happening here. Plenty of anger, though


mthefairy

So she should push the three year old to the ground? Might not have been hard enough to injure, but emotional abuse still counts.


S0uth3y

How many times a day do you figure the average three year-old sits down abruptly? Yeah, dozens.


mthefairy

I have a three year old so I'm well aware. Big difference between a toddler falling to the ground and their *caregivers* pushing them back and forth to each other in the middle of the night when they should be comforted to sleep.


TheAshenDemon4

She’s mad because she ASSAULTED THE CHILD, but okay


amydelgadoo

no, she said she was mad because i didn’t want to take care of her so she could “catch a break”, even though she leaves her with my mom or older sister most of the time. she didn’t care because she didn’t fall hard or anything, i pushed her with two fingers and she just fell on her butt


TheAshenDemon4

I don’t believe that for a second.


Prestigious_Badger36

So, now you're gaslighting 🤦🏼‍♀️


FireFox181

No she isn't gaslighting, she's explaining in detail what happened. Not saying her pushing the kid to the ground was okay, but you're acting like she punched her niece. Did you even read the story or are you just spoiling for a fight?


Graves_Digger

Clearly you're "spoiling for a fight" since you're going from comment to comment copy pasting this and trying to argue with everyone.


FireFox181

Either that or I am correctly calling you two out for acting irrationally and acting as if OP did far worse than what actually happened. I'm not saying OP is innocent by any stretch, but holy shit, she didn't punch her or do anything more than a fight or flight response to her sister trying to force responsibility onto someone else so she could go out partying at midnight. The circumstances make it an ESH, not a YTA.


Pycts

If it wasn't a hard knock then the scare and the pinworms were probably the reason for the crying. OP knows that she over reacted and shouldn't have touched the kid to knock her down but without proper treatment and medication she was not necessarily in a place where she could react rationally. She seems to be accepting that she reacted badly and appears willing to accept the responsibility for that.


amydelgadoo

i’m explaining in further detail because u guys probably thing i sent her flying across the room


itsmemissjackson

You. Abused. A. Baby. You should be nothing but ashamed of yourself and your sister should file a police report to start a paper trail for when you do it again.


leggyblond1

NTA. Your sister is the AH for trying to dump her child on you after you said no.


Little-Display-373

You're definitely going through it but you also pushed a toddler so gotta go with YTA


Athdks

YTA you’re almost a grown woman and you assaulted a literal toddler. (Also, no doctor worth their salt would diagnose a 6yo with BPD)


batqueengirl

diagnosed with bpd at age 6? cmon if ur gonna lie at least make it believable LOL


Geeky_Monkey

The name of the doctor who diagnosed her? Albert Einstein!


Nightwing4867

NTA. but a question for the people saying YTA, do y’all think she pushed the toddler hard enough to hurt her? or do you think she pushed the toddler and they happened to fall over? cuz a lot of people are saying this is abuse when it really isn’t


DaddyLonggLegss

I don’t think it matters how hard she pushed. It’s a 15 year old pushing a 3 year old. That’s absolutely not okay.


Nightwing4867

I think it does, I’ve pushed kids away from me, not forcefully but just to give myself space. It’s understandable that she did that due to the pinworms


DaddyLonggLegss

I guess. I’ve read a lot of OPs responses in the comments though and there is zero remorse and continues to justify why it is okay that she pushed the child.


Graves_Digger

It is extremely disturbing that you're blatantly admitting to multiple counts of child abuse without a shred of remorse. You can't just go around shoving people to "give yourself space". Especially not defenseless children. Legally, that's assault. And when you assault a child, that is child abuse.


Nightwing4867

1. It’s not child abuse, i placed my hand on a child to move them away from me. also known as a push. 2. It took place during a wrestling practice and no one was hurt. Legally it’s not assault, this wouldn’t be classified as a child abuse or assault. pushing kid away from you isn’t child abuse.


Graves_Digger

Well a sanctioned sporting match is not the same as a pretty much grown human physically assaulting a small toddler, first off. Second off, you can sit here and say that pushing a child isn't child abuse but your opinion doesn't change the law. Pushing is assault. Assaulting a child is child abuse. That's just all there is to it.


Nightwing4867

Pushing is simple assault. What i am saying is pushing a child to keep them at a distance is understandable. The kid had pinworms. If a kid comes up to me, after their parents know they have an infection that’s easily transmitted and i’ve already stated that i didn’t want to be around said kid, pushing is what’s most likely going to come next. it’s not right but it’s understandable


Graves_Digger

Okay so we've established that pushing is assault. Have you tried walking the fuck away instead of "simply assaulting" babies?


Nightwing4867

A toddler isn’t a baby, and what if there simply wasn’t a place to walk away too. I’m just saying i see this as being much more on the sister than OP despite what OP did wrong


Graves_Digger

Well, you condone assaulting people, dude. You're probably not the best judge on this. Stop pushing people, especially children or one of these days you're simply going to find yourself in jail or the hospital.


