By - AcrobaticFriend3477
If you’re willing to post in the chance he sees it, then just text him and tell him that. Or better, next time you see him in person.
Rip off the band-aid, its much better to let him know. I have been in the same situation, not as cringe though.People can become delusional when they find someone they think is their fairytale partner. It's not his fault nor yours.
Best thing here is to be direct (over which medium you prefer) and set boundaries. I know it's going to be awkward and nobody likes rejection. But if he is only your friend based on the chance he'll get with you, that's not a real friend. If he has a bad reaction to the rejection, tell him you need space to rethink the friendship.
I suggest openly and calmly communicating it to him.
"(His name), I understand that you've developed feelings for me. I am flattered but I don't feel the same way. I'd love to remain friends with you but I understand if it'd be too painful."
If he stops being friends with you, please don't take it personally. Many people absolutely can't handle the feeling of rejection but you NEED to tell him.
also some people dont want to hang around someone they want but cannot have. i wouldnt want to walk past a bmw dealership every day if i was a poor car enthusiast for example. its also hard to "pretend" to be a friend when your feelings wont change. Maybe this is more of a guy thing but for me personalmy its really hard to be friends with someone i was rejected by. Its not the rejection thats the main issue, its the constang reminding of the rejection and crushing your own hopes you have to engage in to have a normal interaction with the person. to have to remind yourself at every smile, touch and look "yes she likes you but not in that way" is simply soulcrushing.
That's very fair and very well said. You're right.
I doubt that this will be a problem. Copy and paste the message from here and say it to him in person. If this is someone you've never met in person, paste it into a message.
this happened to me freshman year. this dude did the same, cringey shit and would text me like “i need a new lover, can you help me find someone?” and i wanted to throw up. he wouldn’t stop texting me and he would say things like “my perfect girl would be shorter than me, like the same video games, etc” and start to name really specific things about me.
he would text me at 2-3am on school nights and i would casually brush it off. then he started to say he loved me, and i couldnt deal with it. i had to cut it off.
I told him over text “listen, this isnt going to happen. stop texting me at 3am, stop sending me creepy messages, we will not be a thing. leave me alone”
ever since that day for the next four years he shaved his head and wore the same hoodie every day. honestly thought he was gonna bring a gun to school
What he's doing is not okay. The fact that you think he'll stop being your friend if you reject him romantically sounds like he's not really your friend. That's not how friends work. And that he keeps "dropping hints" like it's your responsibility to acknowledge his feelings and give him an opener is also deeply troubling. I would tell him that his constant advances make you uncomfortable, and that if he can't keep it platonic then he should be "friends" with someone else.
i know this isnt adressed to me but i wonder how you should ever get together with someone out of your friend group if your not allowed to drop hints at girls. yes the discribed stuff is a bit cringe, but to me it sounds more like hes bad at flirting and a bit thick than actually a bad or abusive person. maybe he will show his true colours when she rejects him, but to me it doesnt seem especially likely. I suspect he is not friends with her tl get with her, he simply is trying to get with a person he was already friends with. If he stops/reduces contact after it is because
a) its painful to be around someone you want but cant have
b) the increased contact before was one of the hints he was trying to make
also see this from another perspective: she doesnt want to be romantically involved with him and he doesnt want a platonic but very involved friendship with her. Its simply a misunderstanding that they thaught the other wanted what they wanted and then they started texting and talking more.
maybe im misunderstanding what you said, in that case please clarify. i realise my posts are sometimes a bit strongely worded
I completely disagree. I think if you are going to stop being friends with someone because they won't date you (which is what OP states she thinks would happen), then that person was never a "friend". That's some nice guy BS. This has been going on for MONTHS, and a month ago he straight up said something about dropping hints. He wasn't subtle about it. Her never responded favorably to his advances should have been a much of a "hint" as his.
i mean they were not a friend but a suitor, which is similar in appearence but different in motive. i wouldnt find that malignant though. i have "courted" a girl in my friend group but reduced my contact with them when they rejected me. not because i didnt like or value her friendship but because my increased conversation was part of my advance
Just because you don't see anything wrong with your intentions doesn't mean you had good intentions. You weren't getting close to her just to get to know her better, you were grooming her. THAT'S what you're describing.
And, no, this guy wasn't supposed to be OPs suitor, he was supposed to be a friend.
grooming a person of equal age and status smh. i feel like you are giving me no opening if im in love with a person of my friendgroup. what other option than "hey i know weve ever only talked in a group setting but id like to get to know you better"? am i supposed to say im in love right away? i cant change my intentions for wanting to get to know someone better and romantic intentions dont seem like something malicious to me. it seems that your stance is that celibate loyalty is the only acceptable behavior towards a person you started of being friends with.
please tell me how, in your worldview am i supposed to approach these situations. if your aim is to not ever even have a chance to make a girl uncomfortable or upset her preconcieved notions, the only plausible way is to wait for them to initiate. im not particularly fond of faling for friends either, but am i supposed to ignore it when it happens
If you're already friends with someone, why not just ask them out them?? Why would you get closer to someone, under the pretext of platonic friendship, with the actual intentions of just bombarding them with your presence, so then they'll feel that much weirder when you announce your true intentions? What do you call slowly increasing contact with someone so that they are less likely to react negatively when you decide you want to flip the script of the relationship if not grooming?
nice job downvoting comments before replying, do you know what votes on reddit are for? also accusing someone of grooming is a bit much from what i said. they way you put it it seems like emotional manipulation.
but i also think we might have a misunderstanding. the only thing i ever did was text a lot with a girl that was more of a friend of a friend, met with her once, asked for a date after, got rejected and that dried up the standing whatsapp conversation. after that we only ever met in a group and talked only very casually.
maybe i felt too attacked by your initial comment, and therefore reacted with a tone that was too harsh (though i openly aknowledged my tendency to brashness in my response). in the case this girl discribed, what you said might actually be the case. I personally like to apply the maxim "dont explain with malice that which you can explain with incompetence", but he might very well be manipulative.
if you still think im a groomer i guess ill have to ask the mentioned female friend.