Athdks

It doesn’t matter? You don’t assault a baby


Nightwing4867

it’s not really assault. and if anything it’d be charged as simple assault. i just think if the toddler was indeed injured she’d be in the wrong.


Glittering-Internal5

YRA As a person with bpd, yes you are responsible for your actions. And you need to internalize that and think about it in each in every interaction. You can’t just push a defenseless child and say oh oops bpd. And no amount of meds are going to solve bpd, you need behavior training. So maybe your aunt is the A for trying to leave her kid with you, but you are the bigger A for physically harming someone smaller than you with much less of a sense of what is going on


Prestigious_Badger36

YTA - abusing a baby is never ok.


Nightwing4867

this isn’t really abuse, it could be categorized as assault and barely that


FloppyEaredDog

When I was 15 I pushed my clingy toddler cousin away. It wasn’t a hard push, but it was a push nonetheless. I still feel bad all these years later. I had an abusive childhood and my home life was toxic, but none of that matters. I have zero excuses, so do you. I was an asshole and so are you. YTA. To be clear your parents and sister are assholes too.


Roommatej

Lol YTA fake as fuck


rat1906

If any of this is true OP is being medically abused. BPD can't be diagnosed until someone is an adult. The notion of someone being diagnosed with BPD at the age of 6 is fucking insane. Medication is not recommended for BPD. Meds are prescribed for the other conditions (anxiety, depression) that come with the personaliry disorder but study after study shows that meds do jack shit for personality disorders themselves. OP is 15 and says they've been taking meds for two years. So since they were 13?! WHAT!? They've been taking meds that are not advised for their diagnosis at an age that most psychiatric medications should not be prescribed (according to manufacturer guidelines) for two fucking years? If this is real then OP is being gradually brain damaged. And yet they are still functional enough to attend school and engage in extracurricular activities? Bullshit. There is no medication on earth that someone would lose their mind to the point of violence after not taking it for one single solitary day. Meds build up in your system and stay in your bloodstream for days/weeks. You can't catch pinworms from hugging someone, unless you put your finger in their ass and brought it to their mouth afterwards. They don't crawl out of someone's pores. This story is implausible bullshit.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Octpus-Imposter

YTA Just because you weren't taking your meds doesn't give you the right to be a dick to a kid. I've been on meds for depression since I was 8 but I was never officially diagnosed until I was 18 and was finally told that I have bipolar 1 disorder. My therapist and psychiatrist suspected I had it but never gave me an official diagnosis till I was of legal age. I do not always take my meds but I could never blame my medication for why I was acting the way I was. It's 100% you that's the issue not your medication not being in your system.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** i (f15) was diagnosed with BPD at 6 years old and was not given treatment for it until 2 years ago. while my parents weren’t directly neglectful, they didn’t give me the attention i needed from when i was a baby to diagnose it early and i had gone through a lot of breakdowns that resulted in me ending up in the ER and mental hospital. they didn’t believe i had anything wrong with me and just blamed my breakdowns or episodes on me being lazy or seeking for attention. for example, when covid first started, i got really paranoid and stopped leaving my room for any reason and when my family tried to feed me or help me out of bed, i started crying and hitting my head against a wall (which i needed stitches for afterwards). things like illnesses and bugs trigger me a lot, even when i take my meds, which brings us to the problem. about a week ago, my niece (f3) was diagnosed with pinworms, which if you didn’t know is a contagious infection that is basically when worms are in your butt or vagina and make it itchy and irritated. my sister (nieces mom) hasn’t been taking the infection serious even though it’s contagious and i’ve been very annoyed with her when she lets my niece use my blankets or towels without washing them or even asking to use them leaving me scared to even touch them afterwards to wash them. she even uses them afterschool when i’m not there to ask and has directly lied to me about using them when i had gotten home early and confronted her about it. yesterday at around midnight, she had decided to go out last minute asked if i could watch my niece, to which i had replied no. she gave me a dirty look and rolled her eyes before leaving my niece on the floor and told her to go with me and my niece started walking towards me with her arms opened. my head was hurting beforehand and i was doing homework, and i hadn’t taken my meds because of work and school (i forgot), so when she got too close to the point i was uncomfortable, i pushed her away and she fell on the floor and started crying. my sister who was about to leave, came rushing into the living room and started yelling at me about being annoying and rude and started calling me all these names. i got overwhelmed and started crying myself and calling her a bad mom and disgusting. she called me a bitch and left the room. i fell asleep soon after and woke up to missed calls and texts from my parents (they’re in vegas right now), telling me to apologize and to “get my shit together. i told them no and that i was going to take my meds and go to work, saying that i wasn’t in the wrong and that she shouldn’t have pressured me. two of my friends and my older sisters are calling me and asshole and told me to apologize for doing something so petty, so AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AnastasiaRomani

100% NTA. It would have been nice if you had responded in a more gentle way towards your niece, but this was all thrust on you AFTER you said NO. What kind of a mother goes out partying and leaves her child with infectious parasites with a teenager who has refused to care for them because they are contagious? NOT. THE. AH.


mthefairy

OP asked if they were TA for pushing the three year old away, not for refusing to babysit. While I agree the mother is clearly also an AH, OP is also absolutely TA for pushing a child to the ground.


AnastasiaRomani

Yes, I understand that, but I also understood the reason that her niece was pushed to the ground was because she was responding to those things I mentioned. Reflex, maybe? Definitely regrettable or the OP would not be posting.


TheAshenDemon4

OP has done nothing but make excuses in the comments tho, so I’m not sure if regret is entirely the case either.


cryinoverwangxian

ESH except the toddler. If this isn’t wildly exaggerated in the way 15 year old girls who want attention on the internet because they live in boring places can be… Call cps. You and your niece are being neglected, if not abused. You can save your niece and yourself.


Maiidesuu

YTA You pushed a 3yr old you could’ve seriously hurt her off meds or not you’re wrong and your beef was with your sister not a literal baby. And if you truly have BPD (I do and I’m kind of mad at the way you’re portraying this especially because they will not diagnose you until at least 18) you never NEVER go off your meds, get a day of the week pill organizer, set alarms and reminders but you never go off especially if it causes you to become dangerous


Impossible_Piglet626

Stop lying about your diagnosis. I was told by 2 psychologist, 3 psychiatrist and 2 psychotherapist that BPD is not diagnosed until 18z As someone with Mixed Personality disorder, yes I showed symptoms at a young age but all 7 specialists in the field of mental health all said that some children grow out of symptoms that show major personality disorders and thus why no personality disorder is diagnosed before 18. YTA for pushing a baby! You are a straight up germaphobe using excuses to be abusive to a baby!


Sugarlove90

Troll. At least google BPD and when it can be diagnosed before trying to score some Reddit points.


Comprehensive_Pay916

YTA. You abused a kid and then decided you’d lie to Reddit about this massive mental health issue that you wouldn’t have even been diagnosed with yet. Your sister is unfair for letting your niece use your things when she has a skin infection. But you hurt that kid because you’re a brat. I hope your parents get you the therapy you clearly need.


Idonotlikewaffles

You were definitely not diagnosed with bpd at 6 years old


crimejunkiefan

Adults piling on a child living in a home where her mental health is not taken seriously is NOT OKAY! OP needs outside help. NTA


kiwipiwi37

YTA. You pushed a toddler. That’s no ok. It’s Also not ok to excuse bad behavior because of your mental health issues. Just because you have mental health issues doesn’t mean you have the right to treat a child like that especially for an infection she can’t help! Accept responsibility for your actions and grow up. The world isn’t going to walk on eggshells around you because of your BPD.


Sock-United

ESH and you’re a bully.


Motor_Business483

NTA ​ YOu are fine. ​ Your sister is the AH. Refuse to babysit, and let her take care of her kid berself. YOur mental health comes first. ​ ​ ". she gave me a dirty look and rolled her eyes before leaving my niece on the floor and told her to go with me" .. When she does that again, leave the room faster than your sister. And maybe the appartment, too. Go for a walk.


Klumzy408

NTA honestly I wouldn’t want that kid near me and there’s no reason for your sister leave that kid with you you’re not responsible you said no you probably shouldn’t have pushed her you should’ve just got up went to your room and lock the door honestly if you can lock yourself in your room lock your door so they don’t touch your stuff and honestly it’s not like you pushed her hard kids fall if you barely give him a nudge unless you like shoved her away then yeah I kinda u suck for tht. But honestly I feel like it was a reflex I would’ve probably done the same thing if someone I knew was infected with some thing was coming at me like that I would’ve shoved them even if it was a toddler I would’ve probably gave him all light push to get them away from me


Inside-Suggestion-51

NTA your family needs to realize that you suffer from a mental condition. How can anyone in their right mind expect you take care for a toddler when you say no? I am sorry for the little girl but clearly her mother is to blame.


bunnybaby17

NTA because you are being neglected and your sister needs to figure out how to listen to the word NO


amydelgadoo

i also have OCD (i forgot to point that out, sorry)


reve_de_moi

Stop trying to use a diagnosis as an excuse to physically assault another human being, no less a CHILD who doesn't even understand half of what people say. YTA


Somethingisshadysir

I don't have bpd, but I do have OCD. And I would not try to make excuses for assaulting a toddler. You really need to stop doing this. You having a mental illness that is not getting the proper treatment, and you not having the right support system from your family sucks. Your sister sucks for neglecting her kid and ignoring you telling her you wouldn't watch her. That's all valid. And not one but of it gives you any excuse for pushing her. So stop trying. You were wrong to push her. End of story. Apologize to the kid. Don't apologize to your sister or your parents, but apologize to the kid.


Prestigious_Badger36

That has nothing to do with assaulting a baby.


Inside-Suggestion-51

You don't have to excuse yourself more. Your sister is selfish. NTA